


How Could This have Happened

by grandpopcorn



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, I've been watching to maney violent movies, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, My First Fanfic, Original Character(s), Other, Rape, Ronnie-my own character, guns and knifes, human trafficking gang?, i couldn't get their personalities right, i mean i guess violence, i'm sorry but our babies are going to get hurt, other stuff, so this happend, strong leader Shownu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2018-08-13 15:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7981093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandpopcorn/pseuds/grandpopcorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-UPDATING CHAPTERS-The manager is gone, everyone is in a panic. how could this have happened? That doesn't matter right now, what matters is that Shownu needs to get his friends to safety.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Just Happend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATE- I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING AND THAT IS BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO END THIS. I AM GOING OVER THESE CHAPTERS AND EDITING/ADDING NEW THINGS SO I GUESS LOOK FORWARD TO THAT. I TRYING TO SEE IF I CAN FINE A WAY TO END THIS SO BARE WITH ME PLEASE. IM REALLY SORRY U.U

It was a rainy night, Monsta X had just finished another successful concert. They were tumbling towards the company van to head back to their dorm. Shownu sat in the passenger seat, Jooheon, Kihyun and Minhyuk sat in the second row. Hoseok, Changkyun and Hyungwon were in the third row. Once they were settled in the van they all started waving good bye at their fans who had just started to pile out of the concert. Shownu looked back at his team from the rear view mirror, a small smile curving the corners of his lips. Minhyuk was always so energetic even after the long schedule. The energetic male was waving and blowing kisses at all the fans outside. While Kihyun and Hoseok are more settled and are making heart shapes with their fingers. Jooheon was doing his slightly cringy, but still really cute aegyo. Hyungwon and Changkyun just simply waved good bye with smiles on their faces. Once all the fans were out of site they all instantly relax in the car.  
“Ah I’m so tired~ I can’t wait to get back to the dorm and sleep” said Hyungwon while stretching out his long thin body.  
“You are always tired Hyungwon~ besides we said we were going to watch a movie after the concert! We never do anything together anymore” Minhyuk whined turning all the way around to poke Hyungwon on the stomach, in which he received a slap on his hand by the other.  
“Hey, Minhyuk turn back around! You are going to get car sick like that besides I’m sure everyone is tired” Kihyun said trying to get Minhyuk to turn back around.  
“Awe~ come on Kihyun-ah stop being a downer, it is just one movie” Minhyuk continued to whine.  
“I agree with Minhyuk hyung we never do anything together anymore and I think I’m going to be gone next week so we won’t get a chance like this anytime soon” Jooheon said looking at Kihyun apologetically for not being on his side.  
“I guess, but we can do something tomorrow, if we start a movie now we are just going to fall asleep…besides we have an early photo shoot tomorrow” Kihyun said matter-o-factly   
“But MOM~ I want to watch a movie now!” Minhyuk turned his head to look at Kihyun mischievously. Kihyun eyed him cautiously  
“I know that look Minhyuk…what ar…AH! No stop tickling me!” Kihyun leaned closer to Jooheon practically crushing him trying to get away from Minhyuk.  
“I won’t stop until you agree to watch the movie!” Kihyun was a laughing mess and Jooheon was being pinned against the window of the van.  
“AH! Just say yes to the movie! You guys are crushing me! Ah Appa help me!” Jooheon said while being squished.  
“Don’t involve Shownu in your weird drama!” Hoseok said while pinching Jooheon’s squished cheeks.  
“You guys are being to freaking loud. I can barely hear myself think” Changkyun said calmly, not even looking away from his phone. Shownu let out a laugh, he truly loves his team he couldn’t have asked for a better group of people. They all looked at Shownu confused from his sudden burst of laughter, but then started laughing along with him.  
“Guys will you chill, we can watch the movie when we get back” Minhyuk turned to look at a defeated looking Kihyun triumphantly. “Kihyun also has a point we do have an early schedule tomorrow. He is just looking after you guys there is no need to…um…mess with him” Kihyun gave them all a smug smile. “Also we can pile up our blankets and fall asleep during the movie, it could be some sort of sleep over…or something like that” Shownu saw the amusement plastered on their faces.  
“A sleep over really Shownu? What are we 10 year old girls” Hoseok said through a chuckle.  
“I think it’s cute!” shouted Minhyuk.  
“But sleeping on the couch sounds like a pain” Hyungwon said through a yawn.  
“I think it’s a good idea…I mean we get the “close” time Minhyuk wanted” Changkyun said finally looking up from his phone  
“I don’t think that is the kind of “close” he was talking about Changkyun, but yeah i guess you're right” Jooheon laughed.  
“I mean it sounds fine as long as we get to sleep early enough” Kihyun said thoughtfully.  
“I guess it’s settled then, we watch a movie and have a sleep over in the living room” Shownu said, as the others gave him a nod of agreement. They settled in a comfortable silence after that. Shownu turned to his manager who had a smile on his face.  
“I swear I couldn’t have asked for a better group of males to be manager for. I could have been stuck with some rowdy bunch of guys…well actually I take that back” Shownu gave the manager a playful punch on the arm. “Yah~ see what I mean. Who punches the driver?” Shownu and the manager shared a laugh. Shownu looked at the manager fondly.  
“Thank you for everything Hyung if it wasn’t for you we couldn’t have gotten were we are now. Plus you are very kind and understanding. you have been like a second father to us all…thank you” the manager gave him a side glance and smiled.  
“Yah, don’t mention it. It goes the same to you guys I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. I truly appreciate being able to work with you seven” Shownu gave the manager a chuckle.  
“I don’t know what to say…”  
“You guys don’t have to say anything, just know that I truly appreciate you guys” Shownu looked out the window of the van.  
“Hey I have a question though”  
“Hmmm?”  
“Where are we? This isn’t the way to the dorm” the manager stiffened a bit.  
“Oh yea, well I wanted to take a short cut someone told me about, to cut through traffic…but..” the manager rubbed the back of his head. “... I think I took a wrong turn”  
“So~ we are lost?” Shownu questioned  
“NO…we are not lost! i know what i'm doing”  
“If you don’t know where we are hyung that means we are lost” Shownu stated  
“What we are lost?” Jooheon said leaning forward to butt in the conversation.  
“No we aren’t lost. We are perfectly fine” said the manager.  
“I don’t know this neighborhood looks sketchy as hell” said Kihyun leaning over Minhyuk to look out the window.  
“No! We are not lost I promise I’ll find our way back in the meantime you should all probably get some sleep”  
“You only want us to go to sleep so we stop telling you we are lost” said Changkyun rubbing one of his eyes and yawning.  
“Ah~ don’t do that Changkyun! You are to freaking cute to be human!” said Hoseok trying to take a selfie with the struggling to stay awake maknae.  
“Hyung don’t take pictures of me” Changkyun said pushing Hoseok away. Shownu chuckled, Changkyun is way too cute for it to be even remotely normal. What makes it cuter is that the maknae doesn’t even realize his cuteness.  
“Shoot be careful Hoseok! Have you even noticed who is sleeping next to you” Kihyun warned looking at a sleeping Hyungwon, his head was resting up against the van’s window. No one would ever dare and bother the taller male, especially if he is sleeping. They had all learned their lessons from last time. Jooheon accidently woke him up once and it wasn’t pretty. Shownu shuttered remembering the incident.  
“Oh man thanks Kihyun. You helped me dodge a bullet there” Hoseok looked at the sleeping male next to him. “Man, he looks so freaking peaceful when he sleeps”  
“Yea it is definitely a change from what he looks like when he is awake” Jooheon stated.  
“I heard that Jooheon-ah” Hyungwon said without opening his eyes, Jooheon went pale.  
“Oh…Um I meant you look good all the time Hyungwon!” Jooheon practically shouted.  
“Nice save Jooheon-ah” Minhyuk said through a fit of laughs.  
“I love you guys” Shownu said to himself or at least he thought.  
“We lo…” Minhyuk started but then was cut short from a panicked scream.  
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKER DOING?” Shownu turned to look at headlights coming straight at them from the side. “SHIT GET DOWN!” the manager screamed reaching out to Shownu to protect him from the blow. Shownu looked at the rearview mirror in a panic. He saw how Kihyun took Jooheon to shield him from the incoming blow, Minhyuk was also reaching out to protect them. Hoseok had Changkyun in a protective hold, while Hyungwon didn’t know what to do. It happened so fast Shownu didn’t have time to register that this was really happening. Before he could react to anything else the other car t-boned them mostly hitting the area were the manager was in. The car spun uncontrollably. Despite the fact that Shownu was wearing his seat belt he was being bounced around from side to side. He had no control of anything. He could hear faint screams, but he couldn't tell who they were coming from. Shownu suddenly jerks violently to the side and feels so much pain run through his body when his head hit the window of the van. He instantly blacks out.  
*********  
Shownu wakes up with throbbing pain in his head. He looks at his surroundings and feels panic rise up to his very core. The van was wrecked and he was some how alive. He couldn’t think clearly, in fact he couldn’t see clearly either. Everything was blurry, but he knew one thing he had to get out fast. After struggling to undo his seat belt he discovered something terrifying. The van was on fire. The smell was causing him to choke and cough violently. He has to get out of here before the van blows up. He moved to get up but felt pain on his head again. He closed his eyes to cause the dizziness to go away. He opens his eyes when he feels something heavy land on his side. Shownu looked down and once his vision cleared up, he was face to face with a very bloody looking manager. Shownu instantly reeled back with the image in front of him. He felt so sick. There was so much blood he has never seen so much blood before.  
“Hyung…” Shownu’s voice was so weak when he spoke. When he didn't get a response he looked away, he can’t do this. This has to be some kind of nightmare right? It has to be, it just has to be. Shownu jumped when he felt something grab his arm. He looked down to see the manager looking up at him.  
“Sh-Shownu g-get the others o-out of the v-van” the manager said through coughs of blood.  
“Wh-what about you?” again Shownu’s voice failed him. The manager looked up at him.  
“I-I can’t get out my l-legs are p-pinned…” Shownu looked at the manager’s legs, he felt like crying because the manager was right his legs were crushed under the smooshed van.  
“NO…I won’t leave you here” Shownu shouted, panic rising up. The manager looked at him with the kindest eyes, he reached out to stoke Shownu on the cheek.  
“You have too. I c-can’t get out of the car and with flames like this the van is going to blow any minute” Shownu just shook his head. He couldn’t leave him. He just can’t. “Shownu-ah look at me” he turned to look at the manager. “You have to take care of them now. You can’t help me” Shownu was trembling despite the heat coming from the van.  
“I-I can’t j-just lea…” Shownu choked on his words.  
“Shownu I’m ordering you to listen to me! Get your shit together…you have a whole team to look after. Now hurry up and do it!” Shownu looked at the serious expression on the manager’s face and knew he was right. Without looking at the manager again, Shownu kicked open the passenger seat door. He stumbled out of the van, not being able to find his footing. His head pounding with every move he made. He ignored his own pain and stumbled to the door were Minhyuk was sitting and pulled it. It wouldn’t open. Shownu tried and tried but the damn door wouldn’t freaking open. He looked around and saw a sheet of metal from the van. Shownu took it ignoring the burn he got from the hot metal. He walked over to the door and shoved the metal in the crack of the door to pry it open. His hands were getting cut from putting pressure on the sharp edges, but he didn’t care, he had to get them out. With one more push he got the door open and Minhyuk's limp body almost fell out, but the seat belt caught him from falling on the floor. He was unconscious with cuts here and there. Shownu reached in the car and unbuckled the seat belt, he caught the unconscious male and dragged him to a safe distance. He then ran back grabbing Kihyun and putting him in the same safe spot as Minhyuk. When Shownu got to Jooheon he let out a gasp. The rappers leg was also pinned under the van, although it wasn’t nearly as bad as the manager’s.  
“What happened are they okay?” he heard the manager ask.  
“Y-yea” he didn’t want to worry the manager any more than he already was. Shownu grabbed the sheet of metal again and placed it between Jooheon’s leg and the sunken metal of the van. If he could lift the metal just a bit he could get Jooheon out. Shownu put all his strength into it, he is not leaving Jooheon behind too. No, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he left someone else behind. He mustered up more strength and managed to lift the sunken metal just enough to pull Jooheon out. Shownu took the younger and nearly cried seeing him so badly hurt. He pushed back his emotions and placed Jooheon in his safe spot. Once the rapper was safe with the others Shownu went to help the remaining three. Hyungwon’s seat belt was broken trapping the taller male in his seat. Shownu couldn’t get the taller male out. He left him to grad the piece of metal that has been helping him so much these past couple of minutes. When Shownu got to the others he saw Hoseok was conscious and had Changkyun in a tight hold.  
“Hoseok a-are you okay?” the male looked at Shownu like he didn’t understand what he was saying. “Can you move?” Hoseok kept on looking at him, but nodded this time. “Okay grab Changkyun and get out of the van. Kihyun, Minhyuk and Jooheon are over there” Hoseok nodded again and grabbed Changkyun and got of the van.  
“Shownu hurry up with whatever it is you are doing” he heard the manager say in a panic. “You don’t have much time left Shownu! Hurry up!” Shownu cursed he could smell gasoline coming from the car. If one drop even hits the fire they are surly dead. He started cutting the seat beat that held Hyungwon hostage with the piece of metal, but the damn thing wouldn't cut.  
“Cut damn it cut!” Shownu heard a small moan and something grab his arm gently. He looked down to see Hyungwon looking up at him with half open eyes.  
“H-Hyung…just l-leave me…” Hyungwon closed his eyes in pain as he had a coughing fit. The smell of gasoline got worse, Shownu could practically hear a clock ticking the time they had left.  
“I’m not fucking leaving you here you dumbass!" Shownu with new found strength started hitting the metal part of the seat belt with the piece of metal. Every hit would cause so much pain to his palms, but he didn’t care he is going to save Hyungwon no matter what. With one last hit the seat belt finally snapped and Shownu grabbed Hyungwon and ran as far from the car towards the others.  
“Oh my god Shownu...you saved us” Shownu turned to look at a panicked looking Hoseok. He couldn't say anything as guilt hit him hard. "Shownu..." Hoseok started, but shownu only placed the taller male carefully on the ground and ran. He felt anger boil up inside him and ran towards the van to help the manager. He didn’t make it far when the van blew up. It happened so fast. No one had time to react. Everything just felt unreal. The pieces of the van went flying and unlucky for Shownu one particularly sharp piece cut his right bicep. He instantly sinks to his knees and clutched at the bleeding gash on his arm. This cant he happening. It has to be a bad dream. Something like this couldn't possibly be real. He could hear faint screaming from behind him, but Shownu didn’t have it in him to turn around. He felt so lost or even more he felt empty. He couldn’t stop thinking that it was his fault why there manager was dead. He was gone. Their manager was dead. The man who made all of their fame possible, is gone. The man who was like a father figure to them all is gone and Shownu just let it happen. He shouted at the top of his lungs while pounding the pavement with his fist.  
“Damn it! It was my fault I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you…I…” Shownu for the first time in a long time started crying. He hadn’t cried since he was eight, he had learned to control his feeling in front of others so they wouldn’t see him as weak. He can’t hide it right now, everything hurts so badly. The tears won’t stop, he knows he probably looks so weak right now. He can’t stop crying though.  
“Shownu…” He heard someone whisper his name. Shownu looked up and furrowed his eyebrows, are they whispering to him or is that how he hears things right now? He turns around and sees a group of people surrounding his friends. They were all being picked up and being put in a van. He could see Hoseok desperately trying to protect them, but he was only one guy versus about five bigger males. Shownu quickly started getting back on his feet, when he falls back down on his knees in so much pain he almost blacked out.  
“Ha you poor guy took a really wrong turn” a deep voice spat at him almost like venom. Shownu just barely had enough time to look at the man before he was hit again on the head. Shownu fell on the floor this time, he could hear Hoseok shouting in the distance. Shownu tried getting up off the floor to try and get to his friends, but something heavy landed hard on his back, which caused him to fall back down. “Hmm you are a persistent one aren’t you?” Shownu didn’t know who this man was but he hated him, he wanted to punch him in his nose.  
“Fuck you” Shownu spat out.  
“HA! Oh this is going to be so much fun!” with that said the male hit Shownu hard enough on the head to cause him to black out for the second time today.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-yea so I still don't have their personalities down so I'm sorry if they are out of character and um another boring chapter. Also I have school and I don't really have a schedule for posting so yea. leave a comment if you like. MMKAY BYE.

Shownu started to wake up consciously, but not physically. He couldn't open his eyes everything just felt so hazy like he wasn't in his own body. There was no pain, no aches, his body won’t move when he wanted it to move. It was like he was floating around subconsciously. He had days like this happen when he would push himself too hard in practice. He would go back to the dorm feeling tired and fall asleep the moment he fell on his bed. It was like his body was too tired to even consider moving. The others would always come and take care of him. They would make sure he ate, had plenty of water and got plenty of rest, they would also nag him to not push himself like that again. Shownu wished this was one of those day, but it wasn't and he remembers everything so clearly. Oh, how he wished he had hit his head hard enough to cause him to forget what he had seen. The headlight of the car that t-boned them. The crushed metal pinning their manager's legs. The damn look their manager gave him when he was telling Shownu to leave him. He remembers how desperate he was to save his team. The last damn smile he will ever see the manager gave him. Worst of all though was all the damn blood. He has never seen so much blood in his life and it will haunt him forever. Why? Why was this happening? No one could have prepared him for this. Why them? It could have been anyone else, but it had to be them. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? What has he done to deserve this? Loads of questions started plaguing his mind. How is he still alive? Where is he? This could have happened to anyone, why him? Will they be just another abducted story on the news that people don't pay attention too? What about his family? This isn’t fare. Shownu felt pain instantly pierce through his body remembering something. Where are they? He was panicking. Where are his band mates? He tried moving, but his body wouldn’t freaking move. Panic, fear and desperation started pulsing through his entire body. Where are his friends? He can’t even find the strength to call for them, he felt nauseous. Where are the people he has considered his brothers for the past year? Why can't he move! He needs to know if they are okay. Shownu silences his mind when he hears footsteps. There were people speaking and one of those voices sounded familiar. Where has he heard that voice before?

“What are we going to do with them?” a different( more gentle? )voice questioned.

“Since we scored lucky this time and found us an Idol boy group, Monsta X right? Well I’m sure there are people out there who will pay good money for them. Hmm the younger one looks like we can sell him at a higher price. You know how old rich ladies like them young” Shownu felt sick. What are these people talking about? 

“You fucks better not touch any of them” Shownu heard Hoseok try and sound threatening, but his voice quivered with fear. A very deep cruel laugh echoed through Shownu’s ears. He heard footsteps walk towards him, but stop at least 3 feet away from him. Hoseok let out a grunt and Shownu felt more panic swarm his body.

“You are in no position to tell me what to do” Shownu could hear the venom spilling from this man’s voice. “Do you understand me?” Hoseok was whimpering in pain. What are they doing to him? Why can’t his body move? He wants to help! “Answer Me!” Hoseok let out a scream of pain. “If you don’t want it to hurt then answer me!” more shouts of pain. Stop, leave him alone is what Shownu wanted to scream, but nothing was working for him. 

“Stop please he didn’t mean it. He won’t act up anymore” Shownu heard Kihyun's pleading voice. 

“You really think I’m just going to let him go. Just because you beg me” said the deep voice.

“I’ll do anything you ask me to do…without resistance if you just stop…” Kihyun said in a whisper.

“Kihyun shut up, don’t you freaking say anything” Hoseok shouted. Shownu heard something get hit hard and fall on the ground. He heard a scream of despair and someone start crying. The one crying sounded like Changkyun. Shownu wanted to protect them, he needs to stop being useless and do something. He heard a phone ring and the man with the deep voice answer it. ”Hello?” Shownu heard foot steps leaving and everything was quiet. It was at least 10 minutes before the man returned. “Ah, will you look at that, we already have buyers. They will be coming sometime this week. Dang you guys look like crap. oh well, i'll leave you some medical stuff so you can take care of yourselves” Shownu could practically hear the smirk as he heard him leave. It was quiet for a while, but then something landed on the floor and a door slammed shut. Fear started generating through Shownu’s body, he was shaking, his whole body felt like death. His arm was hurting a lot and he felt way too weak for it to be normal. He felt dizzy. Why is this happening to them? Why? He heard someone walking towards him. He then felt someone left up his head and put it on something soft. Was it someone’s lap?

“How is he looking?” Shownu heard a very weak sounding Hyungwon ask.

“He-He has a really bad cut on his arm and also a small but still worrisome cut on his temple” it was Minhyuk who answered this time. He sounded closer than the others, so he guessed that he was the one holding him. That’s a good sign, so far he has heard something from most of them. He needs to know if Jooheon is okay, he needs to. The rapper looked the worst out of all of them, from the last time he helped them. He mustered up what little strength he had to ask if everyone was okay.

“A-are…y-ou gg-guys…” Shownu couldn’t finish his question. His throat hurt like hell and very time he tried to say something he would go into a coughing fit. Shownu felt gentle arms wrap around him and he instantly melted into the hug.

“Please try not to talk hyung” Minhyuk’s voice cracked and Shownu felt something wet hit his face. Was he crying? Shownu shook his head from that thought. He needed to know.

“J-Jooheon…”was all he managed to say. 

“I have him here Shownu. We are all here…”He heard Kihyun answer this time. Instant relief filled Shownu’s body and his body relaxed, but painfully. He managed to force his eyes open and look around him. They were in a room. It wasn’t big it was like the size of a small bedroom. The room was empty there were no windows, except one little window on the door. to almost laugh in their faces the door was made of metal. Shownu sighed then proceeded to look around to get a good look at his team. Minhyuk was trying so hard not to cry, the blonde was trembling from obvious fear. He had a couple scrapes and bruises, but other than that the blonde looked fine. Kihyun looked calm, but not the kind of calm that would be considered normal. It was the kind that made it look like they were empty inside. Kihyun also had scrapes and bruises, but unlike Minhyuk he had a small but deep cut on his right eyebrow. Hyungwon was huddled in a corner as if that was the only place he felt safe in, the taller male had scratches all on the right side of his body. Hoseok was sitting on the floor looking more than a little confused and stressed. The second eldest seemed to only have a bruise on his cheek bone, but he was desperately rubbing at his shoulder. Changkyun was walking over to Minhyuk and Shownu, he looked terrified. Shownu noticed the younger hugging at his ribs and he was afraid that Changkyun either had cracked or bruised ribs. Jooheon was the worst out of all of them, since he sat right behind the manager he probably got more of the impact of the crash. The rapper was still unconscious unlike the others. The first thing anyone would notice was Jooheon’s left ankle. It was twisted in a very painful way, it was not normal. The rapper also had cuts across his face and arms. Shownu couldn't bare to look at his friends in pain like this. He needed to help so he forced his body to sit up. Ignoring the protests Changkyun and Minhyuk gave him. 

“Hyung you shouldn’t be moving…” Changkyun looked like he was about to cry as he watched Shownu struggle to sit up. Shownu gave him a reassuring smile to try and calm him down. Then proceeded to get up. When he managed to get himself in a sitting position he took a couple deep breaths before he tried to stand up. it took alot of his remaining strength, but he managed to stand up. The moment he straightened up he felt dizzy and stumbled, but someone held him in place. Once Shownu’s vision cleared he looked up at Hoseok. The second eldest looked worn out and all shownu wanted to do was hug him and never let go. So, that's what he did. He pulled Hoseok into a hug. 

“I’m so happy you guys are okay. I was so scared that something happened to you guys” Shownu said into the others shoulder. He could hear the other male start crying as he wraps his arms around Shownu's waist.

“You’re glad we are okay? Have you seen how you look?” Hoseok hugged Shownu tighter as if he was afraid to let go. “Why is this happening to us?…a-are we going to get sold. I don’t want…I’m scared” Hoseok sobbed out. Shownu rubbed circles around the male’s back to calm him down.

“Hey, I won’t let that happen…” Shownu felt someone tug at his shirt. He turned around and saw Changkyun looking like a lost puppy that needed attention. Shownu stretched out his arm for the younger to join their hug. The youngest snuggled his was in between them “I will get you guys out of here. I promise” Minhyuk then joined the group hug and they lasted like that for awhile, feeling comfort from each other. That was until they all jumped at the sound of a pained scream coming from across the room. Shownu instantly knew who it was and he ran towards the screaming male, Kihyun was trying to calm him down. “Jooheon!” Shownu kneeled down next to him trying to calm him down. 

“Ahhh! It hurts! My leg it hurts!” the screams turned into sobs of pain.

“Jooheon stay calm I got you. I’m here it’s going to be okay…I’m here” Shownu started saying to calm him down. “Jooheon you need to be quiet…just hold on” Shownu looked at his leg and knew this was the cause of the rappers pain. Jooheon’s ankle was twisted in a painful way, but it didn't look broken. Shownu was phasing out. What does he freaking do? He felt someone touch his arm and he noticed that the screaming had stopped. He turned to look at Jooheon who was the one that was grabbing his arm. The younger’s face was contorted in pain.

“H-hyung…h-help me…make the pain go away” Shownu looked up at Kihyun who had tears running down his face, but looked completely out of it. He then looked at the others Hoseok was trying to calm Changkyun down because the maknae was rocking back and forth on the floor obviously distressed by seeing jooheon's pain. Minhyuk was pacing back and forth as if trying to calm himself down. Hyungwon was looking directly at Shownu, he was still sitting in his corner, but the taller male seemed fine. 

“Hyungwon come here I need you to help me with Jooheon” Hyungwon looked startled that he asked him, but he still got up from his spot and limped towards Shownu. “Hey…are you okay? What is wrong with your leg?” Hyungwon didn’t even look at him. Shownu decided to let it slide (for now) and focus on the more important matter in front of him.

“…what do you need me to do?” Hyungwon looked at Jooheon worried. 

“I’m going to need you to muffle Jooheon’s screams, okay? We don't need those assholes to come back” Shownu turned to look at Jooheon. “I’m not going to lie Jooheon…I only have a little sense of what I’m doing. It doesn’t look like your leg is broken, but it’s definitely dislocated. I’m going to have to put it back in place for the pain to subside a little. Do you trust me to do this?” Jooheon looked at Shownu through half opened eyes for a while, but then nodded a yes to him. Shownu let out a sigh. He looked around and saw a box with a red cross on the floor. "Hyungwon can you get me that box?" the taller male got up ad walked towards the box. he picked it up and walked back handing the first aid kit to Shownu. Once hyungwon was settled back next to him Shownu. He started to look through the first aid kit, pulling out the things he needed. He than reached out and started carefully taking off Jooheon’s shoe and sock. The rapper let out some pained whimpers, but Shownu had to continue. He then proceeded to grab Jooheon’s ankle and he received a pained scream. He looked up at Hyungwon and the male gave him a nod and put a hand over Jooheon’s mouth. Shownu took in a deep breath and quickly snapped Jooheon’s ankle back into place. Jooheon screamed and squirmed, but was held down and muffled by Hyungwon and Kihyun. Shownu worked fast to wrap Jooheon’s ankle in a few pieces of medical fabric then he stopped to check how secure it was. He wasn’t satisfied and proceeded to wrap more fabric around it to keep it secure. After a while Jooheon went limp, his cheeks were tear stained and it broke Shownu’s heart to see him like that. Hyungwon took his trembling hand away from Jooheon’s mouth and ran it through his own hair.

“Is he going to be okay?” Hyungwon looked at Jooheon with tears flowing down his face. Shownu grabbed Hyungwon’s Shoulder and squeezed it in a reassuring way. The male bit his bottom lip “Shownu… what’s going to happen to us? Are we just going to…die here?” Shownu looked at Hyungwon in shock.

“Hey look everything is going to be okay…Hyungwon look at me…I’ll get you guys out of here” Hyungwon looked at Shownu in disbelief.

“How? Hyung you are just one person. How are you going to get us out?” 

“I’ll find a way…I won’t let you guys die here” Hyungwon looked at Shownu annoyed.

“Stop saying ‘you guys’ Hyung…it makes it sound like…What about you?” Hyungwon’s voice cracked and Shownu was all too aware of everyone staring at him.

“I-I don’t…” Shownu looked at Jooheon’s limp body, trying to avoid everyone’s eyes. He took a deep breath and held it for a while before he let it out. It is true he wasn’t really thinking about himself. He never really thought about saving himself. How could he? He felt guilty for not even trying to help their manager. The man did so much for them and he didn’t even freaking try helping him. He can’t let that happen to anyone else he cares about. Shownu had already thought about it, he will do anything to get them out, even if it cost him his life. “I’ll get us out. I didn’t mean to make it sound that I wouldn’t be going with you guys” Shownu looked around at the faces that were looking at him. His eyes landed on Hyungwon’s still annoyed face. Shownu looked down at the taller male’s lap and noticed the red stain on his upper thigh. He reached out to examine it, but was held back by Hyungwon.

“Hyung will you stop freaking caring about us and care about yourself for once” Shownu looked at him confused. He flinched when he felt someone touch his arm. Kihyun was looking at him concerned. 

“I’m fine guys really”

“No you’re not hyung, stop trying to act tough. We care about you and you aren’t fine” Changkyun said while walking towards him. Hoseok and Minhyuk not far behind. 

“I’m sorry to say this Shownu, but you aren’t superman, you have limitations” Minhyuk sat down next to him and started looking through the medical box. 

“We are here for you too Shownu” Hoseok took his arm and started to examine it. "God the cut is so deep. I'm so glad it only grazed your arm and it didn't impale you" Hoseok said grabbing a disinfectant cloth from the medical box. "This is going to hurt....a lot" He pressed the cloth on Shownu's arm and the pain was unspeakable. Shownu wanted to push the other away, but he just clenched his teeth and bared through the pain. The pain was almost blinding and any strength he had left was gone. He felt his vision blur again, but he was held up by someone. "Hey, you're almost done. we need to stitch you up and then wrap you up in bandages. Shownu could only nod as he let them help him. When he saw Hoseok pull out the needle and tread he had to look away. He looked at Changkyun instead.

"Hey how are your ribs?" Shownu winced as he felt pain shoot through his body.

"They're fine i guess. they're not broken if that's what you are asking hyung" Shownu could only sigh in relief knowing that the youngest isn't in as much pain as Shownu thought he was. 

"How about your leg Hyungwon?" Shownu didn't dare to turn his head to look at the other, but he could hear him snort at his question.

"The blood isn't mine. it does hurt it i won't lie to you, but the blood is 100% yours...I hope you know that" 

"okay you are done" Hoseok says and shownu looks down at his arm to look at it neatly bandaged.

“I…thank you guys” Shownu sat there as he looked at them. Maybe they will be fine. Maybe, just maybe they can make it out of here. He started to relax, he felt safe around his friends. They stayed in a comfortable silence while Changkyun started gentle cleaning the cut on his temple. Everything seemed fine. That was until someone came busting through the door causing all of them to flinch.

“Well. Well. Well. Don’t you guys look comfortable” Said a very brute looking man. Shownu was mad, he felt mad that the freaking guy broke their moment of peace. Shownu would have done something about it, but the only thing stopping him was the gun the man held in his hands. “It’s someone’s lucky day. One of you has a lot of clients” the Brute looking man looked around for a while before his eyes stopped at what he was looking for. The brute then motioned for some men to go get said person. Shownu felt a cold shiver run down his spin. No, No fucking way is that fucking monster going to touch him. Shownu got up quickly and grabbed Changkyun to protect him from the thugs. The others- except for Kihyun who was still with Jooheon- seemed to have also gotten the idea and surrounded the maknae protectively. The brute gave them an annoyed smile. “You want to play it that way? Fine” everything happened so fast. Shownu felt sharp pain pierce his ribs as his knees hit the floor hard. He couldn’t breathe. Everything was once again hazy. He saw Hoseok get pinned to the ground next to him. Then he heard someone screaming. 

“Let go of him! I won’t let you hurt him anymo…” Minhyuk’s shout was cut short by the handle of a hand gun hitting him hard on the head. The male collapsed on the ground. Shownu felt so weak, was this really considered protecting them. He CAN’T move. He feels sick. Changkyun was being taken away and he can’t do anything about it. Shownu fell on all fours, he still can’t breathe. Everything was turning black. He can't let them take him...he can't, but he can't do anything. He is too weak. The last thing Shownu saw was a fighting Changkyun being dragged out of the room kicking and screaming. The door closed and Shownu collapsed. He is so useless. A worthless person. Changkyun was taken away right from under his nose. He is gone. No this can’t be happening. All of Shownu’s senses shut down and he blacked out once again.


	3. Chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-sorry this got really out of hand for me. I don't know why I chose this path. i'm sorry. yea so school is killing me, so don't know when i'll update again...mmkay bye

Pure darkness engulfed Shownu. He couldn’t see or feel anything, not a single thing. Is he dead? No, he can’t be dead, but yet he can’t feel anything no matter how much he tried moving he couldn't. Shownu doesn't know what is happening and he just stares at the total darkness around him. He only stops when he hear the faint whispers around him. The whispering voices sounded familiar, but he didn't know where he has heard them from. in fact he can't understand what they are even saying. It’s just a bunch of gibberish and it's starting to make him feel panicked. He looks around again desperate to see if anyone was around. It’s no use though everywhere he looked was pitch black. Where is he? Who are these people whispering at him? He doesn’t understand what is happening right now. Is he really dead or has he gone crazy? Shownu tries to move, but he still couldn’t move anything. it was as if he he didn't have anything to move, like he was just there. He looks down at his hands and he nearly chokes. They were there just like they were supposed to but he could see right through them. It’s as if he was fading away like he was a ghost just floating. Floating? That’s impossible. That would mean that he, no he can’t be dead. Right? Shownu started to feel dizzy, everything started spinning he felt sick. “Where…” he couldn’t talk his throat was so dry. He struggled to swallow “Where a…” he still couldn’t get the words out. He was frustrated at this point, he took a deep breath and shouted “Where am I!” No one answered, in fact all the whispering had stopped. It was quiet, way too quiet. It gave Shownu goose bumps at the sudden silence. He didn’t like the silence. It was disturbing and it made him feel alone “Hello?” he whispered. At first nothing happened, but then a sudden pain pulsed through Shownu’s head. The whispering had returned, but ten times worse. 

“Help Hyung!” 

“Why did you leave us here?”

“You promised you’d get us out”

“I trusted you and you failed me”

“Some leader you turned out to be”

“This is all your fault” Those voices they sounded so familiar. Shownu shouted for them to stop. They were causing him so much pain. 

“Shownu please help us! You said you would be there for us!” the voices they belonged to his them. Shownu couldn’t breathe. These voices belonged to his team members What is this? Why is this happening? He can’t believe it, had he really failed them? They’re gone and it’s all his fault.  
"I'm sorry" //////

Shownu had woken up screaming at the top of his lunges. “STOP! Leave them alone!” he sat up quickly, clutching at his throat. He couldn’t breathe. He was desperately trying to gasp for air, but he couldn’t breathe. He felt panicked. Where are they? He looked around the room he was in, there was no one else in it but him. Panic turned into fear, his whole body felt like a hell. It was hard for him to move without his body screaming in pain. He didn’t care. Why should he? He let his team down. Shownu had told them that everything was going to be okay. He promised them that he would get them out. Now what? They are missing and it’s all his fault. He doesn’t know where they are, they could be anywhere by now. They could be dead. They probably are dead. The moment that thought passed through his head, everything felt unreal. It was like he was permanently stuck in a nightmare. Shownu felt despair course through his body. He couldn’t contain his emotion anymore. “Where are they?” he whispered as if wanting someone to answer him. What are they doing to them? He kept imagining the worst possible scenarios that could happen to them and it made him sick. The thought of not ever seeing them again made him lose it. Shownu stood up(despite the horrible pain that coursed through his body) and ran towards the metal door keeping him inside. He started banging on the door ignoring the pain in his hands every time he would slam his fists into it. Fear, panic, despair and anger were all heard in his screams “Fucking hell get me out of here!” he kept on banging harder and harder, but no one could hear him. “If you fuckers touch them I swear I’ll…I’ll” the banging stopped. Shownu looked at his hands. They had cuts and bruises on them now, but that doesn’t matter. He falls to his knees in defeat and looks up at the light bulb dangling from the ceiling. What will he do? He has no strength to do anything. He is just one guy, what was he planning on doing? What was the point anyway, they were probably all dead now. Shownu curls up in a ball on the cold cement floor. His jaw starting to quiver, he doesn’t want to die here. He scanned the room with his eyes. The room he was in was much smaller than the first one. It looked almost like a jail cell you would see in those prison movies with the thick concrete walls. The only difference was the thick metal door that replaced the typical bared doors. The only light source he had was a flickering light bulb dangling from the ceiling. Shownu still can’t breathe properly, but what can he do about that? He just lays there letting his mind wonder. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. Changkyun has probably been gone for a while now. The maknae he loved like a little brother was gone. He was probably sold to some sick fucker and this made him want to puke. Maybe they were all gone, sold off to who knows where. Shownu was probably left to rot here by himself because who wants to buy a pathetic husk of nothing. He isn’t ready to let them go. He wants them here with him. He wants to see the way Hoseok loves to look at himself in the mirror. He wants to see Minhyuk’s bright and cheerful personality. He want to taste Kihyun'scooking again. He wants to hear Hyungwon laugh at every little stupid thing he would say to them. He wants to play video games with Jooheon. He wants to see the cuteness of what is Changkyun. Shownu doesn’t want to let them go “Please…I’ll do anything just please let them be okay” he barely whispered. He was weak, his body had been begging for him to just give up. He didn’t want to at first, but the sweet sound of rest filled his body. So Shownu listened and closed his eyes.  
////////// 

Shownu was woken up by loud noises coming from outside the door. It didn’t matter to him. He chose to ignore it and continue to just stay laying on the cold cement floor with his eyes closed. Maybe if his body didn’t feel like a puddle he would have at least gotten up, but that isn't going to happen. Why does it matter anyway? They are finally coming to get him. Finally coming to put him out of his misery. The idea of being in this room while the others are suffering, hurts him. It really hurt to not know what is happening to them. He was drifting off again, thinking about what would happen to him, but his thoughts were brought back when he heard feint noises of someone screaming. He stayed as quiet as he possibly could trying to listen to said screams. He finally opened his eyes when the feint noises turned into struggling noises. Shownu actually managed to force his body to get up and back away from the door. He stared at the door, listening to the noises that grew louder and closer. Once it sounded like the noises were right in front of the door, they sounded familiar. He heard a loud thud and the struggling noises stopped. Shownu jumped when the door suddenly burst open and in came two thugs dragging a limp body with them. One of the thugs noticed him and Shownu’s heart nearly stopped. 

“Holy crap look he actually woke up” the second thug looked at Shownu and gave him a creepy smile.

“That sucks. I was sure he was a dead man. He might as well have just died” both thugs laughed at him and started exiting the room, but not before they threw the body in the room. Shownu looked at the very familiar body laying on the floor, then turned and glared at the two thugs. It caused them to laugh even more, they then slammed the door shut. Shownu crawled to the body on the floor and turned him over. Everything in his body did a flip. He felt like he was going to be sick at how mad he was, but at the same time he felt like crying. The person he was now holding on his lap was a very beaten up looking Jooheon. Shownu gently stroked the rapper’s bruised cheek with his shaking hand.

“J-Jooheon…oh god what did they do to you?” it was a stupid thing to ask because what else could they have done to him. The guy looked like he had been through hell. Jooheon had make up caked on his face, but it was smeared like someone was touching his face. It looked like it was recently added so Shownu knew that it wasn’t the makeup they had left with after the concert. Why then did he have make up on? That’s not what bothered him though. Jooheon had new bruises and cuts all over his face and body. A small flow of blood made its way down his chin because of the a cut on his lip. He sighed at the sight of the younger male, it made him feel worse that he wasn’t there for them. Would his presence done anything? Shownu took the bottom of his shirt and started gently rubbing away at the makeup on the younger's face. Once he felt he had wiped away as much as he could he started gently dabbing away the blood on the rapper’s swollen red lips. He stroked the rapper’s hair to give himself comfort. Shownu didn’t know what to do, the silence was killing him. Jooheon is normally a very talkative, cheerful person and seeing him like this. Hurt him. As hours passed, Shownu was still holding on to the younger male. it was quiet and shownu was falling back to sleep because he was still so very tired. He snapped out of his daze when suddenly the rapper started thrashing and yelling in his arms.

“NO! Get away from me! Don’t touch me…it hurts” Jooheon had barely whimpered the last part before he went limp again. Shownu swallowed hard. What had they been doing to him? What caused the rapper to have nightmares like that?

“Jooheon…it’s okay I’m here I won’t let those people hurt you anymore” Shownu brought his forehead down too Jooheon’s. “I-I’m here please just don’t give up on me” a tear had slipped from Shownu and it landed on Jooheon’s cheek and as if this was some kind of crappy clique fairy tale the rapper started waking up. Jooheon started scanning him with half open eyes. Shownu smiles down at the rapper. The moment Jooheon found out who was holding him, his eyes open wide in shock. Many different emotions were seen on the rapper’s face, while he pulled himself away from Shownu. Jooheon sat up staring at him for several minutes before he reached out and cupped Shownu’s face with his hands.

“H-Hyung is it really you?” Shownu stares at him confused.

“No, I’m his clone” he tried to joke to lighten the mood, but Jooheon didn’t seem to find it amusing. The rapper was staring at him intently, his bottom lip trembling. Shownu couldn’t stand watching Jooheon like this. The rapper would always laugh when Shownu made horrible jokes. So Shownu reached out and caressed the younger’s trembling lip being careful not to hurt the cut on it. “Of course it’s me Jooheonnie. Who else would it be?” next thing Shownu knew he was being pulled into a bone crushing hug. 

“Y-You don’t understand how happy I am to see you hyung!” Jooheon sobbed out. Shownu hugged the younger back and started rubbing comforting circles on his back. What does he mean by that?

“Jooheon it’s okay” Shownu tried to pull the rapper away so he could look him in the eyes, but Jooheon wouldn’t let go and continued to sob on his shoulder. “Hey Heony… it’s okay. I’m okay and more importantly you’re okay” Jooheon shook his head and hugged Shownu even tighter.

“You d-don’t understand Hyung…I” 

“Whatever it is Jooheonnie I’ll understand, I promise” the rapper had calmed down just enough to finish what he wanted to say.

“…I-We thought you were dead” it took Shownu awhile to process what he had just heard. He felt sick, he had been knocked out for a day right?

“w-why?” was the only thing he managed to ask. He was afraid to know the answer. Jooheon had pulled away from the hug and looked at him confused.

“Hyung…we haven’t seen you for days and they kept telling us that you were dead…we didn’t believe them at first, but as time went by and you still didn’t show up. We didn’t know what to think” Days? Shownu got up and started pacing around the room. How long had he been out? It started getting hard for him to breathe.

“How long” Jooheon was still sitting on the floor and looked up at him hesitant. “Damn it, Jooheon tell me exactly how fucking long!” he didn’t mean to snap like that, but he was really confused and mad at this point and needed answers. 

“A-Almost three weeks…” the rapper said while scrambling to the corner of the room. Shownu rubbed his face in frustration. He had been out for Three weeks. 

“How many of us are still here Jooheon?” the rapper looked up at him. “Damn it Jooheon answer me!” the rapper looked broken. Shownu doesn’t blame him. He blames himself for even yelling at the guy, Jooheon did nothing wrong and yet here he is letting out all his pent up anger on the guy. 

“W-We are all still here. It turns out the boss guy had other plans with us. Instead of making payment for us once, he could just keep us and make money off of us with whatever the clientele wanted with us” Shownu just stood there looking at Jooheon’s uncharacteristic emptiness.

“What do you mean ‘what the clients want’?” Jooheon looked at the far wall and took a deep breathe.

“He um made us do stuff…w-with our…bodies” Shownu felt a cold shiver travel up his spine. “W-Well it was mostly Hoseok, Minhyuk and Hyungwon. They um…” Jooheon started crying again. Shownu felt like shit for yelling at the guy. What had they been through? He wouldn’t know since he had been sleeping for three fucking weeks. He knelt down next to the rapper and put his hand on his shoulder. Damn it he shouldn’t be making Jooheon relive what he has been through, but he needs to know what happened to them while he was absent.

“Jooheon I know it’s hard, but I need to know what happened. I promise that they won’t hurt you anymore. Not while I’m here with you now” Jooheon nodded.  
“…They took the worst of it. They said it was to protect Changkyun, Kihyun and I, but I didn’t like it hyung. They would always come back…different. Minhyuk doesn’t smile anymore, Hyungwon seems so lost in thought all the time and Hoseok is hurting bad. He tries to act so strong for us, but he is breaking hyung” Jooheon paused to take a shaky breathe. “Kihyun seems out of it all the time like he doesn’t know what is going on and Changkyun hasn’t talked since the day…they took you away from us”  
“Jooheon if you don’t mind me asking, what would they make you do?” Jooheon looked at his trembling hands.  
“Hyung the boss guy is a sick PERV! He made us…umm how do I say this? Please the clients? I didn’t do it much at first because Hyungwon, Minhyuk and Hoseok wouldn’t let us and took our place” listening to the story Jooheon was telling him was pissing him off. What the fuck? If the rapper says what he is thinking that they are making them do. Then he is going to lose it. “They had managed to last at least a week and a half doing that. The problem was that during that time they would always comeback looking like hell. They said they were fine every time Kihyun or I would want to take their place so they could rest, but they would refuse. One day though Hyungwon was dragged back into the room. He looked really freaking tired and weak” Jooheon’s body started trembling. Shownu squeezed the rapper’s Shoulder gently. Telling him that he is going to be fine.

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to” Jooheon shook his head. Shownu knew that meant he was going to continue. Did he really want to hear more?

“The reason behind it is because Hyungwon got a client that got really ruff with him. They wouldn’t stop…F-Fu…they wouldn’t stop hurting him. I could hear Hyungwon’s screams of pain. Hyungwon would beg him to stop, but he wouldn’t” for the sake of not scaring Jooheon, Shownu stayed as calm as he could. He had to distract himself somehow and he did that by digging his nails into his palms. “He could barely move, he couldn’t even talk. The fuckers came back for him the next day, but I didn’t want him to go anymore. So I volunteered to take his place. You should have seen him Hyung. He would try so hard to get up so I wouldn’t have to go, but he had no strength left in him. Kihyun tried to take my place, but I wouldn’t let him either. They took me away and at first it wasn’t bad. None of the clients I had wanted to really do anything but talk and make out. That was until this really weird dressed lady comes in and…and starts…sticking vibrating things inside of me. It hurt really bad and as the days passed it got worse and worse, it was wearing out my body. I felt nauseous, I didn’t want to eat anything. I endured it, until yesterday where the same guy who hurt Hyungwon came to me. At first he would just kiss me roughly, but then it progressed to the vibrators. Then he would touch me all over the place it felt weird I didn’t want him to touch me. Th-then he stuck his member in me without preparation and as if fucking me senseless wasn’t good enough for him he would stick in some of the toys in as well as him still being inside of me” Shownu could feel blood trickling down his palm. Anger was all he felt. He was going to kill all those fucking bastards. “It hurt so much…I would scream and the guy wouldn’t stop he would just do it harder. I felt like dying hyung. I felt so dirty so used” Shownu shook his head. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He was so outraged at this point that anything could set him off on a rampage. He made the mistake of looking at the broken looking male in front of him. At that point Shownu had lost it, nothing was safe from his rage. He was screaming and banging on the door on the walls. They went through so much and where was he? he had managed to break the light bulb with his fist. By the time he had finished his rampage. He sunk to his knees. He looked at his trembling hands, they were covered in cuts and bruises now. He let them fall to his sides because he didn’t care about his pain. He is so useless. He should have been there with them. Jooheon and the others went through so much crap and he wasn’t there to help them. Shownu looked up at the ceiling and started silently crying. He was a bit startled when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist.

“Hyung…please don’t cry. It’s okay” Shownu pushed Jooheon away annoyed. For fucks sake the guy should be hating him right now, not hugging him.

“NO, it’s not okay Jooheon! Nothing about this is okay! I-I wasn’t there for you guys when you really needed it…I should have been there!” Jooheon returned the annoyed look.

“And what Hyung? What would you have done differently!”

“I would have found us a way out of this hell hole!” 

“I know you hyung! When you say us you don’t mean yourself. You would always try to do everything yourself and that’s going to kill you hyung! None of us would like that” Jooheon seems angry.

“I don’t care what you guys would have liked. If it meant keeping you guys safe I would do it no matter the risk!” Jooheon’s breathing became fast and unsteady.

“NO Shownu! Why are you so freaking stupid! Stop trying to do everything for other and start thinking about your own life because if you don’t then it’s going to get you killed!”

“I don’t care if it kills me as long as you guys are safe. Nothing else matters because I don’t want to see you guys die. I-I already failed to save someone I cared about…I-I can’t lose anymore. I’m not s-strong enough” Jooheon looked at Shownu in sorrow. The rapper had once again pulled him into a hug, but Shownu didn’t hug back. He was too busy sobbing into the younger’s shoulder.

“Hyung I miss the manager hyung too, but it wasn’t your fault why he isn’t here anymore. What happened to him was way out of your hands. You can’t blame yourself for that. It’ll make you sick” Jooheon said in the most calming way that made Shownu relax a bit, but at the same time Shownu was so messed up that that ‘bit’ was practically nothing.

“I can’t not blame myself. I was there I saw him die. Every time I close my eyes I see him all bloody. I could have helped him” Jooheon rubs his back and for the first time in a long time someone comforts him.

“it’s going to be okay hyung. I promise. We can make it through this together. All of us” Shownu for the first time since this whole thing started relaxed. Maybe it was because he was tired from the little rampage he had or maybe they can pull through. Maybe they will be okay.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-So i added my own character in this just to get the story going because lets be honest i don't think they could have escaped without help. i don't know about the guys name though. i only picked the name because that's what my family nicknamed my brother. let me know if you liked this or not. more of the band members will be shown in the next chapter so wait for that i guess. once again thank you guys for reading.

Shownu was watching over Jooheon as he slept soundly on the only bed that was in this room. it was the crappiest bed you could think of, but it was still sleep able on. Shownu just sat on the cold floor absorbing the calmness of the situation. Everything was quiet, except for the rapper’s slightly uneven breathing. He just took in Jooheon’s sleeping figure, the younger looked like he was finally getting some peaceful sleep it was almost like he was sleeping on the couch back at the dorm. Shownu could almost picture this moment as Jooheon just taking one of his power naps. He could almost see all of them enjoying a movie together, laughing, eating popcorn. He can almost picture their bright smiles, almost picture how happy he used to be just watching his friends become bigger. Become what they worked so hard to be, but that all just seems so far away now, those happy times will never happen again as long as they are trapped here being used like they were animals. He can’t see them having simpler days like that anymore. Days were he could actually smile. Days were the only thing he needed to worry about is whether he could have an apple or a cheese burger for dinner. Those days are gone and it hurts. It makes him feel empty. Shownu sighs as he reaches out to stroke the rapper’s cheek. He smiles sadly to himself.Why? Why out of all the things to happen to them this happens? everything about this is so wrong. No one could have seen this coming. It was just bad luck. This could have happened to anyone. Shownu moves his hand to stroke the rapper's hair. It had been at least three weeks since Jooheon was thrown in here with him. That day had been the happiest day of his life. It meant he didn't have to deal with loneliness. He was good with copping with things easily, but he could never deal with being alone. Who likes being alone though? He sighs loudly, but stops when Jooheon moved slightly. Shownu held his breath until the younger went still again and continued to sleep. The rapper had made his life slightly less miserable. It gave Shownu a reason to keep fighting for his life, but as the days drag on he finds himself sinking deeper into this black void of nothingness. Can anyone blame him? Ever since this whole thing started he hasn’t been able to avoid sinking into this depression. It has been hard, just the thought of dying in this shit hole of a place threw him into darkness. The fact that he will never see his family ever again was another reason. It hurt to know that he will never see his mother’s smile or feel his father’s strong arms wrap around him in a hug. It’s too much for him to think about. What makes it worse is that he can’t get the image of their manager out of his head. He can’t have anyone else’s life rest on his conscious or he will snap. It’s hard and he doesn’t want to do it anymore, he wants to go home. Shownu gets up to stretch because he can't keep at looking at Jooheon. it's not like its a bad thi it just reminds him of how he hadn't had a wink of ‘peaceful’—meaning not being knocked out for three weeks—sleep since he had been reunited with Jooheon. His normal sleeping schedule now consists of nightmares, panic attacks and just nights were he just can’t sleep. Anytime this happens he tends to stay as quiet as possible trying not to wake up the other male. There are nights were he has no control and can’t contain his screams of terror. On those nights Jooheon is there by his side to comfort him to get him to stop crying hysterically. Shownu isn’t proud of this. He hates feeling so weak. He hates…himself. They need a freaking miracle to get out of here. Shownu was snapped out of his thought when he heard voices coming from just outside the door. “Geez you guys are just a bunch of assholes aren't you? Why are we doing this to them? I don’t understand why we have to treat them so bad? I mean isn't what you dicks doing to them enough?” Shownu walked closer to the door curiosity getting the better of him. He pressed his ear against the cold metal to listen better.

“Shut the fuck up Reyes. I really don't need to listen to your bullshit right now” 

“Really you're telling me to shut up? Okay, i mean if you don't see this as wrong…I mean come one we are treating them like sex slaves and that is disgusting” Shownu couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He could hear the worry in this man’s voice, but it was well masked by sarcasm. Is someone actually worried about them?  
"Cut the bullshit from what I’ve heard about you is that you shouldn’t care about anyone or thing. Besides they are getting us plenty of money so shut up. Remember why the boss hired you in the first place” 

“Fuck off I told your boss to shove it up his ass. he knows the only reason i'm here and doing this wasn't part of it”

“You are lucky the boss liked what you could do or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Besides we don’t normally care about what happens to our items” this person sounded more gruff and lifeless compared to the other male who spoke earlier.

“Items? The drugs he told me we sold are items…these-these are human beings not something we can dispose of like…” Shownu heard the man get cut off suddenly.

“If you don’t shut up with that crap. I don’t fucking care if these bastards die or live so just be quiet and give them their fucking food” said the bitter male. "If you call this fucking food. This shit is nasty" "Reyes i swear i'll..." "You'll what?" "nothing..." "That's what i thought. All bark no bite" Shownu heard the door starting to open and he protectively backed away and stood in front of Jooheon. The door flung open and in came one guy holding a tray of food and a bottle of water. The second thug was pointing a gun at Shownu. He watches how the first male looks at him with gentle eyes. Who is this guy? He looked different than the other thugs he has seen around. He was younger maybe in his late twenties early thirties. He didn’t look like he was from around here though. His skin was a mocha color brown, his hair was jet back and curly. His eyes where so dark brown they almost looked black. He seemed well built and muscular, probably to make up for his small height. The guy could be a model and Shownu couldn't see why someone like him was in a place like this. The male was obviously a foreigner. Was he Hispanic? He certainly had a slight accent when he talked. This man had a soft expression as he looked at Shownu. It was like he acknowledged that Shownu was alive and not just some piece of dead meat. The Hispanic male placed the tray and bottle of water down gently on the floor in front of him. Said person then looks away from Shownu and glances at Jooheon before he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out what looks like bandages and medicine. Shownu eyed him suspiciously. He was taken by surprise when the male smiled at him kindly. 

“Ronnie what the actual fuck are you doing! Get the fuck over here right now” the thug with the gun shouted at the male. Ronnie was his name? 

“Don’t call me that... You aren’t allowed to call me that and calm the fuck down I’m just giving them some medical supplies” "You know we aren't allowed to do that Reyes" "Sue me for doing something humane" Ronnie then turns back to look at Shownu “Take care of Yourself and your friend, okay?” the male winks at him then turns around and disappears behind the door that just slammed shut. Shownu blinked confused at the objects on the floor, he than slowly walks toward the objects and picks them up. He hid the medical supplied so no one could see them, then brings the slush they called food and the bottle of water to Jooheon. Shownu sets the food on the floor and gently starts to wake up the rapper.

“Hey Jooheonnie…wake up. It’s time for you to eat” the rapper didn’t budge. Shownu was worried for Jooheon despite him doing alot better than before he was still really tired and weak for it to be normal. “Jooheon, come on wake up” Shownu started to gently shake him. The rapper groans in frustration before he half opens his eyes and looked at him. “Hey, I have food and water here for you” Jooheon then groaned again and rolled around on his side, so his back would be facing him.

“No~ it’s gross. I don’t want it Hyung it makes me sick” Shownu sighed at the rapper’s stubborn behavior.

“I know it’s gross, but you have to eat it to keep your strength up Jooheon” the rapper shakily sat up on the bed and turned to pout at him.

“What about you hyung? I’m not stupid you know. I know you haven’t been eating so I could have more to eat” Shownu sighed again and started scooping up the gunk with the spoon.

“I know you aren’t stupid Jooheon. You just need to eat it please” Shownu tried to feed him, but the rapper refused to open his mouth. “Jooheon please don’t make this hard” he wasn’t in the mood for this.

“I ate yesterday hyung…I think I can go a day or two without food” the rapper placed his hand on top of Shownu’s hand that was holding the spoon. “I know you’re trying to look after me Shownu, but you have to look after yourself too” Jooheon took the spoon away from him. “Please…I don’t want to lose you for real” he put the spoonful of food next to Shownu’s mouth. “I’m fine hyung. You have been taking good care of me these past couple of days” Shownu pushed the food away. The rapper frowned at him. “Shownu…please…I can’t stand seeing you so weak. Just eat something” 

“Jooheon just eat the damn food will you” Shownu eyed Jooheon. The rapper looked at him in annoyance.

“NO…if you are going to be freaking stubborn and aren’t going to eat then I won’t either… until you do” Shownu felt angry because are they really fighting about who eats the food. 

“This isn’t some joke Jooheon! Stop being so…” Shownu’s sentence was cut off because when he stood up everything went fuzzy. He stumbled backwards and just before he was going to fall back he felt someone hold on to him. He looked down at Jooheon perplexed. Was the rapper spinning him around or is that how his vision is right now? 

“Shownu please…look I’m fine…I’m okay because of you. You helped me so much hyung, but right now let me help you please…I don’t want to lose you” Jooheon blurted out on Shownu’s chest. Once the spinning stopped Shownu held onto the rapper. 

“Jooheon…I’m fine…” Shownu looked at the trembling male holding on to him for dear life.

“You aren’t…I can’t do this Shownu…I can’t watch you slowly crumble apart…please just keep fighting” Jooheon trembled in Shownu’s arms. 

“Jooheon…you’re right I shouldn’t be acting like this. Thank you for looking after me. How about we both eat” Jooheon looked up at Shownu giving him a smile. They sat themselves on the floor and ate in silence. The food was tasteless as always, but something about this situation made Shownu forget about that. As long as he has someone here he will be fine. He can still make it through this hell hole.

///////

A week has passed since that day and they would always share the food and water since then. Nothing has really changed overtime he still hasn’t heard about how the others are doing and this bothers him deeply. The only thing that has been different these past couple of days was the male named Ronnie. He would come along and give them medical supplies along with other objects. Shownu would hide the medical supplies for future need. As for the other objects he found them to be weird. The guy Ronnie would bring him and Jooheon pass time objects. Ronnie would bring them books and games to pass the time. Sometimes he would get them a chocolate bar or two bottles of water. This guy is definitely different from the rest of those assholes out there for sure. Shownu wonders how a guy like him wound up working for thugs like this.

The door was suddenly burst open and it sent him instinctively in between the person and Jooheon. It was always hard to ever determine what they are going to do when they come in here. They could come in to take the rapper away from him and they’re freaking crazy if they think they will take Jooheon away from him. A man with a gun was the first one in the room. He had his gun pointed at Shownu like always. Then in came Ronnie carrying a thin body bridal style. Shownu looked closely at the person being carried and his heart raced with excitement. Had they really brought him another one of his friends? He could honestly smile, if it wasn’t for the condition of said person. Shownu paled when he recognized the person to be Hyungwon. The taller male looked like he was in a daze. He had deep dark circles under his eyes. His eyelids were half way closed, as if he was in some kind of trance. Hyungwon had his mouth hanging open with drool puddling out. There was a nasty bruise on the right side of his neck. His head lulled from side to side every time Ronnie would move him. Shownu felt anger boil out of him. The guy named Ronnie motioned for the guard to leave. The guard glared at him disgustedly before he turned away and walked out the door locking it. 

“Hey, you still have all the medical stuff right?” Ronnie asked. Shownu glared at the male in front of him. “I know it’s hard to trust me, but I’m on your side I swear” the guy seemed like he was genuinely telling the truth. Shownu walked over to where he has been hiding all the medical supplies and gestured for Jooheon to stay where he was. He watched how Ronnie gently placed Hyungwon on the bed, then stepped back so Shownu could get to him. Shownu looked over Hyungwon and bandaged up his bruised body. Shownu trembled every time he would find a bruise or a cut on the male. It didn’t help that Hyungwon would constantly whimper in pain. Shownu ran a hand through his own hair and looked up only to be surprised. Jooheon and Ronnie where playing a card game. Jooheon looked unsure, but at the same time he looked sort of calm around the guy. 

“What happened to him?” both Jooheon and Ronnie look over at Shownu.

“You mean what happened to Hyungwon?” Shownu sort of flinched when he heard Hyungwon’s name come out of the male’s mouth.

“Yes, why is he so beaten up?” Shownu said harshly.

“One of the…clients snuck some drugs in and force feed them to your friend” Ronnie looked over at Hyungwon sadly. “It cost me a lot to convince the boss to let him recover with you guys…” 

“Why are you helping us?” Shownu said bitterly. Ronnie looked back at him calmly.

“I…” there was a hint of nothingness in his eyes for a second, but it disappeared with a smile “because it’s the right thing to do. What they are doing to you guys is wrong” Jooheon looked at him confused.

“Don’t give me that bullshit! I don’t know who you are trying to fool, but it’s not going to be me” Shownu snapped.

“I know it’s hard to believe but I am on your side…I…” Shownu was angry by this point.

“You expect me to believe that? You don’t know what we have been through. You don’t understand what it feels like to be freaking taken away from your family and shoved in a hell hole like this!” Ronnie’s expression didn’t change much, but Shownu could see something. Something that made him shut up. Jooheon looked between Shownu and Ronnie. 

“I think what Shownu is trying to say is what makes you any different from them?” Ronnie looked at Jooheon then down at the cards in his hands.

“No, i get that he is getting at and really nothing…I’m not any different from those bastards” Jooheon looked over at Shownu then back at Ronnie. “…I’m sorry....I have to go…it was nice talking to you guys” Ronnie got up from where he was sitting with Jooheon, then he knocked on the door announcing who he was and left. Jooheon also got up and sat next to Shownu.

“How is Hyungwon?” Jooheon said calmly. 

“He is going to be fine…thanks to the medical supplies Ronnie gave us”

“Shownu don’t get mad at me, but I think we can trust him” Shownu looked over at Jooheon

“Why?” was all Shownu said.

“He isn’t like the others. When I was with Hoseok and the others everyone would beat us if we did something wrong. They all looked cruel and lifeless, but Ronnie looks different. He looks just as broken as us” Shownu sighed loudly. If there is one person who can read people it is Jooheon. He was always good at telling apart good people from bad people.

“Are you positive Jooheon? You are 100% certain we can trust this guys” Jooheon looked over at Hyungwon, who was now sleeping soundly on the bed.

“I mean he brought us Hyungwon, right?” Shownu looked at Hyungwon’s sleeping figure. Jooheon has a point. Every time this guy showed up he did nothing, but help them. Shownu’s heart sped up in excitement. Could this be their big break? Could this be their chance of escape? If this guy helps them they can escape. They can finally get the hell out of here. Shownu ruffled Jooheon’s hair. “HEY, hyung! My hair is already a messed up! I don’t need you to mess it up even more!” Shownu smiled at the rapper. He actually smiled for once.

/////

Several hours have passed and Shownu was waiting for Ronnie to show up with their food. He needs to talk to him. Shownu heard the door open and in came Ronnie with more food than they normally get. Shownu was way too excited and jumped to his feet walking over to him. He had completely forgot about the thug with the gun that normally follows him in. The thug pointed the gun straight at Shownu’s chest.

“How many fucking times do I have to tell you to stay back!” the thug cocked the gun and Shownu freezes in his place not because of the gun pointed at him. No, it was because Ronnie had grabbed the barrel of the gun.

“If I were you I would stop pointing that gun at him” hatred was laced in his voice. 

“What the fuck are you doing? Let go of the gun” said the thug.

“I’m not going to repeat myself again” Shownu couldn’t believe it. The thug that was at least 2x bigger than Ronnie looked at him in fear. The gun lowered until it was pointed at the floor. “Wait outside while I talk to him” the thug nodded and left the room closing the door behind him. “Sorry about that…are you okay?” that friendly smile appeared back on Ronnie’s face. 

“Yea…Thank you” Ronnie looked over Shownu’s shoulder so he could look at Jooheon and Hyungwon both sleeping on the bed. 

“How cute. How are they doing?”

“They are doing fine thanks to you” They fall in silence. “Listen I want to trust you…Jooheon does, but I can’t get myself to trust you…if I don’t know anything about you” Ronnie’s smile disappeared.

“I’m not sure you will like what you'll hear. if I tell you about myself you will fear me like everyone in this freaking world” Shownu also looked over at his friends. 

“I’ll be the one to determine that” Ronnie smiled sadly.

“Okay, ask away”

“Is Ronnie your real name?” Shownu felt like he was going to die. Did he really just ask that question? 

“No, Ronnie is just a nickname that…um...someone gave me. My real name is Roman Torres Reyes” 

“Oh…do you want me to call you Roman instead then?” god why is he so awkward?

“Nah man call me Ronnie all my friends call me that...wait i don't have friends” he said that last part to himself.

“Okay…so how long have you been living here in Korea?”

“Hmm about a year I think” 

“Only a year? You speak Korean really well”

“Yea, it was sort of part of my job to adapt to new surrounding fast” 

“Why are you helping us?” Ronnie seemed hesitant “Tell me the truth this time”

“I’ve done some bad things in the past…” Shownu looked at him confused. “Please promise me you won’t hate me when I tell you this…please I don’t think I can stand watching anyone else hate me anymore” 

“I promise” Ronnie smiled at him. He then took a deep breath

“When I was 8 I was trained as a hitman back in Mexico…I was one of the best. There wasn’t a job I couldn’t do…I killed so many people and didn’t think twice about it. The pay was great and no one ever messed with me. When I was 24 I was living the life. I didn’t care that what I was doing was wrong” He paused to look at the ceiling “That was until I met the love of my life. She changed everything about me. She saw a different side of me that no one else ever saw. She helped me realize that what I was doing was wrong. I eventually retired my Hitman career. A year later and we got married and I was living the life for a three years. I have never been happier in my life. That was until people started coming after me for revenge. I decided to move somewhere far away to keep her safe. So we moved here and I thought we were safe from everything, but…” Shownu could see the sadness on his face. “…She was taken away from me. We were just about to have a baby girl too. They were taken away…this is why I’m here…this is why I’m working for this fucker so I can see them again and that’s also why I’m helping you guys. You have people back home that are probably worried to death about you. I know how that feels” Ronnie looks at Shownu “I know you were going to ask me if I could help you escape” Shownu looks at him wide eyed.

“How did you know?” Ronnie smirked at him

“Hermano (brother) you are so easy to read and the answer is yes I’ll help you and your friends escape” Shownu could honestly burst into tears after hearing that.

“I have one last question though…”

“Ask away hermano”

“Do you by any chance know how the others are doing” Shownu waited for the worst, but Ronnie looked calm.

“They are fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ve been as nice to them as I have to you guys. You know that your Changkyun friend is freaking adorable right” Shownu laughed. “Hey, it’s good to finally see you happy. Em I right guys?” Shownu turned around and saw Hyungwon and Jooheon looking at him. 

“Hyung, fuck you are okay!” Hyungwon said while flinging himself at Shownu. Shownu hugged the thinner male.

“You have no idea how freaking worried I am about you guys” Shownu said. “I thought I would never see any of you again”

“God, we thought you and Jooheon were dead until Ronnie told us you guys were perfectly fine” Hyungwon said into Shownu’s shoulder. “You don’t understand how much we have missed you guys” Jooheon managed to snuggle himself in between them both. Shownu looked over at Ronnie.

“Hey, why are you just standing there?” Ronnie looked startled “Come here man you are just as much part of this hug” 

“Nah Hermano, I’m not much of a hugger. I should probably get going anyway got to get somethings ready for the great escape, right?” Ronnie was turning around to leave, but Jooheon caught him in a back hug.

“Thank you so much. I knew I could trust you” Ronnie turned around and ruffled Jooheon’s hair.

“No need to thank me hermanito. I’ll be back to discuss details about this later is that okay with you” He said to Shownu. He nodded a yes to him and Ronnie left. This is it. This is there lucky break. Ronnie is there miracle. They are going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo what did you think...it sucked right I knew it i'm sorry. let me know what you guys think


	5. Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not really a new chapter sorry guys :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I know I have been slacking with the updates and I am super sorry. I kind of lost my motivation to write :( it sucks really bad. I want to give you guys good content to read and can't if I have no motivation. So I will be taking a little break if you guys don't mind. here is a little idea of the nightmares shownu has been having and also the after affects.
> 
> Hey, also if you guys want to motivate me you can bug me and send me meme of K-pop or other things on my Instagram. I post stupid memes I find funny or relatable ones haha I also almost everyday post something on my Instagram story. so if you guys wanna be friends an stuff hit me up lol you can see how much of a weirdo I am =P so my Instagram is the same name on here, the profile picture is of a muscular guy with a magicarp head.

Shownu woke up dazed, everything felt fuzzy like he wasn’t all there. He didn’t know where he was. He would try to move, but he couldn’t no matter how much he willed his body to do so. It was as if something was holding him back, like something was binding him to that spot. He felt helpless. It didn’t help that everywhere he looked it was pitch black. He couldn’t see a damn thing, and it all just felt so empty. He feels trapped. He is trapped, in an unknown place. Shownu closed his eyes and tried to focus on the noise around him. There was no noise, there was nothing not even the sound of the breeze. He couldn’t hear anything at all. It was as if he was in some kind of void. Dread, so much dread filled his body. He felt cold. Shownu was trembling in his binds. If there was one thing Shownu hated the most, it was being alone and there seem to be no one in sight. It ran through his body like finger nails clawing down his bare back. It caused him to panic.

 

“Hello…is anyone there?” Shownu nearly chokes on his words. “Please…someone answer me” he pleaded. He kept calling out until his voice cracked anytime he spoke. He wore out his throat and now it hurt every time he spoke. Shownu gives up. He closes his eyes and just absorbs the silence. That is until he hears a maniacal laugh echo through the empty room. It sounded cruel and not human. Shownu’s heart beat was getting uncontrollably fast, he couldn’t control it. The longer the laughing ringed in his ears the more panicked he felt. 

 

“Wh-who are you!” Shownu tried to yell, but his voice cracked. He started struggling against his bindings, but the more he moved the tighter they got. Every passing moment the laughing would get louder and closer. While the binds got tighter around him causing it hard to breathe “STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!” He managed to shout, but his throat burned. It wouldn’t stop though. No matter how much he begged. He struggled more and the things binding him were practically suffocating him “What do you want from me…” He managed to wheeze out. Shownu went still when everything went quiet again. The sudden silence made Shownu want to run, but he couldn’t. 

 

“Do you really want to know what I want?” a deep gurgling voice answered him. Shownu has never felt so afraid to answer back. His heart was practically in his throat and it was preventing him from talking. “I want you to suffer. I want you to watch” it replied to itself.

 

“Watch what?” Shownu asked frightened. Bright lights suddenly blinding him. It took him awhile to adjust to the sudden light. When his vision cleared he looked around and noticed he was in some kind of torture room. He looked around more and his eyes focused on six other people bonded up on chairs. These six people had cloth bags over their heads so Shownu couldn’t see who they were, but he had a gut feeling that he knew anyway. 

 

“Who do you want to see?” Shownu’s gaze drifted to a masked figure standing behind the six people. “Who do you want to see?” repeated the man. Shownu froze. What does this man mean? He looked at the six other people. Shownu shook his head.

“Please…leave them alone…” he said tears starting to build up.

“Who do you want to see?” repeated the masked man.

“Please…I’ll do anything…take me instead…just leave them alone” tears stream down his cheeks.

“I won’t ask again. If you don’t answer this time I’ll kill all of them” said the masked man calmly. Shownu felt his heart sink.

“PLEASE I BEG YOU DON’T…..”

“WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE!” 

 

“H-Hoseok…I want to see him” Shownu said quietly not daring to look at the man, but he did watch how the man lifted his boney hand and pulled one of the sacks off one of the persons head. Shownu inhaled sharply. It really was Hoseok. The male was knocked out cold. Dread. So much dread filled Shownu’s body. He wanted so bad to hug his friend. 

 

“Hmmm you chose to watch it happen to him?” Shownu looked back at the masked man. What is this guy freaking talking about?

 

“Watch what happen to him?” He heard a loud click come from next to the man and everything happened so fast, but Shownu saw it all so clearly. The masked man had suddenly brought a gun to Hoseok’s head. Shownu started to scream at him to stop, but it was too late. There was no hesitation. None what so ever when the male pulled the trigger. Shownu watched how Hoseok’s body hung limp and lifeless right in front of his eyes. All the blood dripping down his friend’s head. It made Shownu want to puke, but he only screamed and cried. Hoseok was dead and it happened right in front of his eyes. He couldn’t do anything about it, but scream.

/////// 

Shownu had woken up sweating like crazy. He looked around and everything looked normal when he had fallen asleep. Jooheon and Hyungwon were still asleep on the bed like he remembers leaving them. Shownu tries to calm himself down. He tries telling himself it was just a bad dream, but this one felt so real. It has defiantly been the worst one by far and it causing him so freak out. He can’t control his breathing. The images of Hoseok’s lifeless body dance in his head and he can’t help but start sobbing. Shownu brings his hand up to cover his mouth so he could muffle the loud sobs that were escaping him. He can’t breathe. He can’t stop. Everything feels so unreal. He just sits there sobbing. He feels so sick. Is this really what he has become? He can’t stand it anymore. He needs to feel something other than fear. He starts clawing at the skin on his forearm. He claws at it until he draws out a stream of blood. He presses his eyes shut and whimpers into his hand due to the pain that shot through his body. 

 

“Shownu?” Jooheon’s voice was barely a whisper. Shownu wanted to answer, but he still couldn’t find his voice. He saw as someone appeared next to him.

 

“Oh my god Shownu…wh-what did you do to yourself?” he heard Hyungwon say. Once again Shownu couldn’t say anything. 

 

“Shit Hyungwon I think he is having another one of his panic attack” Jooheon said worry clear in his voice.

 

“Another one? You mean this isn’t the first time this has happened?” Hyungwon replied, his voice cracking slightly.

 

“No, but this is the first time he has hurt himself…” Jooheon placed his hands gently around the hand that was covering Shownu’s mouth. “Shownu it is okay…you need to relax” He doesn’t understand what Jooheon is saying. All he can see is the blood pooling out of Hoseok’s head. Shownu starts trembling. Why? Why can’t he just be stronger? Why is he so weak? He can’t take this anymore. Why couldn’t he have just died in that car with the manager? That would have been such a better ending than this. He can’t breathe. He can’t stop trembling. He can’t stop crying. He can’t stop hurting.

 

“Shownu?...Oh my god…Jooheon what do we do he is flipping out” Hyungwon grabbed Shownu, but he was out of it. It was as if he was dazed. “Shownu…look at me...” Hyungwon’s voiced cracked with emotion. 

 

“I don’t know what to do…It hasn’t been this bad before” Jooheon looked like he was about to cry.

 

“Shownu!” Hyungwon shouted and slapped Shownu on the cheek. It was as if that helped him snap out of his dazed because Shownu could suddenly breathe again and he was aware of the two males around him. He was still trembling, but he felt better. He still felt lost, but he felt better. “Oh god Shownu…don’t…you…I…” Hyungwon pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay hyung you are okay…We are okay. You aren’t alone. Jooheon and I are here…” 

 

“We will always be there for you Shownu because you have always been there for us. We love you so much” Jooheon said also joining in the hug. Shownu was still silently crying, but he felt safe. “You have sacrificed so much for us. You always protect us from harm. Please let us protect you this time” Shownu could start to feel himself relaxing into their hugs, but the images keep coming back. Not just of Hoseok anymore. He sees all of them. They are all dead and he couldn’t do anything.

 

“I-I’m sorry…” Shownu barely whispered. He felt so useless, so broken. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you guys…” he can’t contain himself anymore. He is filled with so much regret. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you guys…It must have been so hard…I should have been there to protect you guys from those assholes” Shownu still can’t process what Jooheon had told him when the rapper was shoved in here with him. “I bet it was so hard for you guys… It must have felt like hell…I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there to protect you” he could feel Hyungwon’s grip tighten around him.

 

“Shownu…” Hyungwon started, but was cut off by Shownu.

 

“…I can’t deal with this. I’m really glad you and Jooheon are okay now, but the others are still going through so much and I can’t deal with it any more. They…I can’t…it should be me on the other end of all this hell. It should be me who has been getting freaking…” Shownu had started to hyperventilate again. “It should be me who should have died in the van…” 

 

“STOP IT! I-I don’t want to hear anymore from you hyung” Hyungwon was in tears. He gripped onto Shownu like he was afraid Shownu would disappear. “…just stop please…” Shownu had stopped trembling and looked over at the taller male in worry. He turns to look at Jooheon and the rapper had a lost expression on. He was going to say something, but was startled back to focus on Hyungwon. The taller male pulled Shownu away from him and had both hands gripping tight on either side of him. “FOR FUCKS SAKES Shownu! Stop…” Shownu opens his mouth to say something, but was interrupted this time by Jooheon who still looked lost.

 

“Shownu…how can you even say that…” Shownu doesn’t answer he just blankly looks at Jooheon. “…that you should ha…have been the one to die…it…I can’t stand it, please just stop saying all of this” Shownu looks at his trembling teammates.

“J-Jooheon I’m sorry” He puts an arm around the younger male and looks at Hyungwon. “I’m really sorry…you guys are right. I shouldn’t be talking like this. It just that…”

 

“Hyung… I know, you’re scared, you feel useless, helpless, powerless…it’s normal. It comes with being human” Hyungwon said. “I’m scared too. I’m scared for the others, but you have no idea how I…how we all felt when we thought…that you were dead” Shownu saw how both Hyungwon and Jooheon’s had a weird reaction to that statement.

 

“Appa…we love you, you know that right?” Jooheon said with big puppy dog eyes.

 

“Yea of course…why do you ask?”

 

“Then you know that we would never do anything to hurt you”

 

“Yea I know that…”

 

“Just like you do for us, we will do for you. You need to know that you aren’t alone. We will be by your side hyung…no matter what”

 

“Jooheon…”

 

“He is right hyung I know we don’t show much of the time, but you are all of our favorite because you are irresistible” Hyungwon added 

 

“Guys…” Shownu looked up at his friends and smiled. “…Thank you” they smiled back. “You know what I really want right now though” both males looked at him in question “I really badly want some pie, been craving it since we got here” Shownu hears Hyungwon laugh.

 

“When we get out of here, I’ll buy you all the freaking pie you want Appa!” Jooheon said clinging on to him.

 

“That is an offer I’ll take…now I have another reason I was to get out of here” Shownu said scratching the back of his head.

 

“I guess we just got to keep on fighting huh?” Hyungwon said also leaning on Shownu. 

 

“Guess we do” Shownu laughed and extended his arm in front of him with his hand in a fist “Fighting?” Hyungwon and Jooheon looked at him confused, but quickly caught on. They did the same thing. 

 

“Fighting!” all three of them said together throwing their fists in the air in determination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed and i'm really sorry again for the lack of content =(


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-So i'm a messed up person...so I'm putting a warning here just because people start getting a little to touchy with Shownu. it's not even that bad, but still if you don't like that sort of stuff don't read. anyway I would have finished this a long time ago, but I get distracted very easily. I'm SORRY! hope you like. also I didn't really prof read it. I'M SORRY AGAIN!

“Wait hold on. I don’t understand... You want us to what?” Shownu asked the Hispanic man standing in front of him. Shownu, Jooheon and Hyungwon were sitting on the floor while Ronnie was pacing back and forth around the small jail cell. 

“Listen Hermano. I know this is all hard to digest, but it would be much easier to help you guys if you are all in the same place” Ronnie responded still pacing back and fourth. Shownu looked at the lost expressions on both Jooheon and Hyungwon were making. He felt his heart clench seeing his friends like this. Shownu promised them that he wasn’t going to let these assholes take them away again, but here he is listening to Ronnie say the opposite.

“There has to be another way. I promised them that they wouldn't go back. I can't break that promise” Shownu said a little heated. Ronnie had stopped pacing and looked at him annoyed.

“You think if there was another way I would have used that instead hermano? No es tan facil! It's not that easy. People are getting suspicious about why you guys haven’t come back…” Ronnie said looking away from them. “I’ve had to make up so much bull shit for you guys, not only that but they are starting to wonder what I do here with you guys. Eh, I had to make up something…interesting in order for them to believe me” Ronnie said that last part with a semi grossed out look on his face. 

“Really? What did you tell them to believe you?” Jooheon asked obviously curious.

“Lets just say that I would never do that to any of you guys” Ronnie said ruffling the rapper’s hair playfully. Jooheon looked like he was going to say something again, but Hyungwon shushed him.

“Thank you for sacrificing so much to help us” Hyungwon said. 

“Yes, thank you so much. I just wish Jooheon and Hyungwon didn’t have to go back there” Shownu had meant to say that last part in his head.

“Hey i get it. i would have preferred if you guys didn't have to go back either, but that's not how things work. Anyway the others have been craving to see you. You should also take this opportunity to fill them in on the plan. i mean they kind of know, but the security there is not as laxed” Ronnie said calmly. “I think they need you more than anyone right now though. There are things I can’t come close to comforting, they need you. They need there leader back” Shownu smiled up at Ronnie and was about to say something, but Jooheon beat him to it.

“Hyung, I-I think we should do what he says” Jooheon looked at him with focus in his eyes. 

“Jooheon are you sure?” Shownu asked the rapper. Jooheon nodded, Shownu then turned to look at Hyungwon and the taller male nodded as well. Shownu turned to look at Ronnie “Alright we’ll go with your plan” Ronnie looked at them with no sense of emotion whatsoever.

“Okay, thank you for trusting me…” Ronnie said giving them that small no teeth showing smile. “Okay so here is the thing. I need you to do what I tell you…if it sounds strange just trust me” all three males sat still and listened to what Ronnie was going to tell them. “To not have people on my back thinking that I’m helping you, we need to make it look like I’ve been an asshole to you guys, so from now on you guys hate my guts and I’m a complete dick to you, alright?” they nodded at his words. “So…Starting right now one of you curse at me!” Ronnie said suddenly. Shownu looked at him in shock and Jooheon did the same.

“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I HOPE YOU FREAKING BURN IN HELL!” Hyungwon shouted. All three of them looked at Hyungwon surprised “What? That’s what you asked for wasn’t it?” he said embarrassed.

“Th-That was perfect Hyungwon, very convincing. How long have you been keeping that in?” Ronnie asked amused.

“We aren’t allowed to curse as idols…it’s been awhile” he said smirking at him.

“Alright I’m going to ask those assholes outside come in and help me move you guys back with the others. Remember that you hate me” Ronnie winked at them before he went out the door. Shownu prepared himself, from here on out, they are going to be in a danger constantly. He can’t wait to see the others and this time for sure he will protect them. Ronnie came in with two other thugs and as the two thugs harshly pulled on Hyungwon and Jooheon. Ronnie roughly pulls Shownu by his arm to get him up from where he was sitting. Shownu looked at the Hispanic male and saw the sudden change in character. He looked as if he could consume everyone in this room in a second. Shownu shook his head clearing it from any thought and proceeded to do what he was told. If Ronnie was going to play that game and wasn’t going to be easy on him. Then hell if he was going to make this easy on him either. Shownu cursed and struggled making it harder for the other male.  
****  
Once they had reacted the room Shownu was thrown-once again very roughly-on the floor. He turned around quickly and glared at Ronnie, who looked like he was trying really hard not to laugh. The Hispanic male winked at him before he shot some curses at him and slammed the metal door. Shownu will make sure to gets his revenge. 

“Shownu?” He heard a very familiar voice say. Shownu turned, excitement pulsing through his body. Right there, right in front of him, were the rest of his friends. He quickly got up off the floor and sprinted towards them. He almost tackled down Hoseok who was the first one he had reached.

“I’m so freaking glad you guys are okay…”Shownu said his voice cracking with emotions. 

“He told us you were okay, but I…” Hoseok didn’t get to finish his sentence because he started crying. Shownu hugged the now sobbing male tighter. He then looked up and saw Minhyuk and Changkyun with tears also streaming down their cheeks. Minhyuk couldn’t contain himself and flung himself onto them. Changkyun soon after did the same thing, followed by Jooheon and Hyungwon.

“I’m so glad you guys are okay!” Changkyun managed to say from the spot he was being squished by Jooheon. After what seems like forever they finally break the hug and all sit down in a circle. Shownu looks at them and couldn’t see anything wrong. From the horrible stories Jooheon told him back in the other room he thought they would look worse, but they seemed fine. They looked well fed and they had clean clothes on. He probably has Ronnie to thank for keeping them healthy. The only thing that was easily noticeable were the dark circles under their eyes, but he can understand that. He smiles as he looks over at his team. He starts counting them off to make sure he had all of them. Five, he counted five. 

“Where is Kihyun?” he asked them. The sudden question made the three males lose their smiles. Shownu had a bad feeling about that. “What happened?” he asked scared. Hoseok looks away and points at one of the beds they had. Shownu turned to look at the lump on the bed that was cocooned in blankets.

“He has been like that for three days now” Hoseok says sadly. Minhyuk and Changkyun looking just as sad. 

“Why? What happened to him?” Jooheon asks concerned.

“He was being the stronger one for us. He sort of just lost it, when he saw Changkyun came back with bruises around his neck…” Hoseok said to them. Shownu turned to look at Changkyun’s neck, but the younger covered it with his shirt. “..Kihyun got pissed and sort of lashed out on the guard that brought Changkyun back” Hoseok paused as if remembering what happened. “The guard didn’t see it coming, Kihyun planted a hard punch on the guy and broke his nose. The other guards took him down and dragged him away” Hoseok paused again, but looked at Minhyuk as if asking him to continue.

“We didn’t see him for a day, but we could still hear his screams of pain” Minhyuk looked over at the male laying down on the bed. “When Ronnie brought him back…it was like Kihyun as broken. He walked passed us when we went to go greet him and just laid in bed…he hasn’t moved since. Ronnie said just to give him time, but…” Minhyuk broke down and Hyungwon hugged him to calm him down. Shownu looked over at Kihyun. He hesitated for a moment, not sure if he even wanted to see the condition the male is. He got up anyway and made his way towards him. When Shownu reached him he started to un bundle the male. He gently placed his hand on the male’s cheek.

“Kihyun, thank you for taking care of them. I know it must have been hard for you, but I’m here now and I haven’t really gotten to see you” he sighed bitterly when he didn’t get a response. “Kihyun, I need you to come back to us. I mean who is going to nag me, when I need it?” Shownu perked up when he heard the other male give a snort like response. “Come on, I need our snarky, sassy, but loving Kihyun back…we all miss you” Shownu got attacked by a hug. He didn’t see it coming so he fell hard on the floor. 

“Wh-What the fuck took you so long to come back…” Kihyun said sobbing. Shownu laughed and hugged the other male back. He heard footsteps coming towards them and Shownu pulled himself up to a sitting position. Kihyun had let go and looked up at the people surrounding him.

“What the heck Kihyun, don’t you ever freaking scare us like that again. We thought we lost you!” Hoseok said kneeling down to give Kihyun a hug.

“I’m sorry…I was lost for a bit, but something sort of snapped me out of it”

“Yea? And what is that?” Minhyuk asked 

“That giving up is a lot harder when I’m surrounded by you guys, thank you for not letting me go” Kihyun smiled at them.  
****  
Shownu was having trouble sleeping. It wasn’t his usual bad dreams that was stopping him from sleeping. It was just him thinking about what they would be doing right now if none of this happened. He couldn’t picture anything, it was as if he was too far away from that world to even imagine it. He can’t think like that. He needs to be positive because he will return to that world, with all of his members…well not all of them. He won’t be returning with their manager, but he knows now that he would be looking after them, just like he always did. Shownu was startled when he heard a gasp for air come from one of the beds. He slowly got up and walked toward the dark silhouette that was sitting up on the bed. Shownu knew who it was because he would sometimes have to calm this person down back at the dorm.

“Changkyun, what’s wrong?” Shownu said softly so only the younger male could hear. Changkyun turned around and looked at up at Shownu. 

“I-I had a bad dream, but I’m okay” Shownu looked at the maknae and noticed that he was protectively covering his neck. Shownu reached out and tried pulling Changkyun’s hands away from it, but the younger resisted. “Sh-Shownu please…stop” Changkyun barely whispered. Shownu gave Changkyun a look that told him he wasn’t going to win this. The maknae gave up and lowered his hands. Shownu looked at the purplish black bruises on Changkyun’s neck. Anger suddenly pulsed through Shownu, because the bruises where marks of being choked. Shownu looked at the younger male.

“Who did this to you?” Shownu asked trying to suppress his anger. Changkyun looked at him trustingly.

“I was with a client…and she asked me to do something to her, but I didn’t want to. I was tired and she looked like a nice girl so I thought she wouldn’t get mad at me when I said no. At first she seemed okay with it. She told me to go to sleep on the bed and I did, but when I woke up I found myself tied to the bed…” Changkyun paused to sniffle “…and the moment she saw me awake she tried feeding me something and I was honestly scared, so I screamed for here to stop and leave me alone. She didn’t like that because the next thing I know is her being on top of me with her hands wrapped around my throat” Changkyun said ghosting over his bruises. Shownu didn’t know what to say. What do you say to something like that? “I thought I was going to die...everything was going blurry. If it wasn’t for Ronnie rushing through the door like he did. I think I would have died right there” Shownu made a mental note to freaking hug Ronnie when he sees him again. Right know though he needs to be with Changkyun. "Ronnie is a good guy hyung...you shouold have seen how mad he was" Shownu got up on the bed with the younger and laid down, he pulled Changkyun into a hug. "i can only imagine. Must have been scary" "it was, i remember being so freaked out i didn't want anyone near me. Ronnie though stayed and talked to me, so i would calm down. when i finally did he carried me back here and told the others that i was done for today. "Yea that sounds like something he would do" "Hyung...can you tell me everything will be okay?" Shownu looked down at the male in his arms. 

“It’s going to be okay, Changkyun we’ll get through this together” Shownu cringed at himself for sounding so cliché, but sometimes this is what someone needs to hear and Changkyun needed to hear it. "Thank you, hyung...i love you" Changkyun said before falling asleep in Shownu's arms. “I love you too. I will never let you guys fall ever again…i promise” Shownu whispered to himself before he joined the maknae in some sleep.  
**** 

Shownu woke up to someone pulling him off the bed. He looked up and saw a cruel face forcing him up. 

“You had plenty of fucking rest. Boss says it’s time for you to make him money” a thug said to him. Shownu pulled himself out of the thugs grip. The sudden movement caused the guards to point their guns at him. Shownu looked around fearlessly. He suddenly felt someone forcefully bring him down hard. This person had him pinned. Shownu struggled, but the grip this person had on him was abnormally strong. 

“Don’t try and be a freaking hero hermano. I can’t get you out if your dead” Shownu heard Ronnie whisper in his ear. If Ronnie was close enough to whisper to him, then this he the one that has him pinned to the floor. Shownu stopped struggling. He let Ronnie man handle him. 

“Wow Reyes what did you say to him” one of the thugs asked.

“I told him that I’d kill everyone that he loved if he didn’t stop” Shownu flinched when Ronnie spoke. He sounded a hell of a lot different now than he did when he would talk to them. It was almost scary, no it really was scary. “I’ll escort him to his room” with that Ronnie pushed Shownu forward and out the door. He led him through a hall way with several rooms. The Hispanic male shoved him in a room with three females. The new room looked a lot like a dressing room, Shownu turned around to look at Ronnie and he motioned for him to sit on the chair. He did as he was told and sat on the chair. 

“Take off the shirt” one of the females said. Shownu looked at her confused. She didn’t seem to care much about his confusion because she started pulling at his shirt. Shownu glanced at Ronnie and he nodded at him sadly. Shownu let the female take his shirt off. He could feel all three women stare at him and he felt uncomfortable. Ronnie coughed in the back as if to get their attention. The three females snapped out of there trance and started prepping him. Shownu let them put make up on him and do his hair. When they had finished one of them rubbed Shownu’s chest. Shownu closed his eyes and tried to imagine that this wasn’t happening. He opened his eyes when he heard said girl give a startled yelp. Ronnie had pulled her away from Shownu.

“You have to pay like the rest of the clients if you want him” Ronnie said a little bitterly. He pulled Shownu by his arm and walked him out of the room.

“Thank you…” Shownu said quietly.

“Don’t thank me for that…it’s only going to be worse” Ronnie said blankly. “Hermano, listen…no matter what you hear promise me you won’t try anything” his expression softening, but he was still serious. Shownu thought about it, but he knew he couldn’t keep that promise. So he just stayed quiet. He heard Ronnie sigh. “I knew you wouldn’t go for it…just don’t try and be the hero…not hear” with that Ronnie put him in a nicely decorated room with a bed in the middle. Along the walls were all sorts of…eh “toys”. Ronnie closed the door and Shownu was left alone in this disturbing room. Shownu sat down on the bed and hoped that no one would show up. It wasn’t his lucky day because just then came in a rather bulky male. Shownu couldn’t see his face because the other male had a mask on. The mask only covered half of his face, which meant that the male’s mouth wasn’t covered. Even though Shownu couldn’t see his eyes, he could feel them looking over his bare chest. Shownu didn’t know what to do, so he just sat there and waited. He didn’t have to wait long. The bulky male suddenly pinned Shownu down on the bed and started planting rough kisses all over him. He just let it happen. Shownu just laid there and let it happen. It felt so wrong. He wanted it to stop, but Ronnie told him to just stay still. This was so wrong though. He hated every second. What can he do about this? Shownu might have the muscular structure, but he was never really one for violence. He never hit anyone in his life, sure he can act tough and people will believe his little act because he looks the part. Shownu looks past the male and stares at the ceiling. How was he planning on protecting his team, if he can’t even protect himself? Shownu flinches when he feels the male’s hands wander around his body. Was he really going to lay there and let this happen? He closes his eyes and endures the stranger touching him. It felt like ages have passed and nothing really happened. The stranger just seemed really into Shownu’s body. He only opened his eyes when he hear the stranger grab something from the rack of different toys on the wall. The stranger had grabbed a pair of handcuffs. Shownu watched as the male was about cuff him to the bed. He was just going to let it happen, when he suddenly heard a strangled scream come from one of his friends. Something pulsed trough Shownu’s body. He grabbed the male in front of him and managed to switch places, so that the stranger was the one pinned on the bed. Shownu cuffed him to the bed then gagged him with something from the toy rack. He then got up and pushed the door open. There were three guards out in the hall way. Shownu had managed to take one by surprise and disarm him by tackling him down. Shownu got up and picked up the hand gun that the guard held. He took a deep breath and aimed it at the two other guards that are still too shocked to register what happened. When they finally figured out what had happened they started lifting their guns, but Shownu was faster and managed to shoot one on the shoulder. The guard that got shot had dropped his gun. Shownu aimed at the other guard, but was too slow. The guard shot his gun first and Shownu only had time to move so the bullet would hit him directly in the stomach. It still grazed his side and it hurt like hell. Shownu fell on one knee and shot his gun. This time it hit the guard on the leg and he fell. Shownu got up quickly and kicked the guns away so they couldn’t get them. 

“You’re s-so dead you little bitc…” started saying the guarded, but Shownu knocked him out with the gun. It was at that moment Shownu had lost his energy burst and nearly collapsed. He felt someone hold him up. Shownu looks at the person holding him. He sees an angry looking Ronnie-well more worried than angry-staring at him.

“I told you not to be a freaking hero Shownu!” He says. Shownu can hear people shouting in the back. Ronnie looks back panicked then he looks back at Shownu. “I don’t think I can’t get you out of this mess hermano. You might have just dug up your own grave” 

“Just promise you’ll get them out” Shownu closes his eyes and lets his tiredness win. The only thing he feels before he blacks out were rough hands rip him away from Ronnie’s gentle hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if you liked it


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronnie's semi character development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-Yea so I add in my Character more-a lot more-in this chapter. I hope you guys still enjoy it. Also in this chapter a lot of shit happens to Shownu...I'm sorry... Next Chapter is more action! because i'm almost done with this fic. I think two more chapters not counting this one, but yes thank you guys for reading. I didn't think i'd get this much people to actually read my stuff.

Shownu opens his eyes hissing to the pain he felt pulse through his body. Why does he always have to wake up in pain? Why can’t he just ever wake up surrounded by blankets or something like that? This is getting old real fast. He lays there for awhile taking in his surroundings. He was once again alone in a room(or at least he assumed he was alone). Shownu sighs and tries to pull himself up, but a sharp pain stabbed at his side. He let out a pained yelp from the sudden pain. He waited till the pain subsided, but it only got worse. Even his breathing has become indescribably painful. Shownu cursed under his breath. What next? Is it going to hurt when he blinks? That would just be plain messed up at that point, not that this isn’t messed up already. Shownu at that point stopped trying to get up and instead closes his eyes. He doesn’t remember exactly why he feels like this. Why is his body screaming at him to just stop moving? All he knows is that he is laying on a concrete floor not able to move or even speak. The floor was super fucking cold and it gave him goose bumps, but at the same time it felt good against his burning skin. Shownu pressed his bruised skin against the cool floor. It felt really nice. He sighed heavily. Why is he even on the floor anyway? He can’t seem to remember much of anything. That was until he heard a very familiar voice echo in the room he was in.

 

“I don’t think it’s wise to kill him…” said the familiar voice. Shownu held his breathe(so he wasn't alone)to try and listen to the conversation.

 

“And why the hell not?” answered a deep cruel voice. It was a voice he has heard before and it brought a chill to Shownu’s body. 

 

“I just don’t see the necessity in killing him. It would simply be a loss in profit” spoke the familiar voice again.

 

“Hmm the way I see it, is that if I kill their leader right in front of them they would stop resisting me” said the deep voice. Shownu felt his heart sink because he suddenly remembers where he is and who that is. Shownu opens his eyes quickly and forced himself to move so he could look around the room. He finds Ronnie talking to… he was right, he knew he remembered this man’s cruel voice. This guy was always the one he saw in his nightmares. This was the guy who brought them here. This was the man who had knocked Shownu out from the very beginning. This was the leader of this whole shit place. The guy who freaking started all of this in the first place. Shownu tried getting up again; anger pulsing through his body. He couldn’t though his body was telling him to stop and stop he did. 

 

“…That sir is very clever thinking, but like I said if you were to kill him we will lose profit. He has been a very popular request from our...clients” Shownu heard Ronnie say to the bulky male. Ronnie looked at the man with no fear. He was just as cool and collected as Shownu remembers him. 

 

“Reyes…it sounds to me that you’re trying to protect this man” Said the man arching an eyebrow. Shownu watched as Ronnie stared down the man even after the accusation.

 

“No, I’m just doing my job sir” Ronnie said poker faced.

 

“Good because we wouldn’t want a certain wife and daughter to be killed do we?” and with those words said Ronnie's poker face turned into hatred. That it caught Shownu by surprise. 

 

“Listen, here you little fuc…” Ronnie was cut off by a cruel laugh.

 

“No, you listen kid. You think I’m scared of you like these other fools? I know how to break you down…” said the bulky male leaning closer to Ronnie and to Shownu's surprise Ronnie seemed to have backed down. Shownu wanted to help him, but what could he do? “Now I know you don’t think I haven’t noticed you being all buddy, buddy with my property” the word property brought a shiver to Shownu’s body, but had a different effect on Ronnie.

 

“Property? THEY AREN’T A PIECE OF LAND YOU CAN JUST CLAIM YOURS!” Shownu closed his eyes again. hearing Ronnie stand up for them was the best feeling. It made him feel like he was more than just something useless. 

 

“Ha, How sad…to think that you were once the best mercenary. Pathetic” the male turned away from Ronnie and turned towards other guards. “Bring me the rest of my property” said the boss using emphases on the word “property”. The guards nodded then left. “And you…bring me that trash” he spoke to Ronnie. Ronnie looked at what he had pointed at. Shownu heard footsteps coming towards him and then felt someone lift him up. 

 

“I’m sorry hermano (brother) I should have… I’m sorry” Shownu opened his eyes and looked at Ronnie. The Hispanic male looked worn out and Shownu felt bad. If he had known that Ronnie was risking the lives of his family, maybe he wouldn’t have asked him for so much. 

 

“Don’t worry about it…thank you for taking care of us and thank you for keeping me on my feet” Shownu smiled sadly and Ronnie didn’t even look at him.

 

“How cute! I was right, you two did get along with each other. Ah this is going to be fun” Shownu got yanked away from Ronnie and was thrown on the ground. Shownu’s body screamed in pain, but he refused to cry out because that’s what this ass hat wanted. He looked up to glare at the ass hole, but was distracted when he saw his team coming into the room. He saw the fear in their eyes and he hated it. 

 

“Shownu!” Changkyun screamed and tried running towards him, but the maknae was held back. Shownu looked at them and pleaded them to just stay still. He gasped when he felt sharp pain on his right side. He clutched his ribs and bit back a scream. 

 

“Stop it!” he heard Minhyuk scream out. Another sharp pain on his knee this time. He held back his screams of pain. He refuses to give this guy what he wants.

 

“PLEASE LEAVE HIM ALONE” he heard Jooheon sob out. 

 

“This is what happens when you don’t listen to me!” said the boss. He grabbed Shownu by the hair and forced him to a kneeling position. He looked up at the man holding him in determination. “I’ll freaking break you in front of your team” he then punched Shownu on the side of the jaw. He fell to the ground again and felt another kick to his side. Shownu grinded his teeth, he can’t let his team see him give up. Shownu clenched his teeth and tried getting back up. He isn’t going to fucking die here. Not in front of his friends.

 

“I’m not afraid of you” Shownu spat out. “I’ll never give into you!” he managed to stand, although he was hunched in pain. Ronnie looked at Shownu with no emotion in his eyes. The boss guy looked angry and annoyed. 

 

“You think you are some sort of hero?” he angrily spat out. “You are nothing!” he then grabbed Shownu by the neck and pinned him to the wall. Shownu couldn’t breathe. He was gasping for air. He looked past the boss and looked at his friends. They were trying to get to him. He watched them trying to struggle loose from their captives, but they couldn’t. “I’ll prove to you that you are easily broken like everyone else” the boss whispered in his ear. 

 

“STOP!” Shownu heard Ronnie shout. Everything went silent and the grip on his throat loosened. Shownu gasped for air. The boss let him fall to the ground and Shownu just sat practically clawing his throat for air. 

 

“Yes Reyes? Can I help you with something?” Asked the boss. Ronnie looked down at Shownu with anger.

 

“I want to do it” he said. 

 

“And what exactly do you want to do?” Shownu could hear the smirk in the boss’s question.

 

“I want to be the one to kill him” Shownu looked up at Ronnie in shock. 

 

“Oh? And the reason being?” Ronnie looked down at Shownu in disgust.

 

“This ass hole caused me so much trouble. These past couple of months pretending to be their friend was such a pain. I just wanted to mess with them” Shownu couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This can’t be true. Was it all just a game? “You know the best way to break someone is to give them hope and then rip it away from them” Ronnie looked sinister when he said this. The warm feeling he would give before was replaces by a cold void. As if his words didn’t hurt already he had to come up to him and punch him again. Shownu could feel the blood dripping down his chin.

 

“You bastard! We fucking trusted you” Shownu heard Hoseok scream. 

 

“It’s your fault for trusting me. I told you who I was and yet you guys where so desperate for help that you accepted it” Ronnie said emotionless. “May I kill him now?” he asked the boss. The boss nodded and Ronnie pulled out what looked like a metal rod. Ronnie pressed a button and the stick surged with electricity. “I’m sure with the right power I can make you scream” Ronnie pressed the electric device on Shownu’s torso. Shownu didn’t have the energy to say anything to this man. He just looked at him. Ronnie never looked back at him. 

 

“Just do it!” shouted the boss. Shownu saw Ronnie close his eyes and then all he felt was pain. His vision turned into blotchy spots of everything. Shownu bit his lip to try and stop himself from screaming, but he couldn’t the pain was too much. He screamed. He screamed louder than he ever had in his life. Tears where streaming down his cheeks and he pleaded Ronnie to stop, but no words came out. Only screams of pain. The electrical surge through his body had stopped and Shownu slumped from exhaustion. He couldn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t move his body, but he could hear shouts from far away. They were calling his name. He then felt someone gently hold his neck. 

 

“I’m sorry” he heard someone whisper to him; then Shownu felt a sharp prick on the side of his neck. Then the electricity started again, it wasn’t as bad as the first time, but it was still painful enough for Shownu to scream. His voice was failing him. He could feel his body becoming cold. Is this how death feels? His screams died out and he could feel himself slipping away. He couldn’t feel pain any more. He felt so tired. Is this really how he is going to die? Shownu forced his eyes slightly open and looked at his team. He couldn’t hear them, but he could see them screaming. Why are they screaming? Shownu closed his eyes again and then he felt nothing.

**** 

“Shownu wake up…Ay Dios por favor” Someone said to him. That can’t be possible. How can he hear someone when he is dead? He is dead right? Shownu felt someone gently start shoving him. “Come on Hermano…perdoname” Hearing the voice again Shownu recoiled. 

 

“Get the fuck away from me” Shownu said weakly trying to push away the hand that was touching him. It failed because he doesn’t even have enough strength to lift up his arm. He managed to open his eyes slightly though. “How could you do this? I trusted you” Shownu groggily spoke. Ronnie looked down at him with his usual poker face for a second before he gets up and walks away. Shownu just laid there feeling all the dread sink into his bones. He can’t do anything. He looked around and noticed boxes around him. Is he in some kind of storage room? Why was he even here? Wasn’t Ronnie have supposed to kill him? He heard footsteps coming towards him and he didn't need to wonder who it was. Ronnie had come back with a bag. "Let me help you sit down" Shownu wanted to protest, but he didn't have the strength to do anything. So, he just let the Hispanic help him into a sitting position. Shownu held back his pained whimpers as he was moved. Once his back was leaning up against some boxes he saw Ronnie kneel next to him. He pulled out a bottled water and offered it to Shownu, but he refused it. All Shownu wanted to do was get away, but his body wouldn’t let him. So all he did was turn his head away from the other male like a teenager trying to ignore someone who wouldn’t leave them alone. He heard Ronnie sigh and sit right next to him. “I understand if you hate me…I honestly don’t blame you at all. You wouldn't be the first person I let down” Shownu hears Ronnie give a shaky breath. Shownu almost turned to look at him because he has not heard something like that come from this guy. "I warned you about me...nothing good ever comes from knowing me. I deserve to be alone" Ronnie sounded so hurt that it was hard for Shownu to keep his anger. He was never really one to get mad in the first place. "I know you heard him talk about my wife and daughter. it doesn't justify my actions. that's not what i'm trying to say. I-I know you understand though…” and he does understand. Protecting the people you love blinds you from what’s right sometimes. 

 

“You’re an ass you know that right?” Shownu said without looking at him. Ronnie doesn’t say anything. “Why didn’t you just tell me that he had your wife and daughter? Shownu asked still avoiding his gaze.

 

“I know...I thought he killed them. It was news to me and I just couldn’t risk it. So I did something that would prove to him that I was...on his side” Shownu finally looked at him.

 

“…and that something was killing me?” Ronnie nodded. Shownu looked away again then back at the other male. “Then why am I still here? How am I still here?” Shownu asked. Ronnie didn’t look at him he was keeping his gaze on the boxes in front of him.

 

“…I couldn’t kill you. As much as I've told myself not to get close to anyone. Here i am letting seven guys into my life" Ronnie sighed "That sounds kinda weird..." Shownu said smiling and raising his brow at Ronnie. "Oh my god, you know what i mean" Ronnie rolled his eyes, but Shownu could see the corner of his lips twitch up. "You guys accepted me as…a friend. It’s been awhile since I had any” Shownu looked at Ronnie more closely.

 

“…How did you trick him” Ronnie still didn’t look at Shownu.

 

“…I injected you with this stuff that temporarily stops your body from functioning. So…basically I did kill you. I just knew how to revive you” Shownu looked at him stunned. Does something like that even exist? This guy just gets freakier and freakier the more he talks to him. “I’m still keeping my promise by the way…I’m still getting you guys out” Shownu looked down at the bruises on his own arm. 

 

“You don’t have to…” It was Ronnie’s turn to look at him stunned “…I mean you have your wife to worry about. I don’t want you putting her in danger…not because of us” Ronnie closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the boxes.

 

“You don’t have to worry about that…let me deal with that” Ronnie gave out a shaky breathe.

 

“…I’ll help you get her back” 

 

“Hermano(brother) just drop it…Please”

 

“No, I can’t just drop it. You need help. I can help”

 

“The only thing you can help me with is to make sure that once you get out of here, you guys will live your life to the fullest”

 

“I can help you get her back…why won’t you let me help you”

 

“Because…”

 

“Because why? Do you not trust me to help you?

 

“No, that’s not why”

 

“Then Why?

 

“It’s because…She is gone!" Ronnie looked at shownu and shownu could see just how broken Ronnie really was. The Hispanic leaned the back of his head back on the box "…okay…the bastard lied to me. I knew I couldn’t trust him…They are both gone…both my girls are gone” tears ran down Ronnie’s face. “…and I couldn’t do a fucking thing. I couldn’t save them” Shownu’s heart sank. He knows the feeling of losing someone. He knows how it feels to be completely helpless. He knows it to well, but he could never feel the isolation that Ronnie felt. Shownu had his team to help him through it and if they were to get out he would have his family to go back too. Who does Ronnie have? 

 

“Oh…I’m sorry” Shownu felt bad that he couldn’t comfort the other male. He was never good at doing that. “A-Are you okay?” Ronnie opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, tears still streaming down his face.

 

“No…I don’t think I’ll ever be okay hermano… She was my everything. Era mi Corazon (she was my heart) and that fucker took her from me” Shownu looked at Ronnie sadly. “Do you know how it feels like to get your heart ripped out of you, right before your eyes?”

 

“No…but I do know how it feels like to lose someone I care about” Ronnie finally turned to look at Shownu and it hurt to see the male so broken. 

 

“…was it the man that died in the van?” 

 

“Yea…that man was our manager. Well he was more than just our manager. He was a friend…no, he was like a second father to all of us…” 

 

“I’m sorry for your loss…” Ronnie said looking back up at the ceiling. Shownu did the same and they both stayed in silence for a long time. Shownu started to wonder what would happen to his friends now that he is gone. It was always something he hated thinking about, but he couldn’t help it. The thought of losing them…is just too much for him to think of. 

 

“You guys are really close aren’t you?” Ronnie suddenly asked. Shownu turned to look at him, but Ronnie was still avoiding his gaze.

 

“Yea we sort of developed a bond being in the same group and all” Shownu thought about all the good times they all had together. “…we’ve had our ruff times, but we pulled through it. It actually brought us closer together” Ronnie nodded to confirm.

 

“You know before all this shit went down my girl would listen to your music” Shownu smiled at what Ronnie just said. “I’ll be honest and tell you I was a bit jealous that she would constantly point out how cute, adorable, good looking and sexy you guys were. I would be lying though if I said I didn’t enjoy your music…” Ronnie turned too looked at Shownu with a smirk. “I would also be lying if I said I didn’t fangirl when I first met you guys” Shownu laughed at the image of Ronnie fangirling.

 

“Really? I don’t remember you screaming your lungs out when i first met you” Ronnie laughed this time and it caught Shownu off guard. It was the first time he heard him laugh and it was…nice?

 

“Oh that happened when I was out of your guy’s sights. I just squealed like a school girl the moment I closed the door” Shownu snorted at the thought. Ronnie is a whole other person once you get to know him.

 

“You don’t have to be alone you know” Ronnie’s smile fell and he looked away again.

 

“Please don’t start…” Ronnie said emotionless. Shownu forced his body to look at the male sitting next to him.

 

“No, I need you to know that you aren’t alone anymore”

 

“Shownu please stop”

 

“You can stay with us once we get out”

 

“That’s…not going to work”

 

“Sure it would be a little crowded, but it could still work out. I’m sure the others would like that”

 

“SHUT UP!” Shownu closed his mouth shocked. “Listen…I’ll get you out of here, but once you’re out…you need to forget you ever met me” Shownu furrowed his eyebrows. 

 

“Why? I don’t understand why you push everyone away?”

 

“I can’t get close to anyone without them getting hurt… I don’t want what happened to her happen to you guys!” Ronnie closed his eyes and took a couple deep breathes before he opened them again. “You guys are the second people I’ve met who saw me for me. Even after the freaking stunt I pulled on you, you still talk to me like we are old friends. Even after I told you I freaking killed people for a living you still…Why? Why are you guys like this? Why are there people out there who think they can change someone for the better? And why do they always find me?” Ronnie sighed.

 

“…Because we see that you aren’t a bad guy. Sure you have done some REALLY bad things, but the fact that you are here and helping us…people you don’t even know. Is a sign that you are more than what you think you are. You are more than what people see you as and you are more than what your family raised you to be. You aren’t a bad guy…you are just on the wrong path…and I’m willing to show you how to get on the right one” Ronnie smiled sadly.

 

“You remind me so much of her when you talk like that. You two would have gotten along so well with each other” Ronnie turned to look at Shownu. He stared back.

 

“You aren’t going to kiss me are you?” Shownu said jokingly. Ronnie laughed.

 

“You wish hermano! You are such a little dork” a smile was plastered across Ronnie’s face. “I guess it wouldn’t be so bad living with you guys” Shownu smiled at Ronnie. “I need to get you guys out of here first…good thing I had everything ready before you decided to be a hero” Shownu blushed out of embarrassment.

 

“Yea…Sorry about that hyung” Ronnie looked at Shownu shocked.

 

“Did you just call me ‘Hyung’?”

 

“Well you say the same to me, but in Spanish right?”

 

“Yea, but…”

 

“It’s the same thing right? I’m just returning the favor. The others have wanted to call you that for a while. Be lucky that Jooheon doesn’t start calling you ‘appa’ then you really start feeling old” 

 

“Okay. I’ll pretend I understood any of that. I need you to rest because in a few days all hell is going to break loose” Ronnie said standing up and heading towards the door.

 

“Hyung!” Shownu shouted.

 

“Yea?”

 

“Thank you”

 

“I should be the one thanking you…thank you” and with that Ronnie left and Shownu closed his eyes and rest for the big event coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it to the end. you the real mvp. new chapter won't be up for awhile sorry!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-Finally another Chapter. I'm sorry! I don't have much time to write! Anyhow this chapter has a bit more action in it. people are gonna get hurt...don't hate me for that...yea, so i'll let you read.

Shownu was pacing nervously in circles, he was currently in a small storage room keeping out of sight. He has been recovering in this room for the past two weeks because he was hurt pretty badly. Shownu could barely even move, everything had to be done for him. He had to be fed. He needed help drinking water. He would need someone to change his bandages so his wounds wouldn’t get infected. Luckily Shownu had Ronnie to help him with all of this, especially because he was supposable dead…so asking anyone else wouldn’t be a good idea… 

He had healed pretty well, except for the gun wound on his side. Ronnie constantly tells—no, nagged— him not to move so much or the wound would reopen. Shownu stopped pacing. He was told to sit still, but he couldn’t, he was way too excited to even remotely sit still. He has waited so long for this day. It has nearly been a year since they first got here. Since this hell started, but today was the day he will get his life back. Today was the day he and his teammates were getting out of this hell hole, that’s what he was excited about, but there was a down side to this day. Shownu started nervously pacing around again, the idea that he was going to try and escape scary looking thugs who were trained in combat and KNOW how to use weapons scares him. Can anyone really blame him for that? So, yea he was excited and scared at the same freaking time. He got a gun wound last time he tried fighting back. He is NOT looking forward to getting shot at again. 

Shownu freezes and immediately stopped pacing when he hears the door creek open. Ronnie had told him that no one ever really enters this room, but he also said not to take any chances. So Shownu ducks behind a storage box, wincing because of the wound on his side. He held his breath waiting for any sign of an intruder. He was terrified because if he was found what would they do to him? Again he was supposable dead. It wouldn’t end well at all if they found out he wasn’t. Shownu had barely given a little peek when suddenly—

 

“Shownu…what are you doing?” Shownu had jumped so high from fright that when he landed on his butt, he let out an extremely embarrassing yelp—that he will definitely deny if he is asked about it—Ronnie suddenly appeared next to him smirking.

 

“FUCK! What the actual—How the fuck did you do that? You were just over...” Shownu pointed at the door “How did you get next to me without me noticing?” He looked at the other male in disbelief “What the HECK Ronnie!! I’m still wounded remember” Ronnie grinned at him and offered him a hand up.

 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you…no, wait I kind of did” Ronnie laughed as Shownu gapped at him in astonishment.

 

“You didn’t have to scare the living crap out of me though” Shownu said pointedly, accepting the hand.

 

“Sorry, I simply wanted to goof around…since—never mind” Ronnie’s happy expression was replaced by his normal poker faced one. “…are you ready to finally go home?” Ronnie asked more seriously. Shownu just simply nodded at the male in front of him, but something odd was seen on Ronnie’s face and it caused an ache to swell in Shownu’s stomach.

 

“You mean are WE ready to go home, right?” Shownu saw something flicker in Ronnie’s expressions. “Remember I promised you could stay with us…I plan on keeping that promise”

 

“Shownu…you...I…don’t start this again” Ronnie closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “I told you I can’t”

 

“You said that you would…” Shownu accused. This wouldn’t be a problem if Shownu wasn’t someone who kept his word. He had told Ronnie that he could come home with them once this was all over. It was the least they could do for the guy. Ronnie had lost everything he had ever cared for, but still he was willing to help Shownu and his friends. No one had asked him to do it, but like a freaking angel he had shown up. Sure there were difficult moments like when he had “killed” Shownu so that he could regain his bosses trust. Ronnie was a part of their life now, whether the guy liked it or not and Shownu never turns his back on a friend who needs help. 

 

“Mierda, no puedo crier que me esta pasando esto (Shit, I can’t believe this is happening to me)” Ronnie said running a hand through his black curly hair in frustration. “Listen…we’ll talk about this once I get you guys out”

 

“…but” Shownu started. Ronnie gave him a pointed look and he stayed quiet.

 

“Thank you…now listen this isn’t going to be easy. I was hoping that I didn’t have to give you these, but I don’t see any way around it…” Ronnie paused and reached into a backpack he was holding. Shownu watched as he pulled out a gun. The moment he laid eyes on it he reeled back and looked at Ronnie in shock. “You are going to have to use this if you want any chance of escaping alive” Shownu stared at the gun as if it grew fangs.

 

“What the fuck Ronnie…what…?” Shownu couldn’t think straight. 

 

“I don’t see what the problem is, you’ve used one before, if you can recall how you got that wound in the first place—” Ronnie pointed out.

 

“Yea…but that was because…I was blinded by anger. I—I only shot to injure though. What, what you are asking is…” Shownu looked at Ronnie again and he saw this sort of darkness in his eyes.

 

“I hope you weren’t expecting that you could just run through all the armed guards. Who, are by the way trained to use these weapon. I don’t want this anymore then you do…if I were capable of killing EVERYONE trying to kill you than I would have taken that option. I need help though…from you guys” Shownu went pale.

 

“Wait, Hold up…” Shownu stared into the backpack a saw about ten pistols and several ammo packs and three or four of what looked like grenades along with a first aid kit and other things Shownu couldn’t quite see. “…I’m not going to let the others hold one of these things” 

 

“Listen…I didn’t want any of you to have to live with the guilt of taking someone’s life, but it’s not really avoidable” Ronnie sighed when he looked at Shownu’s face. “I won’t let Changkyun or Jooheon near any of the guns since they are the youngest, but I will give them one of these” Shownu watched Ronnie pull out two very large—military tactical— knives “That way they can at least protect themselves if something goes wrong” Shownu had to take a deep breath to calm himself down. 

 

“Alright…should we go over the plan again then?” Ronnie nodded and pulled out a hand drawn map of the base/hideout he had made. 

 

“Alright so your friends are here” Ronnie circled a room in the middle of the base. “I will cause a distraction away from that area. You will then wait five to ten minutes before you leave this room which is right here” He pointed at another spot on the map that was at least two blocks away from the others. Shownu nodded “Once you reach your friends, you hand them these” Ronnie held up the bag of weapons. “Oh and try not to get distracted…make the reunion short, will you?” 

 

“Don’t worry about that. I want to get out of this shit place as fast as I can” Shownu said gloomily. Ronnie looked Shownu over. Observing him carefully.

 

“…are you sure you’re ready for this?” Shownu looked up at Ronnie and saw a worried expression.

 

“If you are talking about my gun wound…its healed enough for it not to hurt like a bitch when I move”

 

“That’s not what I meant…” Ronnie sighed. “I know this is going to be hard on you guys. The fact that I am asking you to…kill people. I don’t want you guys to go through that” Ronnie looked away from Shownu. It was Shownu’s turn to observe Ronnie.

 

“It’s like you said we don’t have much of a choice” 

 

“Yea…” Ronnie let out a small breathy laugh. “…I guess I just didn’t want to be the one to make you guys have to kill. I know I am already known as a heartless monster from a lot of people. Can you imagine if I turn seven puppies into rabid killers?” Ronnie said softly.

“Who are you calling a puppy?” said Shownu slightly offended—but puppies are cute so he will let it pass—. Ronnie snorted at his reaction. “You aren’t the one who has forced us to take this path…it was that guy these assholes call their boss. He is the one who started all of this. He is the monster” Shownu said bitterly. “You…helped us, when no one else would. That’s the only thing you’ve done. Without you, I can honestly tell you that we wouldn’t have made it this far” Ronnie looked down at his feet. His looked like he was thinking. Shownu knows it's hard for him. to think about being a good guy even after everything he has done. He puts his hand on Ronnie's shoulder. The other male look up at Shownu and smiled at him.

 

“Alright…let’s get back to the plan” Ronnie said turning back to his map. Shownu listened closely. Recently he had found out by Ronnie that they were being held in the basement of a warehouse. The place was obviously reequipped for their gang’s use. It was located at an abandoned ship yard next to the ocean. It was miles away from any town or city. No, person ever entered the abandoned warehouse, since it was in the middle of nowhere. Which was why it is the best place to set up a drug facility. That was information Shownu didn’t really like. I meant that even if they got out of this place they were still be in danger. This gang has experience with weapons, while Shownu and the others only really touched a kitchen knife. Well Hoseok knows some kind of martial arts, but he hasn’t practiced it for a long time. He watched as Ronnie pointed at places on the map, warning him not to come anywhere near them. “Once you guys get outside we will rendezvous here and I will take you the rest of the way with a Jeep” Shownu nodded as his heart pounded in his chest. “You got all of that right?” he nodded again, trying not to think about what was going to happen if anything went wrong. Ronnie pulled out the four grenades form the bag and clipped them on his belt. Shownu stared at them and just now noticed that the guy was loaded with weapons. Strapped on each side of his belt were to mini axes (Tomahawks). He had two holsters strapped to the outer side of his thighs that held pistols. On his arm was a knife like the one he wanted Jooheon and Changkyun to use. Strapped to one side of his chest was an AK-45. He had two bigger guns (assault rifles) fastened on his back. He was wearing a bullet proof vest over a black long sleeved shirt. He wore black cargo pants and black military boots. This felt wrong…why did it have to end up like this? Shownu felt a hand grip his shoulder gently. “Hey…” Shownu looked up and was meet with Ronnie’s dark brown eyes. “…you okay?” Shownu looked away.

 

“Yea…I’m just ready to leave this hell” Ronnie let go of his shoulder and nodded. He gave Shownu the back pack and map, then started walking away. Shownu panicked. “W-Wait!” Ronnie turned around “I-I…um I just…” Ronnie smiled his smile that doesn’t show his teeth. 

 

“Remember to wait ten minutes when I cause the distraction” he said patting the grenades. He turned back towards the door and started walking to it again. Ronnie stopped right in front of it and without turning around he said “Oh and be careful, will you? Don’t do anything reckless” 

 

“But reckless is my middle name…” he heard Ronnie snicker, then he disappeared through the door. "...You be careful too" Shownu whispered as he pulled out a pistol then put on the back pack and waited. He waited for twenty minutes, when suddenly he heard a huge explosion. Four seconds after the first explosion another one goes off. He closed his eyes and started counting. He could hear dozens of what he assumed were guards running hectically outside the door. He was on his last minute from his count down when he couldn’t hear anything, but faint gun shots. He opened his eyes and carefully opened the door. Shownu peeked his head out and looked around before he bolted towards his destination. He pulled out the map and followed Ronnie’s marked hallways. Shownu mad turn after turn. Everything looked so sketchy. The hallways were dull and gray. It was like a scene from a movie. Where the protagonist was being held in some underground lab being experimented on. It was just plain creepy and Shownu wanted to get his team out of here as soon as possible. When he made it to his destination (at east he hope this was his destination. Ronnie's hand writing isn't the greatest) he had to duck behind a corner. He cursed under his breath as he looked at the guards right in front of the room were his friends were being held in. Shownu leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He took five deep breathes to try and calm his rapidly beating heart. He can do this…right? He has to do this, for his friends for him. He wants to see his family again and nothing will stop him. Shownu opens his eyes and rounds the corner pointing his gun at the thugs. He didn't hesitate to shoot the first one on the knee. The watched as the thug doubled over in pain before he pointed the gun at the last guard.

 

“Open the door!” Shownu tried to sound threatening, but his voice shook from the adrenaline pumping through him. The thug standing in front of the door seemed to have finally notice what was going on and he relaxed slightly reaching for his own gun. “Don’t you touch it!” Shownu shouted again.

 

“You really think I’m scared of a pampered idol like you!” laughed the thug pulling out his gun, but before he could point it at anything, Shownu shot him. The guard was now on the floor clutching at his arm, which was bleeding uncontrollably. Shownu lowered his gun and walked over to the thug, kicked away his gun. “The life of an idol isn't as easy as you think” Shownu said before he took the handle of his gun and knocked both guards out. He steps over the guards and reaches to open the door. Shownu had just barely stepped in when he was shot at. The bullet barely missing him. He ducked back behind the open door and looked for the attacker. Shownu let out a choked breath when he saw a thug standing over his teammates. Shownu’s body instantly went cold when he noticed that they were all bound and gagged. Anger replaced his state of shock and he got out of cover pointing his gun on the thug. He stopped cold when he noticed the knife held up to Changkyun’s neck.

“Drop your gun or I kill him” spat out the thug. Shownu even in his state of anger didn’t hesitate to put down his gun. 

 

“Leave him alone” Shownu threatened. The thug laughed and pressed the knife closer to Changkyun’s neck causing him to bleed slightly. 

 

“YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO MAKE DEMANDS!” shouted the thug. Shownu put his hands up in surrender. “Now walk towards me and no funny business” spat the thug. He did as he was told and started walking towards the guy. Shownu's head was racing trying to figure out what to do, but he couldn't think of anything. that was until he caught Hoseok’s eyes and the male flicked them towards the thug legs. In a moment lik this Shownu is glad he could understand what he meant. When he had finally made it to the thug Hoseok suddenly threw his whole body at the thug’s legs. This caused the thug to stumble and drop his knife. The moment that knife touched the floor Shownu tackled the thug before he could recover. Both males struggled to gain dominance, but Shownu managed to win that fight and pinned the thug to the floor. 

 

“You—don’t—touch—them!” Anger pulsed through Shownu’s body as he punched the guy underneath him senselessly. The anger and hatred that he kept bottled up all exploded at that point and he had no common sense left in him. He just kept on hitting him. He watched as the thugs face turned red from all the blood, but he still wouldn't stop. That was until he felt someone pull him away for the barely breathing male. 

 

“Shownu, Stop It! You're going to kill him!” Kihyun yells from behind behind him. Shownu easily breaks free from kihyun's hold and lunges back towards the thug, but once again found himself being held back by Kihyun. "Stop It! This isn't you hyung!" hear Kihyun's desprate pleas made shownu stop. He slowly blinks away his anger and realizes what he has done. He looks around and sees Hoseok cutting everyone loose with the knife the thug had dropped. Once they were all cut loose they stared at Shownu with something like fear. Shownu once again pulls himself away from Kihyun and looks down at his hands. They were covered in blood and bruises. the sudden realization hit Shownu hard. Most of this blood wasn’t his. He didn’t know what to say…what could he say? Kihyun was the first one to react, but he didn’t make his was towards Shownu again. Instead he rushed towards Changkyun. Shownu unclenched his fists with a lot of difficulty because they hurt, they hurt so much. He once again ignored his own pain and pulls off the back pack. He looks up at his team who where all crowded around the youngest and walks towards them. 

 

“Sorry…to interrupt, but we need to leave now” They all looked at him still not saying anything. Shownu felt hurt. Why are they looking at him like that? “Hey—I—here” He held out a gun for Hoseok, who just looked at it. “I NEED you to take it…trust me” Hoseok finally looked at him and studied his face, then he took the gun. Shownu proceeded to hand Kihyun, Minhyuk and Hyungwon the same type of pistol. Then he handed Jooheon and Changkyun the knives. They all looked at him again, but with confusion this time. “I know you guys probably have question, but we need to hurry and get the hell out of here…we can talk later” they nodded and followed him out the door. Shownu followed the map Ronnie had drawn for him. He stopped at every marked area he wrote down as dangerous and looked around, before he would motion the others to quickly pass. He could hear the others panting behind him, but he couldn’t afford to stop and rest. They made turn after turn and only stopped when there was only one last obstacle in their way. They had managed to make it out of the under ground base and only need to cross the isolated warehouse. Ronnie had told him to be careful while crossing there. Shownu observed the open space and couldn’t see anything dangerous. No, guards just a couple of storage boxes, but mostly open space. He turned around to look at the others “I’ll go first and make sure no one is here. IF I make it across…” They all made an expression of fear when he said this, but Shownu ignored it. “… I’ll signal for you to follow. Only come in pairs of twos. So, pick your partner I guess” Shownu nodded at himself satisfied with his plan and turned to leave, but was held back.

 

“Shownu…please be careful” Hoseok said with concern in his voice. Shownu only smiled before he turned around and left. He sped walked towards the exit, flinching every time he heard a small noise. He kept on moving and making sure the area was clear. It felt like the longest walk he has ever taken to get across a room. When he finally made it, he took deep breathes trying desperately to calm his beating heart. With one more quick look around he motioned the first group—which was made up of Jooheon and Hoseok—to quickly make it across. They had barely gotten to him when Jooheon threw himself around Shownu and held him in a tight hug. 

 

“You did it Shownu…you got us out. I’m sorry I was so cold to you earlier” Shownu replaced his look of shock and smiled. He looked over at Hoseok and he could tell the other also wanted to join in the hug, but Shownu pulled Jooheon away and patted him on the head—awkwardly.

 

“It’s okay Jooheon, but we can celebrate once we get out of here” Jooheon nodded and stepped away toward Hoseok. Shownu sighed and motioned for the next pair—Changkyun and Minhyuk—to cross. They made it safely and once again Shownu was tackled into a hug. He consulted them that it was okay and told them the same as Jooheon. Again they understood and stepped aside. Kihyun and Hyungwon were next. Shownu was about to motion for them to come across, but an odd noise caused him to stop. He scanned the area again and couldn’t see anything odd. He hesitated for ten seconds before he proceeded to motion for them to come across. Shownu felt uneasy he couldn’t tell what was causing little red lights to go off in his head. Kihyun and Hyungwon were barely in the middle of the warehouse when all hell broke loose. A gun shot was heard from the right side of the building. I hit Kihyun. Were? Shownu couldn’t tell, but the male doubled over in pain. Hyungwon tried pulling Kihyun, but Kihyun was too heavy for thin male. before Shownu could react there was another gun shot. Hyungwon was collapsed with a scream. Shownu without a plan ran into the open. he didn't care he had to get to them. He ran as fast as he could towards them. Another gun shot and Shownu knew it was going right at kihyun. He managed to get there in time and tackled Kihyun out of the way. He didn't have time to check if they were okay. he had to quickly got up and get them out of the open. He pulled Kihyun to his feet and turned towards Hyungwon and instantly noticed the guy was shot above the knee “KIHYUN, get Hyungwon out of here now!” Shownu shouted. Kihyun seemed to understand and pulled Hyungwon up and helped him across the room were others stood. Shownu stood back giving them cover fire. He managed to follow behind them, shooting at anything that moved. When they were out of sight an alarm went off. Red lights and an ear piercing noise were blazing all over the place. “Kihyun are you okay?”

 

“I can run if that’s what you’re asking!” he shouted over the alarms. He turned to Hyungwon who was clutching his leg in pain. 

 

“Hyungwon get on hurry up” Shownu crouched enough so Hyungwon could hop onto his back. when the other was secured on his back Shownu got up and lead them out of the warehouse. They ran as fast as they could with Shownu leading the way. This was the kind of trouble Ronnie had told him no to get into. How could this have happened? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiyea! did you like it?!? you didn't...I knew it haha. anyhow I get bored send me a message if you want to be my friend or if you just want to talk. i'm a nice person I swear. well i'm actually really awkward. you can talk to me here or on my Instagram...which is grandpopcorn. Has the profile picture of a guy with a fish(magicarp)head. also since i'm almost done with this you guys can give me idea for the next on I right! well see yea have a nice day


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -UPDATED-YAY NEW CHAPTER! it's my birthday today so I thought id give you guys a little present! Also don't worry it's not over yet. yes, so i'll let you read and I have a question for you guys at the end of it. so stay tuned.

At this point Shownu wasn't even surprised by his bad luck. Sure it got on his nerves, but he just expected it by now. Its just the fact that he found himself in a life threatening situation…again is annoying. As simple as the plan that Ronnie had made for him was, he some how managed to mess up and get two of his friends shot. Once again he has failed his team and it doesn't sit right with him. Is all of this his own fault? If he was just a little more careful…none of this would have happened. If...If that guy hadn't brought them here none of this would have happened. This isn't his fault. Kihyun and Hyungwon wouldn't have gotten shot if they weren't here. No one would have gone through any of this. It was all there fault. The people that brought them here, they're the ones at fault and Shownu will never forgive them. The hate he feels towards these people will always be with in him. He'll make all of them pay for what they did to them even if it deepens his wounds. Right now though he needs to focus on getting his friends out of here. He can here Hyungwon's scared whimper from behind him. Why couldn’t everything have just gone as planned? That would have been too easy to ask for wouldn’t it? Shownu lead them through the docks. He cursed loudly when he turned a corner and saw dozens of guards positioned right in front of them. He barely managed to lead his team to hide behind a building, when he heard the gun shots start. They kept on running until he was sure they had lost them. Shownu turned to look behind him and saw the terror and exhaustion on everyone's face. He lead them inside a small warehouse and announced that they were taking a 10 min break. The moment he stopped the wound on his side hurt as if same one had just punched it. deciding to ignore it he tried to focus on something else. He to find another way to their destination. 

 

“Fuck…” he cursed under his breathe. What does he do? The route to the rendezvous point was blocked by dozens of armed thugs. He pressed his forehead to the cool wall of the building they were hiding in. Shownu breathed heavily. He can do this…right? He has six people depending on him to get out of here. Why though? Why do they have to depend on him? He can’t do this. Leading them was one thing while they were just singing and dancing. This is different. This is life changing and he can’t stand to be the one to lead them into possible death. He can’t do this. No, he has to do this, for his friends. Shownu shook his head to clear his mind of any negativity and looks around at his team. He saw the scared expressions on their faces and he hated it. “Hey, guys we can do this…we just need to hold on a bit longer” he said to try and comfort them. They nodded at him with new found determination on their faces. They trusted him to get them out. He is the leader, he is the oldest and it's his job to get them home safely. If he fails…whatever happens to them is his fault and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Shownu inhaled deeply, but winced when his side gave a painful stab, he clenched at it to try and stop it from hurting. Why now? It’s been two weeks. Why does it still freaking hurt so much? He couldn’t control his breathing from the pain. He looked around to make sure none of them noticed. Surely enough they hadn’t, well so he thought.

 

“Shownu…are you okay?” Hyungwon said from behind him. Shownu had forgotten that he was carrying the guy on his back. “I can get off if you want…” Hyungwon said attempting to get off, but the moment he even slightly moved his leg, he yelped in pain. 

 

“Hyungwon….don’t try to move so much. I’m fine” Shownu said to him. Hyungwon laid his chin on the top of Shownu’s head muttering something, but didn’t try to get off again. Shownu sighed and looked at his team again. He saw Hoseok peeking out the building keeping a look out for anything—Shownu was grateful for that. Changkyun, Jooheon and Minhyuk were talking in hushed whispers as if trying to consult each other. Kihyun though was leaning on the wall breathing heavily clutching his left shoulder. How could he of forgotten about him. “Kihyun, are you okay?” the shorter male turned to look at Shownu with a pained expression on his face, but nodded anyway. Shownu knew he was lying, but he can’t do anything about it now. They need to keep on moving, he’ll have to deal with Kihyun and Hyungwon’s injuries later. Shownu quickly pulls out the map from his pocket and looks it over. He saw that there was another way to get to their destination, but they would have to sneak through the edge of the pier. it seemed easy enough the problem was that Ronnie had marked it as dangerous because of the ocean. If they were to slip in…it would be game over, but he had to take the chance. They have to get to that rendezvous point no matter what or all of this would have been for nothing. He took a couple deep breathes before he motioned for the others to follow. Shownu lead them out of the warehouse and towards the edge of the pier. It was oddly quiet and it was starting to raise all the red flags in Shownu's head. He hesitated for a second, but then proceeded to walk along the edge towards their destination. They walked as quiet as they could and were almost there. Shownu could see the building that Ronnie had marked down as the place they would meet up. it was in sight and he couldn't believe they were going to make it. He couldn’t and he shouldn’t have believed because they were fish in a shark tank. He could heard the engines of vehicles coming towards them. "RUN!" was all Shownu could say. They ran, but it was no use they were surrounded by two jeeps and the only way out would be to jump in the cold ocean. Shownu gripped his gun tightly.

 

“DROP THE WEAPONS AND GET ON YOUR KNEES!” shouted one of the thugs. About five people came out of the two Jeeps. All of them carrying guns, so naturally they did as they were told and dropped their weapons. Shownu couldn’t believe it, they were going back… after all of this. They are going back to that hell hole. All of this for nothing. 

 

“You assholes caused us so much trouble. Try anything else and we won’t hesitate to kill you” said another thug. Shownu clenched his jaw as he watched on of the thugs pull out a walkie talkie and start talking to someone on the other end “…yea we found them….yes they are all here…what do you want me to do with them? Only one? Yes, understood sir!” When the talk ended the thug turned to them with a demonic look. He walked up to them smirking like he was just told he had all the power in the world. Shownu looked up at him when he had stopped right in front of them. The thugs eyes look at each of them menacingly. "Which on of you will have the honor to swim with the fishys...How about you" His eyes landed on Kihyun and then at the bullet wound on his shoulder. "Ah I found you~" He then walked closer towards the shorter male smiling wickedly. “This is what happens when you try to fight against us” the thug put his foot on Kihyun’s chest "You get put down!" and before anyone could react he pushed him off the docks into the ocean. Shownu made a move to jump after him, but he was held back. Not by anyone, but by his owns thoughts. If he were to jump in, what would happen to the others? What if he couldn’t get back? What would he do? He just stared into the ocean, feeling so much dread. There was no sign of Kihyun anywhere. 

 

“Kihyun!!!” screamed Minhyuk looking at the ocean as if he was also considering jumping in.

 

“NOOOO….” Cried out Changkyun.

 

“Oh my god…” Hyungwon said his hand moved to cover his mouth. 

 

“YOU FUCKING MONSTER!” Hoseok shouted and tried getting up, but was knocked back down instantly. 

 

“How could you…”Jooheon said slumping in defeat. Shownu just stared into the ocean. It was dark outside so he couldn’t see anything. What if Kihyun was out there desperately trying to stay above the water? The man who pushed Kihyun off was laughing obviously amused by their pain and Shownu turned to look at him. 

 

“That was fun how about I do one more hmm?” he said pointing his gun right at Minhyuk’s forehead. "I'm sure you guys have learned your lesson, but that was just so much fun!" The thug pressed the gun harder onto Minhyuk's forehead. Shonwu was trembling from anger. "Come on! try something! You guys were so brave before!" he laughed at them as he continued to press the gun deeper into Minhyuk's skin. Minhyuk let out whimpered cries and Shownu was about to snap. "That's what i thought you are all just a bunch of..." Shownu tuned him out and just focused on the gun pressed to his friend's for head. He keep staring as a small flow of blood trailed down Minhyuk's forehead. At that moment something inside of Shownu snapped. 

 

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Shownu picked up the gun so fast no one had time to react. No one had time to tell him to stop and he didn’t care. These bastards deserve everything he is about to do to them. Shownu points his gun at the guy who had posibly killed kihyun and who had a gun held at Minhyuk's head and didn't hesitate to pull the trigger. Not seconds later the thug lands lifeless on the floor, blood oozing out everywhere. Shownu once again didn’t hesitate to aim the gun at the other thugs. He was about to pull the trigger, but stopped when he heard a loud horn honking rapidly on his left side. They all turned to see a Jeep speeding right at them. Everyone's first reaction was to duck for cover, tucking their heads protectively in their arms. Shownu didn't see when the jeeps collided , but he could hear a horribly loud crunching noise. Then he heard a couple gunshots ring in his ears and then there was silence, well silence except for the sizzling of what could only be fire. Shownu looks up to see Ronnie right in front of him staring at him. There was worry in those deep brown eyes. 

 

“Are you okay?” asked the Hispanic looking at Shownu like he was about to crumble on the spot. Shownu just stared at him, he didn’t know what to say. That was until he remembered something that caused panic to spread cross his entire body. He ran to the edge of the pier with dread, so much dread filling his body. He couldn’t see anything.

 

“Kihyun! That bastard pushed him in the water! He got shot on the shoulder, he can’t swim well!” Shownu said looking at Ronnie. Ronnie didn't need anything else said as he quickly took off his backpack, vest and remaining guns he had on and without hesitation jumped into the ocean. Shownu wanted to go in with him, but he knew he would only slow him down. Instead he looked around and saw dead bodies everywhere. All the thugs were dead and Shownu had killed one of them. He killed him…Shownu looked down at his hands. He still had the gun tightly gripped in one hand. 

 

“H-hyung are you okay?” Shownu looked up at Minhyuk. The first thing he noticed was the red mark on the guys forehead and Shownu had to look away.

 

“I’m fine…I’m just a little shaken that’s all” Shownu said not daring to look the other in the eyes. Minhyuk frowned and Shownu knew he wasn’t getting away so easily. 

 

“You aren’t fine…Shownu and you know it” Minhyuk said trying to catch Shownu’s eyes. “It wasn’t your fault…no one blames you for what you did” he said while gently pulled the gun out of Shownu’s hand. They finally locked eyes and Shownu could feel himself at the point of braking down. “We love you Shownu and nothing will ever change that” Minhyuk pulled him into a hug. 

 

“You will always be our awkward dad” Jooheon said somewhere next to him. Shownu felt warm as his team comforted him. He felt safe. It wasn't a minute or two when Shownu remembered about Kihyun. He crawled to the edge of the pier and looked into the water. He could feel his whole world crumble the longer Kihyun was in that water. Suddenly two heads popped out of the water and Shownu could have cried from relief. 

 

“Shownu…” Ronnie gasped. He seemed to be struggling to keep Kihyun and himself above water. “I need you to grab him, hurry” Ronnie panted obviously out of breath. Shownu looked down and knew he wouldn’t be able to reach them. The water was at least 3 yards away from the top of the pier’s porch. He was too high up.

 

“Hoseok, quickly grab my arm” Shownu said starting to climb down the side of the pier. Hoseok held on to his arm and Shownu reached down. He was barely able to reach Kihyun, he managed to grab on to his hand and pull him up as hard as he could. His side was screaming in pain, but he ignored it. He managed to lift Kihyun up enough so Jooheon and Minhyuk could help pull him up. Once the shorter male was safely on the dock Shownu then proceeded to help Ronnie up, it was much easier since Ronnie helped to pull himself up. When they were all up on the pier, Shownu made his way to Kihyun. The male wasn’t moving he was pale white and Shownu felt his heart clench. What does he do? Why can’t he freaking help? He felt someone gently grip his shoulder. Shownu turned around to meet Ronnie’s gaze. He moved out of Ronnie’s way and watched in amazement at how he did everything so easily. Ronnie first checked Kihyun’s pulse then placing one hand on Kihyun’s breast bone and the other on top of that hand. He then started pressing down on Kihyun’s chest… once… twice… fifteen… thirty times before he tilted Kihyun’s head back and pinched his nose closed. He opened Kihyun’s mouth and sealed his own around his. Ronnie breathed out slowly for a second and then did it again. He then went back to compressing Kihyun’s chest and repeated the whole process until Kihyun coughed out what looked like water and gasped for air. Ronnie pulled him to a sitting potions so Kihyun could breathe easier. They stayed where they were, since Ronnie wouldn’t let them near him not until Kihyun had his breathing back to normal. Ronnie had moved and they all circled around Kihyun, making sure to give him some space. 

 

“Kihyun are you okay?” cried Minhyuk. 

 

“I was so scared hyung!” Changkyun sobbed out.

 

“When I saw them push you off…I lost it” Hoseok stuttered.

 

“Guys…I’m fine” Kihyun tried to reassure them, but he was having a hard time not crying himself. Hyungwon was the first one to embrace Kihyun into a hug. Shownu watched as they all comforted him. He wanted to join, but he felt off. He couldn’t stop shaking. He almost lost one of them. Kihyun was so near to death and once again Ronnie had saved them. Shownu didn’t do anything, again. He had frozen when Kihyun needed him. The shorter male would have died if it wasn’t for Ronnie. Shownu looked up at Ronnie, he was looking at the condition of the jeep that wasn’t hit as badly in the collision. He noticed that every move Ronnie would make his face would contort in pain. The usually poker faced male was finally showing how tired he really was. Shownu watched as the Hispanic leaned his head on the Jeep as if trying to control his breathing. His curly black hair dripping with water. Ronnie stayed like that for a minute or two before he straightened up and went to turn the keys on the Jeep, which roared to life. Shownu got up and made his way towards the Hispanic male. Ronnie turned around as if he wanted to say something, when Shownu tackled him in a hug.

 

“Sh—Shownu, what are you doing?” Ronnie said startled. He was soaking wet. Shownu didn’t care though. 

 

“Shut up and just let me hug you…please” Shownu said choking back a sob. He felt a hand awkwardly pat him on the head.

 

“Are you okay? From what I’ve noticed you aren’t really the hugging type” Ronnie said. Shownu couldn’t help it, he needed someone to lean onto for once and Ronnie was the best choice. “Okay…so tell me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think hugs are supposed to last this long” he tightened his grip around Ronnie and silently started crying. He felt Ronnie stiffen in his arms, but then relax instantly. “Shownu…it’s okay…I know it’s hard. You did it to protect your friends” Ronnie then wrapped his own arms around him and Shownu couldn’t feel safer. Shownu then started sobbing, he couldn’t control himself because he knew that Ronnie understood. “Shhh…it’s okay. Let it all out” Ronnie said rubbing circles on Shownu’s back. Shownu didn’t let go until he heard a loud cough from behind him. He pulled himself away from Ronnie and turned around rubbing away the tears from his eyes. He watched as his team looked at Ronnie with something that looked like guilt along with gratitude. Shownu turned to look at the Hispanic male and the guy wasn’t looking at anything. He seemed really focused on the floor. He was about to say something when…

 

“Why are you still helping us?” Hoseok asked, something like sadness in his voices leaked through. He walked toward them with Hyungwon supported on his side. Ronnie suddenly stiffened.

 

“…I-I…because…I want to see you guys…h-happy” Ronnie seemed to be struggling with his words. He still didn’t look at anyone. 

 

“…Why? After how we treated you…when we thought you had killed Shownu” Changkyun said softly. Ronnie shifted uncomfortably.

 

“I deserved it…I deserved everything you said to me” he said even quieter than Changkyun. They all stayed quite for a while.

 

“That’s not true…you didn’t deserve the…” Kihyun started saying, but then suddenly collapsed. Jooheon barely caught him before he hit the floor. Ronnie was the first one by his side. 

 

“He’s lost a lot of blood” he took the shortest male from Jooheon and laid Kihyun gently on the floor again.

 

“I’m fine…really” Kihyun said trying to sit back up, but Shownu glared at him to stay where he was. 

 

“Shownu can you get me my backpack?” Shownu nodded and ran over to where Ronnie had dropped his stuff earlier. He picked up the backpack and ran back to Ronnie handing it to him. Ronnie took the pack and pulled out a first aid kit. He rummaged through it pulling out things he needed. He helped Kihyun out of his jacket and then cut him out of his shirt. Ronnie’s eyes darted around Kihyun’s bare chest as if scanning him. “So there is good news and bad news” He said looking up at Shownu.

 

“Fuck…okay what’s the bad news?” Shownu said kneeling down to look at Kihyun too.

 

“Okay so…bad news is that he still has the bullet imbedded in his shoulder” Ronnie said while running a hand through his wet even curlier hair.

 

“Oh God that sounds fucking gross” Hyungwon said looking at Kihyun’s shoulder. 

 

“Thank you Hyungwon!” Kihyun said giving the taller male an annoyed glare. He then turned to Ronnie “What is the good news?” 

 

“Um…well it’s not that deep in your shoulder so I can easily pull it out…it’s going to hurt like…really freaking bad though” He replied looking at Kihyun apologetically.

 

“Fuck, why does everything always have to hurt?” Kihyun said bitterly. “Alright take it fucking out”

 

“Alright this is going to sting…a lot, but I need to disinfect the wound. Ocean water isn’t all that clean” he dipped a rag into a bottle “You want to hold on to Shownu’s hand?” Shownu offered his hand to Kihyun and the shorter male took it. “Also bite onto this…it’ll help” he put a wooden stick in Kihyun’s mouth. “Alright I’m going to disinfect it first then take the bullet out. After that I’ll need to stop the bleeding then stitch you up” Kihyun nodded. Ronnie then turned to Hyungwon “You’re next after him” Hyungwon gulped loudly, but nodded his head in acknowledgment. Shownu winced when Kihyun’s grip on his hand tightened, while Ronnie dabbed the rag on his bullet wound. When Ronnie had finished with the disinfectant, he pulled out small tweezers from the first aid kit. “Um…try not to scream so much, we don’t need any unexpected guests” Ronnie said and Kihyun only looked back at him exasperated. Shownu almost gagged when he saw Ronnie dig the tweezers in Kihyun’s wound. He closed his eyes so he didn’t have to look. He heard Kihyun’s strangled screams. He also heard someone…puking? It wasn’t long when Ronnie managed to pull it out. “I got it…okay now all I need to do is stop the bleeding and stitch it up” he went through his bag again and pulled out a little packet with some sort of powder. “Shownu can you pour this on his wound while I work on Hyungwon” 

 

“Yea okay, all I do is pour it on?” Shownu asked taking the package and tearing it open. Ronnie just simply nodded and helped Hyungwon to sit down. He poured the powder on Kihyun’s wound. Shownu looked at Kihyun’s exhausted figure. “Hey, your not taking a break are you? I thought moms didn’t take breaks” Shownu said playfully trying to keep Kihyun from drifting into sleep. 

 

“Shut up…I think they are allowed to take one if they get shot in the shoulder” Kihyun smirked looking up at Shownu, but then suddenly he turned serious “You think we will ever be the same if we do manage to get back?” he said bitterly. “Because I for one don’t think I’ll ever get sleep ever again…” 

 

“I—I don’t know…” Shownu paused looking over at the others who were watching Ronnie as he taught them how to fix Hyungwon’s wounded leg. He smiled sadly watching his friends, despite everything they had gone through they don’t seem to have forgotten who they are. Minhyuk was watching Ronnie help Hyungwon with a grossed out expression on his face. He was definitely grossed out by all the blood, but he still looked in amazement. Changkyun though was helping Ronnie by handing him the stuff he need. He almost looked happy to be helping out. Hoseok and Jooheon were both struggling to look at any of the blood. Hyungwon just looked super annoyed that everyone was looking at him. Shownu smiled more fondly. “…but we have to try don’t we? We’ll make it through this…I’m sure we will” Kihyun looked at Shownu concerned.

 

“Maybe the others and I, but what about you? Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I know it’s hurting you…what you did to that guy” Kihyun said staring directly into Shownu’s eyes as if looking for something. Shownu looked away. 

 

“How did you know about that? I thought you were too busy drowning?” Shownu said trying to sound normal, but couldn’t hold back the panic trying to escape from him. 

 

“I can swim you know…I stayed above the water long enough to see what you did...” Kihyun said still looking at Shownu intently. “…He was a bad guy Shownu…you did the right thing back there” the shortest male said to him, but Shownu couldn’t accept that. 

 

“No, I didn’t…he might have been a bad guy, but he was still human and I took his life” Shownu said slouching in defeat. 

 

“Barely hermano…” both males turn to look at Ronnie making his way towards them.

 

“What do you mean barely?” Shownu asked looking at Ronnie as he kneeled next to Kihyun and started stitching up his wound. 

 

“I mean don’t put that in your head. That guy you killed has killed many and I mean many innocent people. What you did to him was justice. To be honest I’m amazed you only shot him” Ronnie said focused on his stitching.

 

“Even then…I killed him…I t—took his life…I’m just like them. I—I hurt a lot of people getting here” at this Ronnie looked up and looked in Shownu’s eyes for a couple of seconds before he looked away and continued working on Kihyun. 

 

“Nope, you’re nothing like them. Not even close and I’m sure Kihyun agrees with me. Right, short stuff?” Kihyun looked offended, but smiled fondly anyway.

 

“Curly-Q has a point Shownu, you are nothing like them” Kihyun said. 

 

“You only did it to protect me hyung. The guy had a gun pointed at my head and was literally threatening to blow my brains out” Minhyuk said. Shownu hadn’t noticed the others sitting around him.

 

“Lo ves (see) the ball of sunshine knows what he is talking about” Ronnie said in a told you sort of way.

 

“We still love you and see you as our appa by the way” Changkyun said putting his hand on Shownu’s knee. 

 

“Puppies got a point too. You’re still the same you” Shownu smiled at Ronnie. What is the Hispanic doing? Short stuff? Sunshine? Puppy? 

 

“What do you think Honey bunny?” Ronnie asked Jooheon as if what he just called him was normal. 

 

“Um…I think you’re being too hard on yourself hyung and I think you should know that no matter what we are by your side” Jooheon said to Shownu.

 

“I know you have something to say living meme” Hyungwon laughed at Ronnie’s nickname to him.

 

“I think that you saved all of us and shouldn’t be comparing yourself to those fucks because you aren’t anything like them and if you think you are, I’ll kick your ass for being stupid” Hyungwon said smiling. Shownu smiled at them he need to hear this. He laughed though when he saw Hoseok starring at Ronnie as if waiting for something. Ronnie noticed and smiled. 

 

“Bun Bun what do you have to say to Mr. Teddy bear here” Hoseok seemed to have gotten what he wanted and looked at Shownu.

 

“Don’t be a dumb ass and start thinking like that. Do you think they would have been regretting have shot us! You’re awesome hyung for being so…for being our savior” Shownu felt 100% better. He needed that. He needed to hear those words from his friends. He has found his strength again. 

 

“Thank you guys…it means a lot that you don’t think differently of me” Shownu looked at Ronnie and smiled. “Did you just make up all those nicknames for us?” 

 

“Nope, I told you I was a fan of you guys long before this happened. My girl gave them to you or at least it was i had to hear every time she thought you where cute. Which was all the time to be honest. She really loved you guys. I bet she is super jealous right now” Ronnie said looking up at the sky, smiling fondly. Shownu and the others looked up too.

 

“Thank you for the nicknames! They are super cute” Minhyuk suddenly said. It caused Ronnie to laugh.

 

“Ronnie is awesome! I can see why you married him!” Hoseok said

 

“Thank you for making him who he is today. That was awesome of you” Kihyun also said.

 

“We send you our love” Hyungwon added. 

 

“I love you! Thank you for watching over us” Jooheon said doing his aegyo, which caused Ronnie to cringe, but also made him smile wider.

 

“We promise to keep him safe for you” Changkyun said happily. Ronnie mutter something about a puppy. Shownu formed a heart shape with his fingers and lifted it up in the air.

 

“Thank you for being our guardian angel! Fighting!” he said.

 

“Fighting” shouted the others. Ronnie smiled at them, but he had tears in his eyes.

 

“Gracias…I bet you guys made her so happy. Thank you…thank you for…” Ronnie couldn’t seem to find his words anymore due to the fact that he was silently crying now. Jooheon wrapped him into a hug. “…thank you, for being something else I can hold on too” Ronnie finally said and it caused everyone to move into hug the crying male. After a few minutes Ronnie suddenly stiffened and went on full alert. “We need to get out of here…now” he said looking around. No one had time to ask what was wrong when Ronnie shushed them and motioned for them to get in the Jeep. They climbed in the jeep. Ronnie was in the driver’s seat while Shownu sat in the passenger seat. It was a tight fit in the back, but the six males managed to fit. Ronnie started the Jeep and drove away fast. Shownu looked out the window and watched all the empty building pass by. He didn’t look back. Shownu promised himself that every bad thing was going to stay back in that hell. Once he gets out it’s a new fresh start. He looked at his team and knew they were probably thinking the same. It was barely three minutes when Shownu noticed a gate in the distance that was blocking their exit. 

 

“How are we going to get passed that?” blurted out Jooheon.

 

“We are going to ram through it” Ronnie said.

 

“Are you serious? We aren’t going to break down the gate with this Jeep” Kihyun said overwhelmed by fear.

 

“Yea, don’t worry about that” Ronnie said trying to pull something out his pocket. “Also how is your shoulder?” Ronnie asked looking back at him. 

 

“Um…It feels a whole lot better…thank you” Kihyun barely whispered the last part.

 

“Look! Holy…there are so many guards blocking it” Hoseok pointed out panicked.

 

“That’s not going to be a problem once I throw this” Ronnie said pulling out an oval object. 

 

“Is that a grenade?” Minhyuk asked wide eyed.

 

“You’re going to chuck a grenade at them!?!” Changkyun said slightly excited. Shownu looked at Ronnie like he was crazy. 

 

“Yup…so um hold on” Ronnie simply said. Shownu held on to anything he could while Ronnie chucked the grenade out the window. 

 

“OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE!” Shouted Hyungwon clutching at the back of Shownu’s seat. There were gun shot for a second and then a giant explosion. Ronnie pressed down on the gas pedal and rammed through the fire induced gate, breaking right through it. Shownu couldn’t believe it they were free. He heard someone cheer from behind him and joined with them. This was it. Its home free from here. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you liked! okay so I have plans for Ronnie and that all depends on your guys answer. alright so how much do you guys like Ronnie? do you like him at all? You can be honest with me for real I need the feed back about him for the next chapter. it all depends on you guys haha.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED!(ONLY A BIT THOUGH)*****Hello, me again. well new Chapter hope you like it. Next Chapter is the last one then i'm done with this fic. i hope you guys enjoyed it! So Stuff happens and i don't know how to feel. ALSO MONSTA X BE HAVING A CONCERT IN SAN FRANCISCO AND THE ONE TIME THEY ARE CLOSE TO ME I CAN"T GO BECAUSE OF MY POOR ASS. i sad, but super salty at the same time. 0h well though. it's not the end of the world. i was just hoping that Shownu would see me in the crowd then fall in love with me and we could live happy together... Just Kidding...not really. All i want is for him to hug me okay!

It’s been hours since they had rammed the gate to freedom. Shownu and the others celebrated for at least 30 minutes by simply shouting and crying. Yes, there was definitely tears of joy that came from the others. There were also many, many thank yous repeated at their new and forever Hispanic friend. At one point they almost crashed because someone leaned forward and kissed Ronnie on the cheek and it startled him so much he caused the jeep to swerve. Shownu would once in a while celebrate with his friends, but deep down inside he felt cold. He didn’t understand this feeling and everyone seemed too happy to even notice his distress. Eventually their excitement died down and it turned into pure fatigue. They had all fallen asleep to the quietness of the world and the rumble of the jeep. Shownu being the last one of them to still be awake, he took one last look at the new surroundings and let the fact that they really were free sink in. After almost a year of hell they were finally free and he could cry on the spot if he didn’t feel so off.

 

“Hey, you should get some sleep” Shownu looked over at Ronnie. “I’m not going to lie to you…you look like hell and should really get some sleep” Ronnie said while still keeping his eyes on the road as he drove. 

 

“I don’t think I can…” was all Shownu said. 

 

“You’re safe Shownu…nothing is going to hurt you anymore. Not while I’m here” Ronnie glanced at Shownu and reached out to squeeze his knee reassuringly. 

 

“Thank you, but that’s not what is bothering me…not the main reason that is” Shownu said leaning his head on the cold passenger car window. It felt nice against his burning skin. Ronnie had let go of his knee. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ronnie asked just like an older brother would to his little brother. 

 

“I don’t think I want to re live…anything that happened back there. So, no I don’t want to talk about it” Shownu paused and closed his eyes. He heard Ronnie sigh loudly. 

 

“Even if you don’t want too, you probably should. Talking about it sometimes makes it better” there was silence for a while. “…if you don’t want to talk about it with me…I understand, but you should talk about it with your friends” Another pause “…well actually you should all get a therapist when you get back home because…um you need serious help. You know because of everything that happened to you guys and stuff. I’m not implying anything…You know what I mean” Shownu couldn’t help but laugh at the way Ronnie said it. “What? I wasn’t trying to be funny. I’m serious here hermano” 

 

“I know it’s just the way you sounded when you said it, is all” Shownu felt content when he talked with Ronnie.

 

“I don’t think I said it any different than anyone else would” Shownu could just imagine the confused look on the Hispanic’s face and it caused him to smile. 

 

“I Know, it’s stupid…let’s just drop it…How are you doing?” Shownu said losing his smile. He really didn’t want to talk about this right now so he attempted to change the conversation. He could see that Ronnie looked annoyed from the sudden change in topic, but the Hispanic continued with it anyway. 

 

“I feel like shit if I’m being honest. My underwear is still wet from jumping into the ocean. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to be sitting down with wet underwear?” Ronnie said scooting side to side as if to try and get comfortable. Shownu breathed out a small laugh “Don’t laugh at my distress Shownu” Ronnie said faking being butt hurt. 

 

“I’m sorry…” was all Shownu said falling back into his distress and Ronnie sighed again. 

 

“That time I was trying to be funny…” There was a pause again and this one lasted longer than the other ones. Shownu waited he didn’t want the Hispanic to stop talking. He wanted him to keep talking. Shownu looked at Ronnie when he suddenly parked the jeep on the side of the empty road and unbuckled his seat belt. Shownu looked away suddenly feeling awkward. “Hey Shownu LOOK at me…” Ronnie said sounding deadly serious. Shownu hesitated, but eventually looked Ronnie in his dark brown eyes. The Hispanic leaned closer to him and Shownu tried to back away, but Ronnie had grabbed the back of Shownu’s neck and pulled him in closer. Shownu stopped resisting and let Ronnie move their faces together until they were a pencil length away.

 

“Ronnie Hyung…What are you doing?” Shownu breathed out trying to look at anything but at the person in front of him. 

 

“Shut up and just listen” Ronnie said blankly. Again with hesitation Shownu looked at the Hispanic with curiosity. He then looked closer at Ronnie’s features. The guy looked like he could be a model every inch of him was perfect, but what always stood out the most would be the guy’s dark brown eyes. Those eyes seemed to always hide everything Ronnie was thinking or feeling from the world and Shownu would always find himself trying to figure out what the guy was thinking. Shownu continues to look at the Hispanic. His gaze falls when he sees the faded scares on Ronnie’s face. Shownu had never noticed them before. The more he looked at them the worse they looked. There was one that ran from the top of Ronnie’s left eyebrow and ended at his cheekbone, it was the largest one the Hispanic had, but it made Shownu wonder how Ronnie had gotten it. His gaze fell to the second big one on his lip. There were a few smaller ones scattered across his face and neck. Shownu looked back at Ronnie and felt sad. This guy didn’t deserve to live a life like this. Ronnie looked so worn out and tired. He had an expression on his face that made Shownu shiver. The guy had dark circles under his eyes. His usual mocha skin looked pale. “Don’t. You. Dare. Think. That. Way” Ronnie said sounding angry.

 

“I…What?” Shownu asked confused looking back at the Hispanic's eyes. They looked concerned and sad despite the way Ronnie sounded. 

 

“Don’t think I’m dumb…” Ronnie said letting go of him. “I know you are still torn about everything” Shownu didn’t say anything he just kept looking at Ronnie. “You still blame yourself for everything…you blame yourself for what happened to your manager, for what happened to your team and for killing that man” Shownu’s gaze drifted again, but at that moment Ronnie had pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry…por favor para (please stop)…if you want anyone to blame…blame me” Shownu went limp in the Hispanic’s embrace. “I know it’s hard…I know you are hurting…I know you feel lost…it’s my fault…I’m sorry …I’m so sorry. I-I shouldn’t have forced you to hold that gun. It’s my fault. It’s my fault you guys are…so broken…I should have done more…” Shownu blinked at the sudden words thrown at him. He didn’t know what to say to the other all he knew is that he didn’t want to hear them anymore. He didn’t want to hear the guy in so much pain. 

 

“Stop…” was all Shownu could say and he felt the Hispanic hold onto him harder.

 

“Shownu all the scares you bare are from protecting your loved ones. The ones I bare, will always haunt me. They are from the people who I’ve killed that tried to fight back or from people who I made HATE me so much that they would try killing me” Suddenly nothing mattered around Shownu anymore besides the words Ronnie had just said. He could hear all the emotion in this man’s voice. All the freaking emotions the Hispanic would always keep to himself. Shownu was hurting, but he knew Ronnie was hurting more than him. Everything hit Shownu hard and was aware of Ronnie’s skin burning up against his and despite said person’s skin being on fire the guy was shivering like crazy. Shownu was also suddenly painfully aware that the guy was crying… Ronnie suddenly pulls away from him and Shownu feels cold again. He feels vulnerable. He looks at Ronnie as if to tell him not to leave him, but then he was pulled back to reality by the screaming. Shownu’s full attention was pulled towards the screaming male. 

 

“STOP!! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Minhyuk screamed into the silence as he thrashed around violently. Hoseok, who was trying to calm him down was unluckily hit by one of the flailing limbs. He bucked back and Shownu could see the blood pooling out of his nose. Seeing that blood brought back bad memories and he found himself finding it harder to breathe. Hoseok seemed to have started to panic as well, hence the blood coming out of his nose. Shownu couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. Slowly the others had started to panic along with Hoseok and Minhyuk. Hyungwon had his hands clamped around his ears screaming along with Minhyuk. Changkyun was protectively wrapping his hands around his neck as if someone was going to choke him. Jooheon seemed to have broken into painful sounding sobs and Kihyun was looking like he was having flash backs of hell. Shownu wanted so badly to comfort his friends. He wanted so badly to care for them, but how can he do that if he is struggling to hold himself together. It felt like hours have passed by when everything was drowned out by a car horn honking repeatedly and then in one continuous loop. Then silence…except for a soft melody being sung in the background. “Prometí quererte para siempre (I promised to love you forever). Y era cierto no había dudas en mi mente (and it’s true there was no doubt in my mind). Si el destino tuvo planes diferentes (if destiny had a different plan). Y te herí por accidente perdón (and I hurt you by accident, sorry)” Shownu looked up to find the source of the singing. The song was in Spanish and he didn’t understand the words, but he could feel the emotions in Ronnie’s voice all the sadness and it sunk deep in his bones. He knew the others felt the same way because they all stopped and listened to him. (A.N: Song name is Perdon- Camlia if you want to listen to it) He saw Ronnie…the back of his head resting on the headrest of the driver set, hand hovering over the car horn. His eyes where shut tight. “Si me solté de ti, si no te defend (if I let myself drift away, if I didn’t defend you). Fue que mi corazón estaba ciego (it was because my heart was blinded). Que estupidez perderte para verlo, lo siento (what stupidity to lose you to see it, I’m sorry)” Ronnie had stopped singing and he opened his eyes, he looked tired.

 

“I-I…what was that?” Minhyuk was the first one to talk. 

 

“That was me singing…” Ronnie said looking back at Minhyuk with a small smile on his face. “…Now, I know I suck, but that was the only way I thought I could get you guys to calm down” he then turned to look at Hoseok. “Are you okay?” Hoseok blinked at him before nodded.

 

“You don’t suck at singing at all…how did you even think about singing to us?” Jooheon asked still gaping at Ronnie.

 

“My wife use to sing to me all the time when I would wake up from a nightmare” Ronnie said shrugging. “I just thought it would work on you guys, so I tried it” Ronnie said leaning closer to Hoseok and pulling away his hand to clean his bloody nose with a tissue he found in his backpack. Hoseok just sat there letting him, when Ronnie was done cleaning the second eldest he handed him a few extra tissues and instructed him to lean his head back and press the tissues on his nose. “Kihyun, Hyungwon are you guys feeling okay? Are your injuries hurting at all?” Kihyun and Hyungwon both shook their heads. “I still need to change the bandages soon though” he said more to himself than to anyone. “Changkyun let me check out your neck. I want to see if anything is seriously injured” Changkyun looked at him thoughtfully before he squeezed himself through the others so that he was sitting on Shownu’s lap. Ronnie gently touchs Changkyun’s bruised neck and when he looked satisfied that nothing was wrong he looked at Jooheon. “Are you okay? Does your ankle or anything still hurt?”

“My ankle only hurts when I run with it. I’m fine thank you for asking” Jooheon said. Ronnie nodded then looked at Minhyuk.

 

“Are you going to be okay?” Minhyuk smiled at Ronnie.

 

“I’ll be fine, it was only a nightmare. Thank you” Ronnie stared at him for a while searching for anything. When he didn’t find anything Ronnie returned the smile and turned to look at Shownu, who was still holding Changkyun. The younger seemed to have snuggled himself up against Shownu and didn’t look like he was going to move if anyone asked him too. 

 

“Cute…” Ronnie said looking at the scene next to him. Shownu smiled at him.

 

“I’m fine. Thank you for bringing me back to reality” Shownu told him. Ronnie nodded before he started the jeep once again and drove back on the road. 

 

“You guys should try getting more sleep. I’ll wake you up when we are almost there” Ronnie said softly. Nothing else needed to be said. Everyone seemed to relax. Not a few minutes later everyone seemed to be asleep again. Shownu just sat there for a while his eyes struggling to stay open. The warmth of Changkyun laying on top of him made him feel safe. They were so close to going home, he will see his family again and he felt the tears slipping down his cheeks. He let that all sink in before the world around him faded to black as his tired body and mind finally won.

 

******** 

“Shownu…Shownu…wake up” Shownu jerked awake to the sound of his name. He looked around and noticed Ronnie looking at him with a smile on his face. “We are almost there hermano…look” Shownu looked forward and nearly cried out in excitement. Out in the distance were lights. The sign of a city or a town.

 

“I-I can’t believe it. This is actually happening” Shownu hugged onto Changkyun tightly. He looked over at Ronnie and he smiled brightly at him. “I can’t wait for you to meet my parents!” Shownu said excitedly without thinking about how weird that sounded.

 

“Slow down hermano…” Shownu then lost his smile.

 

“I forgot you said that you wouldn’t stay once you got us to safety” Ronnie just laughed.

 

“Hey I would love to meet your parents and the others families as well. I just need to find new clothes and take a nice warm shower…maybe get a haircut…my curly hair looks weird when its dropping over my eyes…it’s also annoying” it was Shownu’s turn to laugh. Ronnie grinned.

 

“You guys are too loud…” Changkyun said stretching his arms and legs on top of Shownu. “I don’t think you should get a haircut. It looks nice like that” He said yawning.

 

“Changkyun is right it makes you look younger” Kihyun said from his spot cuddled next to Jooheon.

 

“I’m 28 I don’t need to look young” 

 

“You’re 28! I thought you were in your 50’s!” Minhyuk shouted teasingly.

“Aye! I am not that old looking take it back you little brat!” Ronnie said trying to playfully hit Minhyuk. The other screeched in glee as he avoided the Hispanic.

 

“We can call you grandpa!” Jooheon shouted, sounding proud of what he just said.

 

“I swear you little punk if you start calling me grandpa I’m going to….”

 

“Grandpa! Don’t threaten to hit your grandkids like that!” Minhyuk cut in. Ronnie turned to look at Shownu like someone would look at a parent when their kids are being obnoxious.

 

“What I have no control over them. Besides its better you than me” He replied laughing at Ronnie’s defeated look.

 

“Hey, leave your grandpa alone. Can’t you see he is old and tired” Kihyun said holding back a laugh.

 

“I swear…Hyungwon back me up here” Ronnie said pleadingly.

 

“You have to win your own battles here grandpa” He said with his eyes still closed.

 

“Oh my god…Hoseok come on” Hoseok smiled.

 

“It’s okay grandpa you still look really young for your age” Ronnie opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it.

 

“You know what I’ll take it. Can’t believe I became a grandpa at age 28 and too five crazy kids”

 

“There are seven of us” Kihyun commented.

 

“Nope, Shownu is my son and you are my daughter in law” Ronnie winked back at Kihyun who had turned tomato red from the comment. Everyone burst out laughing….That was when something broke through the front window and hit Ronnie on the shoulder. The car swerved dangerously before Ronnie pressed on the brake. The moment the jeep had stopped there were surrounded by ten people. 

 

“Get out of the car…I really want to see my little money bags again” the voice brought panic to rise up in Shownu’s entire body. “GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR…” Shouted the boss. Shownu turned to look at Ronnie. The Hispanic was breathing heavily, clutching at his shoulder.

 

“R-Ronnie are you okay?” Shownu asked the male. Ronnie didn’t look at him, but got out of the car. Shownu hesitated but followed after him

 

“Ah there you are...” Said the boss. 

 

“Leave them alone” Ronnie said viciously.

 

“OH and who are you to give me any demands. I did order for them to kill you…I guess they missed” The boss looked around at his thugs. “Who shot and missed?” no one dared move. “WHO FUCKING MISSED” a thug raised his hand and was instantly shot down by the boss. “Disgusting…” he spat. “You, bring me the younger one” he demanded one of his thugs, who moved to grab Changkyun. The moment he even go to close he was shot down by Ronnie. Where was he hiding that gun? Shownu then looked at the dead body on the ground. He pulled Changkyun and the others behind him, before he looked at the pure hatred on Ronnie’s face expression.

 

“I told you to leave them alone” Ronnie said standing in front of Shownu. “I’m not afraid to kill every last one of you” 

 

“Go ahead and try” laughed the boss. “You won’t dare do it in front of them” He smirked, but then suddenly he lost his smirk and Shownu didn’t blame him. He couldn’t see what Ronnie looked like, but he could practically sense all the hate from him. 

 

“You don’t make the demands anymore” Ronnie said bitterly. “Shownu listen to me…I’m going to buy you guys enough time to run okay…”

 

“NO…” Hyungwon started

 

“…Don’t look back…just keep on running no matter what you hear. Don’t turn back”

 

“Stop we aren’t leaving you!” Hoseok shouted.

 

“…this was never my story to finish…I was only meant to guide your way”

 

“Shut up! You-You can’t just leave us!” Kihyun cried.

 

“I-I need to finish what I started” 

 

“You can’t…” Jooheon choked on his words.

 

“I’ll see you guys again…”

 

“Don’t lie to us…” Minhyuk whispered.

 

“I-I’m sorry…”

 

“Please…” Changkyun said before hugging Ronnie from behind.

 

“Changkyun…let go of Ronnie hyung” Shownu said prying the younger off. Shownu looked at Ronnie and nodded. Ronnie smiled and turned back to the thugs.

 

“I promise we will see each other again. If not in this life time then in the next. I’ll see you guys around…” Ronnie then threw something he was hold at the thugs and they all dived for cover. It exploded and instead of fiery death it released a cloud of smoke. “RUN TO THE CITY AND DON”T STOP!” Ronnie shouted before he ran through the smoke. Shownu followed through with everyone behind him. He had the younger’s hand held tight as he led the way. He heard gunshots pass by them, but they didn’t stop running. 

They finally reached the end of the smoke and Shownu could see the city bright as day. It was at least 20 miles away and he was determined to make it. He kept running until he heard someone shout. Shownu did the one thing Ronnie told him not to do. He turned around and saw Hyungwon doubled over in pain. How could he have forgotten of the guy’s injury? How could he have been so careless? Shownu stopped handing Changkyun to Hoseok.

“KEEP ON RUNNING AND DON”T STOP I NEED TO HELP HYUNGWON” He shouted before he ran back. Hoseok looked terrified, but took Changkyun’s hand. “…Get the others to safety” Hoseok looked back towards the city before he turned back to Shownu.

 

“Please, be careful” He said to him. 

 

“I will meet you guys there. I promise” Shownu said before turning to run towards Hyungwon. He looked back and only saw the backs of the others as they ran to safety. He turned back to find Hyungwon. The guy was curled in a ball, covering his head with his arms to avoid any bullets. Shownu kneels down. “Hyungwon, we have to leave now” 

 

“Shownu you shouldn’t have come back for me” Hyungwon simply said, but Shownu ignored him and helped him up to his feet. “I’ll only slow you down…please”

 

“Shut up and get on my back! I’m not leaving you. How could you even suggest that?” Shownu was tired of hearing it. Hyungwon didn’t say anything and got on his back. Shownu looked forward and couldn’t see any sign of the others. They were out of sight and that made him happy. At least they were safe. Shownu only managed a couple steps before he doubled over in pain. He cursed loudly because it was just his luck for a bullet to graze his thigh.

 

“Fuck! Shownu are you o…..” Hyungwon stared saying. 

 

“YOU FUCKERS WON”T GET AWAY FROM ME!” Shownu turned around and saw the boss come out of the smoke pointing his gun right at them. Shownu turned around so that he would be protecting Hyungwon. If anyone gets shot at least it would be him. Shownu heard the click of the gun and knew what that meant. He pushed Hyungwon out of the way and then closed his eyes waiting for the impact. It never came instead he felt someone fall back on him. Shownu opened his eyes only to want to close them again and erase the image out of his mind. 

 

“Ronnie…” was all he could say. He couldn’t dare look at the guy in front of him. Ronnie was covered in cuts and wounds. Ronnie pulled himself out of Shownu’s hold and stood back up. He coughed at the effort and crimson red came out as he did so. 

 

“That was your last bullet wasn’t it you little fuck” Ronnie said to the boss who finally look scared “We can finally settle this man to man, you fuck” Ronnie spat out. “Shownu…get out of here…and please don’t look back…whoever wins this fight. Won’t make it out anyway…don’t turn back…promise me you won’t turn back” Ronnie sounded tired “Do you promise?” Shownu closed his eyes.

 

“I promise…” he said quietly.

 

“Thank you…Know go…live your life. I’ll be looking after you” Shownu turned to get Hyungwon.

 

“FUCK YOU…I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU” Shouted the boss as he pulled out a knife and charged at them. Ronnie had his own knife and rushed at the man as well. Before Shownu could see anything he turned around and ran towards the city. He ignored the pain from old and new wounds. He ignored the stinging in his eyes as he held back tears. He ignored Hyungwon who was sobbing on his back. He ignored the ache he felt in his heart as he ran further and further away from the man who risked everything for them. He ignored everything. He just did as he was told and ran. He didn’t stop, not for a second. He wouldn’t dare stop, that was until he couldn’t ignore all the pain he felt. His body never warned him. All that happened was his body collapsing on the floor. He felt Hyungwon crawl off of him and yell his name. Shownu couldn’t move. He was tired and so done with everything. Last thing he noticed before he blacked out was that he was moving. Someone was pulling him and Shownu guessed it was Hyungwon.

 

******

 

Shownu wakes up to the sound of beeping. He groggily looks around and instantly notices he is in a hospital. He looks around him and he sees his mom and dad. 

“Mom…Dad…” he winced at hearing his own voice. It sounded so weak, but it didn’t fail to catch his parent’s attention. 

 

“My son…thank god you are okay!” his mother says pulling him into a hug and Shownu melts into it. His father soon joins the hug and Shownu is in tears. He is home…he is back home…he is safe.

 

“M-mom, the others?” he asks, his voice cracking. She is also crying, but she manages to answer anyway.

 

“They are all safe…they are all safe” She says.

 

“What about Ronnie?” He asks, hoping but knowing the answer. 

 

“Who is Ronnie?” Shownu breaks down in painful sobs and feels responsible for his life.

 

****

It’s been two months since Shownu had woken up in the hospital. It hasn’t been easy, every single day was excruciatingly painful. The physical therapy wasn’t as bad as mental therapy. It all took a toll on him. At first he refused to talk about anything, eventually his mother begged him to try and he couldn’t say no to his mother. He had already caused her so much pain. So, in the end he talked about everything that happened (the only thing he hasn’t mentioned to anyone is Ronnie). He hates reliving everything (it hurts too much). He hates being pitied by people who know what happened. He hates having everything done for him because they think he can’t handle it (which in some cases it might be true). He hates it when people treat him like he might break at any second (which he might with everything going on). He hates all of the thoughts crawling around in his head. He hates that he listens to them sometimes and he had almost made a bad decision because of it. He hates all of it and he wants it to stop. How could this have happened to him? To them? All he wants is for everything to go back to normal…that’s all he asks. He just want to forget everything. He wants to stop having nightmares. He wants to see his friends. He hasn’t seen them since he woke up from the hospital. He wants to see them so badly it hurts.

 

“Shownu, how do you feel today?” His therapist asked in her calming voice. Shownu didn’t answer. How does he feel? He doesn’t know anymore. “Shownu, listen I would like for you to get better and you are in fact progressing incredibly for your case, but we will lose this progress if you don’t talk to me” Shownu hears his therapist tell him again in that calming almost fake tone.

 

“Sorry…” he barely whispers back to her. He hears her sigh softly and it makes him feel bad for wasting her time. He doesn’t know what to talk about anymore. The only thing he hasn’t talked about is…well that something he really doesn’t want to remember.

 

“Shownu, are you feeling okay? Is there something bothering you?” Shownu once again says nothing. He feels so lost today and he doesn’t know why. “I see…I guess I can use this time to tell you that we have allowed for you to see your friends” Shownu looked up this time. He was surprised to hear this and he couldn’t believe it. Shownu just stared at her for a while.

 

“W-Why did you change your mind?” Shownu only asked out of curiosity because he has asked this before and every time his request would be denied.

 

“We thought it was about time you all meet again. You have all improved greatly and we have been told that Starship will let you guys continue being Monsta x. You can talk about that amongst yourself if that is what you wish to do” Shownu looked at the floor. 

 

“Well that will do for today. We will arrange for you to meet your friends in a week”

 

“Thank you so much” Shownu said standing up. The therapist nodded. Shownu turned to leave. 

 

“Shownu…”He turned around. “You are doing a lot better than when you first showed up at my office. If you keep this up you would only have to come see me once a week then eventually once a month. So, please promise to take care of yourself and don’t do anything too drastic that will spiral you back” Shownu nodded and gave her a smile.

 

“I promise I won’t. Thank you” with that said Shownu left the building. Could they really become Monsta X again? He saw his mom’s car in the parking lot and started walking towards it. He stopped when something or rather someone caught his eye. He looked to his right and across the street was a man just standing there staring at him. This guy had a heavy jacket and a hood over his head. It was hard to see who it was, but something about him seemed familiar. 

 

“Shownu, what are you looking at? Get in the car before you get sick. It’s cold outside!” Shownu turned to look at her for a second before he turned back around. The guy was gone. Shownu shook his head before he got in the car with his mother. He must be seeing things. “How was it today?” She smiled at him and he felt warmth from that. He smiled back.

 

“Well I get to finally see my friends” Shownu said feeling excitement for the first time in a long time.

“Oh my, that’s so great! I’ve been telling them that seeing your friends would help you, but Nooo they just wouldn’t listen” She turned to Shownu an even brighter smile on her face. Shownu couldn’t help but chuckle at her. She started the car and they headed home. The car drive was quiet for a while and Shownu couldn’t help, but feel his mom was only being quiet because she knew he needs space after his therapist appointments. He smiled to himself, then he looked at his mom with the same smile. 

 

“Mom…I love you”

 

“I love you too my little bear”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right you made it to the end. hope you don't hate me :/ Any way a reader recommended the chat app Kakao talk and now i use that . My user name is Grandpopcorn. so if you want to talk and or introduce me to your groups go ahead. i have nothing better to do in my life. we can talk about other things too.


	11. FINAL CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the grave* I'm alive! barely. I'M SOOOO FREAKING SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG!! I didn't know how to end it! that isn't a good excuse. i'm really freaking sorry. i freaking hope this is good T-T. so much has happened while i was dead. i don't even know what to do. well i hope you enjoy and there might be alot of typos because i tried putting this up as fast as i could.

Shownu was nervously sitting in the passenger seat of the car. His mother was currently driving him to meet up with his friends at a small café. It’s hard to tell if he is excited or nervous, but he is being a total spaz at the moment. His legs are nervously bouncing up and down, while his right hand is pressing the button to open and close the window (Repeatedly. For the past 20 minutes). He just can’t seem to sit still. 

 

“Shownu you need to relax. Everything is going to be okay” His mother finally said to him. He just nodded because he didn’t trust himself not to throw up if he opened his mouth to speak (okay, so he is definitely nervous). He looks out the window to try and calm himself down. He closes his eyes and listens to the song in the car. He opened his eyes when he feels the car stop. He looks around and sees the small café. Suddenly feeling nervous again he turns to his mom. She was already looking at him with a sad yet fond smile. “They are inside. I’ll wait for you out here. If things get too hard for you just come back to me, okay?” She said to him. Shownu nodded and opened the car door. He stepped onto the pavement and everything felt so heavy. He started to make his way towards the café. His steps were heavier than normal, it was as if he had weights tied to his legs. Why was he so nervous? He is only going to see the people he really desperately needed right now. Why is it so hard for him to go see them? He stops in front of the entrance of the café, his hand on the door handle. He looked into the café through the glass door and could see the others sitting at a booth in a far corner. Shownu tightened his grip painfully on the door handle. Why is he like this? He needs to go in there…Right? He looks away from his friends, but doesn’t dare let go of the door. Why? Why can’t he just go in there? What is he afraid of? It’s not that hard just to go inside. Just open the door that’s it. Shownu sighs heavily, his grip loosening from the door handle. Maybe it was a mistake to come here. He looks away again. If he left now would anything change? What if he just… 

 

“Shownu!” Shownu looks back up and saw Changkyun standing in front of him. The youngest opened the door and embraced him “Hyung, why are you just standing out here?”

 

“Um you know j-just enjoying the cold! I-I mean I was…before going…into the café?” Shownu said awkwardly. Changkyun looked extremely confused and Shownu didn’t blame him. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say.

 

“Okay…um if you’re done enjoying the cold. How about we go in. The others are waiting” Changkyun said smiling at him. He grabbed a hold of Shownu’s hand and dragged him towards the others. It didn’t take long for Shownu to be face to face with everyone.

 

“Hey, how have you guys been?” Shownu said waving awkwardly with his free hand (Since Changkyun still hadn’t let go of his other hand). No one said anything and Shownu could feel himself getting more nervous. What does he say? He looks down at his feet to hide his discomfort from everyone. “Have you guys ordered drinks or should I?” Shownu said turning to the counter, but Changkyun’s grip tightened around his hand. 

 

“We already ordered hyung. We ordered for you too so don’t worry about it” Changkyun said leading Shownu to sit down. He sat down sandwiched between Hoseok and Changkyun. The younger had finally let go of his hand and as much as Shownu wanted to reach and retake the hand in his own, he didn’t. He turns to his right to look at Hoseok, but the other hand his gaze fixed on the table. On the other side of the second eldest was Hyungwon who was unlike the other staring right at him. Shownu looked away and instead looked at Jooheon, Minhyuk and Kihyun (Jooheon being in the middle). They sat there for what seemed like hours in silence. What does he say? What can he say? What if he just asks about the weather? 

 

“Hyung…” Shownu turned to Jooheon. “I-We just wanted to say thank you. I…We didn’t know how to say it. That’s kind of why it is a little awkward” Jooheon confessed. Shownu sighed out in relief. 

 

“You guys don’t have to thank me” Shownu said smiling at them.

 

“Um…no I think we do or at least I do” Hyungwon said looking at Shownu. “I’m only alive because of you. I’m only sane because of you and for that…thank you” 

 

“I didn’t do anything any of you couldn’t do” 

“Listen Shownu. I know you’re all humble and stuff, but let us just thank you for once” Hoseok said reaching under the table to grab Shownu’s hand. “If you hadn’t pulled us out of the burning car. We all wouldn’t be here. You saved all of us” he continued. Shownu looked away. He didn’t save everyone from that accident. He shakes his head clearing any thoughts about that. His therapist had told him that there was nothing he could have done to save their manager. She has also told him that making up scenarios of things he could have done in that moment won’t help either. So, he just shakes the thoughts out and hopes he doesn’t have nightmares about it later. “Shownu are you okay?” He looks up and smiles at Hoseok. 

 

“Fine you win. You’re welcome. I mean I have to thank you guys too. I wouldn’t have been able to carry through any of that if it wasn’t for you guys”

 

After all the thank yous and you’re welcomes were exchanged the mood lifted greatly. They all laughed and talking about all the good times they have had before any of this nightmare happened. Shownu hadn’t smiled this much for a long time and he was just enjoying it. Being with his friends seemed to not have been so bad. In fact it has helped him greatly. Although talking about when they use to be Monsta X made him miss those days greatly. Could it be possibly to go back to those days? Sure it was stressful, but it was fun. He loved being able to sing and dance. He loved it so much and he misses it. He knows the others miss it too just because of the passion they seem to talk about those memories. How do the others feel about being Monsta x again? 

 

“How would you guys feel if we reform the group” Shownu spoke out suddenly and everything went silent.

 

“Reform the group? I-I don’t think…” Hoseok started saying.

 

“I know it is a lot…and we might not all be the same, but I really want to go back” Shownu continued.

“Hyung…I know the therapists said we could, but I don’t think it is good for us. I can’t even get close to a stranger without freaking out” Minhyuk said sounding so defeated, that Shownu wanted to end the whole idea right there. “…but I do really miss it. I just don’t think I can”

 

“I-I’m with Shownu hyung. I want to start over. Go back to times where we…” Changkyun started saying.

 

“We can’t go BACK Changkyun. Face it nothing we do will ever erase the fact that I…we were used as a fucking…as a…FUCK! I can’t deal with it!” Hyungwon shouted getting up from the booth they were sitting at. 

 

“That doesn’t mean we should just sit around and do nothing! You can’t just lay down and let it hurt you more!” Changkyun shouted back also standing up.

 

“What the hell do you freaking know! You didn’t have to go through what I did! I put up with so much shit so you didn’t have to!” Hyungwon slammed his fists on the table. Shownu’s heart felt like it was ripped out of him. 

 

“Hey fuck off Hyungwon! We all dealt with the same amount of shit. He was only voicing out his opinion and in fact I think he is right. If we keep feeling sorry for ourselves we are never going to be able to move on!” Jooheon defended Changkyun.

 

“What are you saying? That we should just forget about what happened to us? Because yes, let me just forget that I was sexually abused for months” This time it was Kihyun who shouted back at them. 

 

“I’m not saying we should forget about it because we obviously can’t! We don’t have to sit around and let ourselves sink into darkness. We can fight…We can take this and make ourselves stronger…” Changkyun’s voice cracked at the end. 

 

“What you are saying…isn’t so fucking easy” Hyungwon finished. He sat back down on the booth. Everything was quiet for a long time. No one spoke anymore. Shownu felt his whole world starting to crumble. He did this. He shouldn’t have said anything, but Changkyun is right.

 

“You know the first week back from the hospital. I felt so…empty” everyone turned to look at Shownu, but he kept his gaze on the table. “My head was running all over the place. I couldn’t sleep. I never felt hungry. I never left my room” Shownu paused to take a deep breath. “I know I was causing my family so much pain by doing these things. I felt so guilty for making my mom cry every time I would lock her out. She tried so hard, but I just couldn’t face her. I couldn’t take it, being around people who just didn’t understand what I went through. So, I stayed in my room and let my thoughts wander to the dark corners of my mine. One day I came to the conclusion that everyone would be better if…I just left. I was scared because I knew that it wasn’t me who wanted this” Shownu laughed bitterly while finally looking up at the others. They were all focused on him so he continued “I let myself sink so far into the darkness I actually thought that ending my own life would cause everyone less pain. I know it sounds hard to think we could get passed everything that happened to us, but we need to try. Right? It’s not going to be easy I know, but I know we can do it if we fight through it together” Shownu stopped and took another deep breath “I was lucky enough to win that battle with myself that time, but I did get one thing out of that experience. It gave me the motivation to go reach out to find help. I’m a hell of a lot better now. In fact it pisses me off to think I was even thinking about ending my own life” he said frustrated running a hand though his hair. “The reason for it makes me sick. How could I think that everyone would be happy if I just…died?” He once again takes another deep breath and continued talking “Ronnie told us to continue to live our lives and I don’t think he meant it like we are now. We are living in fear. He gave us a second chance…don’t you think we should take it?” Shownu stopped talking and looked around him. He has never been good with talking about how he feels and this was hard for him to talk about. He knew he might have said something right from the looks on his friend’s faces. 

 

“I didn’t know you went through that hyung…I’m glad…you told us” Changkyun seemed to struggle to know what to say. Shownu just smiled at him and the youngest smiled back. “I was with you from the start hyung. I say yes to reforming Monsta X” Changkyun finished.

 

“…Appa I’ll only join if you promise me one thing” Jooheon said looking like he has been thinking about this for a while. Shownu looked at him to show him he was listening. “Promise to tell us how you feel more often. I know you like to keep things to yourself a lot just so you don’t have to worry us. I’m there for you hyung…I’ll always be there” Shownu smiled fondly at Jooheon.

 

“I promise”

 

“Okay, then I’ll join” Jooheon said with a smile on his face. Shownu nodded and looked at the others. They seemed more hesitant to answer. 

 

“I-I think this is going to be hard, but I do miss everything and I can’t really think of an excuse after what you said Shownu hyung” Minhyuk said.

 

“I don’t want you to think that I’m forcing you Minhyuk-ah. It is your decision and your decision only”

 

“I know and I 100% pick reforming the group” Minhyuk said nodding his head and smiling to himself as if he liked the idea. 

 

“Aish…I mean. I was only against it because I know my hair is going to die again” Hoseok sighed running a hand through his hair. “I’m in. I mean I really miss you guys” Hoseok said looking at Shownu rather worried. Shownu just laughed because he knows that Hoseok is going to be watching over him more carefully. 

 

“…how can I say no now? I do miss it and you do bring a valid point. I’m in” Kihyun said looking determined now. Shownu turned to look at Hyungwon who was the only one to have not given an answer. 

 

“I can’t…” Hyungwon said not looking up at anyone. 

 

“Hyungwon…” Hoseok started saying.

 

“I said I can’t! I’m…I’m afraid” Hyungwon shouted. The taller male looked around perplexed. It was as if he had said the most horrible thing anyone could ever say. Before anyone could say anything Hyungwon was climbing over the table and running towards the door. Shownu caught him before he could reach the door. 

 

“It’s okay to be afraid Hyungwon. It’s normal to be afraid. You don’t have to say yes, but we won’t be Monsta X without you. We’ll only reform the group if everyone agrees” Shownu said as gentle as he could. The taller male stared at him for a while before he slumped his shoulders and rested his forehead on Shownu’s collarbone. “We won’t leave you behind Hyungwon. We are in this together”

 

“I love you guys. I really freaking do. You give me strength I didn’t even know I had” Hyungwon said with a small smile. “I’ll join you guys” 

 

* 

It has been months since the day at the café. They all worked so hard to get the chance to continue to be Monsta X. It took so long, but they finally managed to get the approval they needed from their therapists that they could in fact preform again. It was harder than it sounded. They all had different thing to work on. While Shownu couldn’t stand seeing any amount of blood. The others had a tough time being in a room full of people. Shownu understands why. He knows they will always have trouble trusting anyone after what people did to them. It hurts to know that his friends will always have that haunting them. It took at least three months for them to be considered “normal” in society, but it was all worth it. When they finished they meet up one day to go ask starship for their contract back. They were happy enough to find out they didn’t have to beg to get back in. It took three weeks for them to get ready. After saying good bye to their parents, they left. Shownu hated leaving his parents again, but they supported his decision and he loved them for that. The first week back in the dorm wasn’t all that pleasant. In that week Shownu found out that they were all going to have to get used to the random screams in the middle of the night. The nightmares were something no one could make go away. Maybe they will fade away with more time, but right now they can’t be helped. That’s how they came up with a routine whenever one of them would have a nightmare. They were to take turns to comfort the person who is currently having the nightmare. It was hard, but they weren’t going to give up. Not now. Not while they are so close. They will release a new album in two months and have a fan sign after because a concert was considered too much for them right now. It was fine considering everyone agreed that it was true. That didn’t stop them from working hard though. Everyone worked harder than they really needed. It was mostly to distract themselves from unwanted thoughts. It wasn’t the best thing to do, but it worked. 

**

It was currently 3 in the morning as Shownu practiced the new choreography for their new song. He has been practicing like this for weeks. It’s been hard for him to sleep lately. It could be due to nervousness, but he doubts it. He sighed as he runs through the dance again.

 

“Hey, Shownu do you mind if I join?” Shownu stops dancing and turns to find Hoseok standing in front of the door. He would question why Hoseok was still here at this hour, but really it’s probably the same reason why he is here.

 

“No, I don’t mind” Hoseok goes to put his stuff down while Shownu restarts the song. 

 

“How long have you been here?” Shownu sighs and looks at the second eldest who had asked the question.

 

“Since five in the afternoon. You?” Shownu returns the question.

 

“I got here at 11 pm…I couldn’t sleep” Hoseok looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t know how. Shownu turned off the music, knowing well that his practice was over.

 

“Did you have another nightmare?” Shownu questions as he pulls off his sweat drenched shirt to change into a clean hoodie. When he didn’t get a response from Hoseok he turned to look at him. Shownu noticed that Hoseok’s gaze was on the scare above Shownu’s right hip and it flickered to the scare on his bicep. He sighed knowing perfectly well were the others mind is wandering. Shownu pulled on his hoodie and walked towards the frozen male. “Hey, Are you okay?” no response. Shownu grabbed Hoseok’s hand and pulled him to sit on the couch they had in the dance studio. They sat down and Shownu looked at the lost expression of the other’s faces for a while. Until he couldn’t take it anymore and embraced Hoseok into a hug. “Tell me what’s wrong” Hoseok seemed to have relaxed and melted into Shownu’s hug. 

 

“I…I do they still hurt?” Hoseok asked and Shownu know what he was talking about. It always comes up when one of them sees the scares Shownu had gained from that experience. 

“I’ve told you not to worry about in Hoseok. It only hurts you” Shownu tightened his grip on the younger. 

“I know…I just” Hoseok takes a fistful of Shownu’s sweatshirt. “They just remind me that I almost lost you…more than just once”

“I’m okay now though. So you don’t have to worry. We are all safe now because of…”

“…Because of Ronnie? I miss him Shownu. It’s crazy how we bonded so much with him. You would think it wouldn’t hurt because he wasn’t all that innocent, but it hurts” Hoseok tighten his hold on Shownu’s shirts just a little harder.

“I Know…let’s not talk about him, please. How about you tell me how you’re feeling?” Hoseok’s grip loosened around Shownu’s sweatshirt.

“I’m just so tired” Hoseok said so defeated it stung Shownu. “I haven’t been able to sleep lately. Even if I’m really tired. I always wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep”

“How long has this been happening?

“Almost three weeks now…”

“And you’re just telling me this now?”

“I didn’t to wake anyone up from their sleep so I would just lay there, letting all my thoughts wander” Hoseok admitted.

“I know what you’re going through. Just relax. Okay?” Shownu shifted their positions that way Hoseok could lay down on the couch. With the other’s head now resting comfortably on his lap he started gently running his hand through his hair. “Talk to me Hoseok…”

“Talk about what?” 

“Anything, just talk to me” Shownu said and Hoseok started talking. He would talk about anything. One minute he would talk about a movie he watched and then he would talk about how his is excited but scared for their comeback. Shownu listened he listened until he heard Hoseok’s breathing become slower and relaxed. He listened until Hoseok’s sentenced weren’t even complete. He listened until the soft breathing coming from the other indicated that Hoseok was asleep. He listened until he was struggling to keep awake. He listened until he himself fell asleep. It didn’t feel like they sleep long when Shownu was woken up by the smell of food and coffee. He stretches and notices Hoseok sitting on the floor looking over the box of food and drinks. “What’s wrong?” Hoseok looks up at Shownu clearly thinking.

“Someone sent all seven of us ramyeon and drinks. Along with some coffee and it came with this note” Hoseok handed Shownu the sticky note. 

Wish you wouldn’t over work yourselves  
-RTR  
Both Shownu and Hoseok stare at each other and before they could say anything the others walk into the room. Happy to see food waiting for them.

 

***

 

“Argh I can’t freaking believe we lost at rock, paper, scissors again and now we have to go for the groceries!” Kihyun complained while walking down the cross walk.

 

“I don’t ever have the best luck in that game. So, I’m not surprised” Shownu commented.

 

“I swear they cheated somehow”

 

“Cheated at rock paper and scissors?”

 

“YES! I don’t know how they did it, but they did!” Kihyun shouted dramatically causing some people that were passing by to look at them(the streets were packed with people). 

 

“Kihyun keep your voice down, will you? People are staring. If you keep this up someone will recognize us” Shownu said trying to calm down the fuming male. 

 

“I don’t freaking care! I’m pissed…I…” Kihyun suddenly stopped talking and Shownu turned to look at him, but the shorter male was gone. Shownu felt his heart stop. He started looking around shouting the others name. 

 

“Kihyun! This isn’t funny! Where are you?” Shownu looked forward and noticed someone running through the crowd of people. The person looked familiar so Shownu ran after them. “Kihyun, wait stop running!” Shownu ran as fast as he could towards the running male. “Kihyun! Where the hell are you running to?!?” Shownu sprinted like his life depended on it. The crowds of people walking on the sidewalk started thinning and pretty soon no one was around except for Shownu. The other male was nowhere in sight. “KIHYUN!” Shownu shouted before his legs gave out and he landed on his knees. He shakily took out his phone and started dialing Kihyun’s number. He stopped when he hear a very faint call of his name. He got up off the floor and ran towards the noise. “Kihyun is that you?” Shownu stopped when he ran into an empty play structure that was in the middle of a park. His eyes instantly finding Kihyun huddled in the slide. “Kihyun are you okay? Why did you run?” 

 

“Shownu!” Kihyun shouted flinging himself on top of him. “I’m sorry…I kind of lost it for a bit. I was fine, but then like I felt claustrophobic and couldn’t breathe”

 

“And you decided to run?” Shownu questioned.

 

“It wasn’t my best idea, but I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t take being in a crowd of people like that. I knew there was a park nearby so I ran to it. I still couldn’t breathe though” Kihyun continued.

 

“You seem fine now though” Shownu pointed out.

 

“Someone was here…they calmed me down, but they left before I could thank them. I don’t know who it was, but like they sounded so familiar” Kihyun said looking like he was thinking hard. “Do you think it could have been…”

“Kihyun…you were panicking. I’m sure it was someone who just wanted to help”

“No, Shownu…I’m telling you that it could have been him!” 

 

“Kihyun…drop it. You weren’t in your right mind”

“But, I… guess you’re right” 

“Are you okay? You scared me half to death you know” Shownu sighed, hugging the smaller male tighter.

 

“I know, I’m really sorry. I panicked and didn’t know what else to do” Kihyun responded snuggling closer to him. 

 

“Just don’t run off like that again, okay? I wouldn’t know what to do if something happened to you”

 

“I know hyung. I’m sorry. I won’t run off again”

 

“Okay, now come on, we should head back to the dorm”

 

“What about the groceries?” 

 

“I’ll come back for them later you need to rest”

 

“I’m fine”

 

“You just had a panic attack. I don’t care what you say, you aren’t okay right now. Get on my back I’ll carry you”

 

“I can walk fine hyung”

 

“I know. It would make me feel better though”

 

“Fine…”Kihyun sighed and got on Shownu’s back. The way back to the dorm was quiet because Kihyun had fallen asleep along the way.

 

****

 

“Are you sure it’s okay to do this?” Shownu asked. 

 

“I’m so tired of being in that dorm 24/7” Hyungwon replied.

 

“We aren’t in there 24/7 though. We are mostly at the studio” Hyungwon sighed and stopped walking. Shownu stopped walking too. 

 

“If you didn’t want to come than you should have said no. I would have been fine on my own. I mean it’s just a movie” Hyungwon said continuing to walk. 

 

“Who said I didn’t want to go watch the movie? I was just saying if it was okay for us to be out like this? Like did you even ask the manager?” Shownu asks as he continues to walk as well.

 

“Oh…no I didn’t ask” Hyungwon said looking a bit embarrassed. “I forgot I had to do that. Ugh should we go back?” 

 

“Nah, we are almost there and I don’t feel like walking back. I want to get to the movies as fast as I can so I can get some of that popcorn that never lasts before the movie starts” Shownu says thinking about the buttered popcorn.

 

“What are you even talking about?” Hyungwon asks annoyed, but he was smiling anyway.

 

“I’m talking about popcorn”

 

“I know, but why?”

 

“I’m hungry”

 

“That makes sense” Hyungwon said as they continued walking the mostly empty street. They walking in silence, but Shownu couldn’t help and notice the little limp Hyungwon had as he walked.

 

“How is your leg?” Shownu asked. Hyungwon didn’t answer and Shownu didn’t ask again. They continued to walk and as they did the more Hyungwon’s limp grew more noticeable. “Hyungwon…does it still hurt?” Shownu tried to get the male to talk to him. It wasn’t like Shownu hasn’t noticed this before. Hyungwon always seemed to be in pain when they practiced the choreography. “Hyungwon…”

“Yes! Okay…it does still hurt sometimes. The pain comes at random, but it’s painful” Hyungwon said not looking at him. Shownu stopped walking and held Hyungwon behind as well. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Shownu questioned. Hyungwon didn’t say anything and just looked at the floor. “Hyungwon, please answer me” Hyungwon sighed and finally looked up at Shownu.

 

“Why does it matter if I tell anyone? It’s not going to change the fact that my knee is always going to be fucked up” Hyungwon said bitterly. Shownu couldn’t help, but feel this was his fault. If he was just a bit more careful. “Don’t make that face”

 

“What face?”

 

“The one where you feel guilty. This isn’t your fault. It was just pure fucking unlucky” Hyungwon said looking frustrated. “I mean it could have been worse. If I wasn’t for….Ronnie’s many skills...I probably wouldn’t have walked again” Hyungwon look lost. “He is gone you know…”

 

“Hyungwon don’t do this…” Shownu knew Hyungwon saw everything. 

“I turned around after he told us not too” Hyungwon was shaking. “I saw him take so many lashes…I turned back just before he took…a knife to the chest” There were tears in Hyungwon’s eyes. Shownu felt his heart ache. 

 

“Hey, relax. Everything is okay”

“Is it really?”

“You’re still here. I’m still here. The others are still here. Everything will be okay. Just tell me when you are hurting” Shownu said stepping closer to Hyungwon.

 

“Oh my god, Okay I promise. I mean I still don’t know how that would help me” Hyungwon said.

 

“I can help make the pain more bearable. Don’t be upset Hyungwon” Shownu said pulling Hyungwon towards him. The taller male stared and him before he leaned his forehead on Shownu’s shoulder. “Can you still walk? Should I carry you the rest of the way?”

 

“I can walk…thank you though hyung” Hyungwon pulled away and looked at his feet. “Really, I mean it” he said smiling. “We should probably keep on walking if we are going to make it to the movie in time though” he said starting to walk again. “I’ll buy you an extra-large popcorn when we get there” Hyungwon sing-songed. Shownu smiled and followed the other. They talked about small things while walking to the movie theater. By the time they got there it was dark. They got in line behind one person with an over coat and a hoodie. When the person bought his ticket, Shownu walked up to pay for theirs.

 

“Two tickets for Thor, please” the ticket person (A.N: I couldn’t for the life of god remember what they were called sorry) gave them the tickets. “How much would that be?” Shownu asked since the person didn’t say anything.

 

“Hmm? The guy in front of you payed for your tickets already. The movie is in theater 3. Have a good day” they said as they attended the people behind them. Shownu looked at Hyungwon confused. The taller male looked like he was thinking before he shrugged it off and pulled him into the theater.

 

*****

“Hey, Minhyuk how are you doing?” Shownu asks the male, who was sitting in his room uncharacteristically quiet. He was like this since Shownu and the others had come back from practice. Minhyuk had to stay behind because he had caught a cold. When everyone got to the dorm they had expected Minhyuk to come and complain to them how lonely he was, but no such thing happened. They had figured that maybe the sick male had just gone to sleep, but once checking up on him it was clear that wasn’t the case. 

“I’m as fine as I can get. How about you?” Minhyuk responded rather emotionless and at that moment Shownu knew he wasn’t okay.

“I’m fine I guess. Tired, you know how it is” Shownu walked towards the other and sat down next to him. “What’s on your mind?” Minhyuk finally looked up since Shownu had entered the room. From that one look Shownu could tell that the younger was lost his thoughts. It was very clear since normally by now the younger would ask how everything went and or if they had brought food. The guy has always been a very talkative person. Maybe he wasn’t as hyper like in some of the vlives, shows and performances, but he did always like talking. So, for him to be this quiet isn’t normal for the guy. 

“I…I’ve just been thinking. I promise it’s nothing really important. It’s okay. You don’t need to worry” Minhyuk replied. 

“You’re okay? Than why have you been isolating yourself?” Shownu placed a hand on the younger’s knee to show some sort of support/comfort. “Do you want to tell me why?” Shownu pushed when he was met with silence. Minhyuk looked over at Shownu for a second than turned to look at the hand on his knee. 

“I…I just don’t understand” Minhyuk grabbed Shownu’s hand and intertwined their fingers and continued to just look at them. 

“What don’t you understand Minhyuk? You can talk to me” Shownu said pulling both their hands down so he could look at him.

“I don’t understand why I can’t stand being around anyone besides you guys and my parents” Minhyuk pulled his hand away and put it on his lap. 

“Minhyuk I don’t understand? Why are you bringing this up?”

“I scared someone today when I went to the convenient store. All they wanted to do was greet me” Shownu stared at Minhyuk with a new emotion stirring in him.

“What were you doing outside alone Minhyuk?” the younger flinched at the new harsh tone Shownu had taken. “How many times have I told you and the other not to go out on your own?” Shownu couldn’t help but feel irritated. What if something had happened to him? No one would be there to help him. No one would know how to help him.

“I know…I know you’ve told us, but I was home alone while you guys practiced and…and all I wanted to do is bring you guys some snacks for working so hard. I’m sorry” Minhyuk looked so tired and Shownu couldn’t stay angry at him anymore. 

“You could have asked one of the staff members to go with you”

 

“It wouldn’t have helped. You know it’s not the same as being with one of you guys”

 

“Okay, then will you tell me what happened?” Shownu asked. Minhyuk looked at him and just sighed. 

 

“Well…I went out and walked to the store. I was fine until a fan came up to me. She meant no harm, but just the fact that she was so close to me. I-I panicked. It became hard to breathe. She look worried so she got closer to ask if I was okay. I shouted at her” Minhyuk closed his eyes. “I yelled at her to get away from me” Minhyuk suddenly looks at Shownu with desperate eyes. “Th-the look of hurt and fear in her eyes caused me to panic more. I didn’t know what to do…” Shownu pulled him into a hug.

“Hey, Minhyuk it’s not your fault. You couldn’t help it” Minhyuk nuzzled into Shownu.

 

“I know, but I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to be able to walk around without freaking out”

“Speaking of freaking out how did you manage to calm down?” Shownu asked and he could feel the younger’s face contort in thought.

“I don’t really remember all too well. I just remember soft hands pulling me out of the store. Someone was talking I guess and it helped to calm me down, but by the time I had regain myself the person was gone and I was in front of our dorm” Shownu tried not to think about it, but this person seemed to know how to calm down Minhyuk and it was hard even for Shownu to do that so a stranger surely shouldn’t have been able to do it. “Shownu?” he snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look at Minhyuk.

“What If there is a 50% chance Hyungwon didn’t see everything. What if Ronnie got out somehow?”

“Minhyuk, I would love to think that could have happened, but let’s face it…he couldn’t of made it out”

“I know…you’re right. I was just hoping maybe...he could have”

“I know Minhyuk…how about we go eat?” Shownu smiled. Minhyuk nodded and moved to get up. This talk seemed to have helped whatever was clouding Minhyuk’s mind. “Are you feeling better now?”

 

“Like you said everything comes with time…I’ll be fine as long as you guys are with me” Minhyuk smiled.

******

Shownu found himself lying in bed watching videos on his phone at 8 pm. It was unusually quiet because he was the only one in the dorm. Well, him and Changkyun, but the guy stays in his room most of the time. The others have gone back home for a week. They had been working really hard and deserve a good break or at least that’s what they told them. Well, long story short Changkyun’s parents didn’t get the memo and went on vacation overseas. Shownu and the others afraid of what will happen to the younger if he went on an air plane alone decided it would be better if he would stay at the dorm. Changkyun didn’t seem to like the idea and got mad(which is why he is locked in his room). Shownu being the older brother that he feels he is decided to stay behind with the younger which once again didn’t sit well with him. So, here he was bored out of his mind waiting for Changkyun to stop moping around and come hangout with him. 

“Hyung…” Shownu looked up from his phone and saw said person leaning against the doorway. 

“Yea? What do you need Changkyun?” Shownu asked trying to find anything on the blank expression the younger had.

“I-I was wondering if I could…um maybe stay with you tonight?” Changkyun’s expression turned to embarrassment and he shifted from foot to foot. Shownu smiled at the younger and scooted closer to the edge and patted the mattress to invite the other. Changkyun didn’t hesitate and climbed into bed with Shownu. They moved around until they got comfortable (Which was with Shownu’s arm wrapped around Changkyun’s shoulders and being all snuggly). They didn’t say anything instead they laid until they fell asleep in each other’s warmth. Shownu was currently having a nice dream (a rare occasion) when he was startled out of it. 

“Please don’t go!” Changkyun shouted. Shownu blinked away his shocked state of mind and pulled Changkyun up. 

“Hey, Hey Changkyun wake up. It’s okay. I’m here” Changkyun eyes opened in shock and crumbled into Shownu. The younger was sobbing. 

“He’s gone…” Changkyun sobbed out. 

“Who is Changkyun?” Shownu knew who the younger was talking about. He knew ever since Hyungwon had told them that there was no chance that Ronnie had lived, it caused all of them pain.

“Ronnie…I…didn’t get to tell him thank you. He saved me and I was too afraid to thank him” Changkyun was breathing to fast and Shownu needed him to relax.

“It’s okay, Changkyun. Breathe with me okay?” the younger did as Shownu told him. It took several minutes before Changkyun’s breathing returned to normal. It took another couple minutes of Shownu running his hand through the youngers hair to get him to stop crying. 

“I’m sorry…” Changkyun hiccupped.

“It’s okay, it happens to the best of us”

“Thank you for staying with me hyung. I know you would have liked to go see your family, but I had to ruin that for you” Changkyun always seemed to blame himself for things. He always seeked approval for everything he did or he thought he did things wrong. 

“it would have been nice to see them, but staying here with you is more important. They will understand and its not like it’ll be the last chance I would get to see them”

“You didn’t have to stay. I would have been fine by myself”

“Really? Well in that case it not too late for me to leave” Shownu joked and laughed when he made to move ad Changkyun held on tight. 

“N-Noo hyung, I wasn’t being serious don’t leave me”

“Hey, you know I’ll never leave you” Shownu smiled at the younger. “, but I’m hungry and think we should at least eat something” 

“Awe, but I’m comfy!” Changkyun whined. 

“I know we can snuggle after eating”

“Fine…” they both got up and went into the kitchen. There was nothing to eat or to make anything to eat. So they settle on getting takeout. Shownu picked up the phone, when the doorbell rang. He opened the door. 

“Hello, I have your food” said the delivery boy. Shownu look at him in confusion.

“Um, I think you have the wrong apartment” the delivery boy looked at a piece of paper and then on the number on the door.

“No, I got the right number. Your name is Son Hyunwoo, right?” Shownu nodded. “Here you go then” the delivery boy handed Shownu the food. “It’s been paid for by…” the guy paused and looked at his paper. “Ah…someone one that goes by R.T.R. have a great day” the delivery guy left and Shownu stared at the food in his hands confused.

*******

 

Shownu was walking around the studio looking for a certain someone. He walks past the recording studio and hears the distinct rapping coming from inside. He opens the door and he found who he was looking from sitting on a chair and face glued to a computer screen. 

“Jooheon…” Shownu said while placing his hand on the younger’s shoulder. He completely forgot Jooheon was easily startled. So, the younger screamed. “Whoa!! Jooheon I’m sorry!” Shownu shouted at the screaming male. Jooheon had stopped screaming and opened his eyes to look at Shownu. Relief with annoyance was seen on his face.

“What the hell Hyung!! You nearly gave me a freaking heart attack! Don’t you knock?”

“Yea, sorry about that. I was looking for you and found you so focused on the screen I didn’t think you’d hear” Shownu apologized. 

“…it’s fine. Why where you looking for me?” Jooheon asked obviously curious.

 

“Do you know what time it is Jooheon?” Jooheon blinked a couple times confused and then looked at the time on his phone. The younger’s eyes widened when he read the time (3:15am) and looked back at Shownu. 

 

“I…I didn’t know it was that late” Jooheon seemed unfocused. 

 

“This isn’t the first time you stayed up this late Jooheon” the younger didn’t say anything and looked down at his feet. Shownu sighed because he knew he would get that reaction. “Come on…Lets go home” Shownu said leaning over the other saving and shutting down the computer. He then grabbed Jooheon by the hand and gently pulled him up from the chair. Shownu let go of his hand to reach up and pull off giant headphones from his ears. “You’ve been working yourself really hard these past couple of days Jooheon…I’m worried” Shownu barely whispered. Jooheon had obviously heard because he looks up to stare at Shownu.

 

“I’ve…been having a lot on my mind lately. Writing and rapping help me forget” Shownu nodded at the younger’s sudden confession. “I didn’t mean to make you worry hyung…” Jooheon said suddenly very tired.

“You should have come to one of us…Jooheon if you were hurting you shouldn’t keep to yourself” Shownu said pulling the other into a tight hug.

 

“I know…I was just…I thought I could deal with it on my own. I guess me not sleeping and eating is how I deal with things” Jooheon sighed into Shownu’s shoulder. “…and now I’m annoyed at myself” Shownu smiled softly.

 

“It’s okay Jooheon it happens. The best way to deal with it is to talk about it and that never comes easy for anyone” Jooheon sighed deeply.

 

“Yea, you’re right…can we go home now?” Jooheon said pulling away from the hug and heading towards the door. Shownu followed and they walked out of Starship. “Are we walking home?” asked Jooheon and Shownu simply nodded. So, they walked in the cool night in silence. It would have been comfortable silence if it wasn’t for the fact that Shownu could practically hear Jooheon thinking. 

 

“What’s on your mind Jooheon?” Jooheon startled from the silence being broken and turned to look at Shownu. “Jooheon if something is bothering you don’t torture yourself by keeping it in like this” Jooheon then sighed bitterly. 

 

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things…the reason I can’t sleep and don’t even want to try is because I keep having the same damn nightmare”

 

“Which one?”

“The car accident one…I honestly didn’t notice I wasn’t eat so I’ll work on that, but what really has been bothering is that I don’t think Ronnie is dead” 

“Jooheon, I know you want him to still be alive, but you heard Hyungwon”

“I know, but all the things that have happened to us. You can’t just pretend it’s not weird how this one guy has been doing all these things for us” Shownu sighed looking around the seemingly empty city. He listened to the younger’s theories. There didn’t seem to be anyone walking this early in the morning, except for one person on the other side of the street. “…and don’t just say its some crazed fan because it couldn’t be…hyung are you listening?” Shownu had frozen when they had gotten closer to the person. His heart beat increasing times 100 because he knew that face. Fear. Fear was all Shownu felt upon seeing that face. “Shownu are you okay?” Jooheon asked concerned. He broke from his frozen state when the man moved towards them. Shownu grabbed Jooheon by the arm and told him to run. Jooheon didn’t seem to understand until he saw the man running towards them. He seemed to have recognized him as well. He wasn’t surprised since this man was always pointing a gun at them anytime he would walk in with Ronnie. How? How was this happening to him again? Why? Jooheon…he has to get him save. Jooheon…is screaming? Shownu turned around and he nearly blacked out from the shock. The man had caught up with them. He had managed to grab onto Jooheon. Shownu’s first instinct was to attack and that is what he did. He let go of Jooheon and had punched the man right on the nose, he lets go of Jooheon and staggered back. The man then pulls out a huge knife. He lounges forward at Shownu and once again he is frozen. He closes his eyes and waits for the pain, but it never comes. 

“Hey, Shownu!” Shownu opens his eyes to see two men struggling to gain control. “Shownu wake the fuck up! Get Jooheon out of here now!” He didn’t move. “Get out of here now hermano!” Shownu snapped out of his trance and grabbed a frozen Jooheon and ran. They ran. Not once did he look back. Not even when Jooheon had started scream to turn back and help. Just like the first time Shownu left him behind it hurt. Every step farther away hurt. 

 

********

 

It had been at least three weeks since that night. Their company had increased security dramatically. They weren’t allowed to go out unless they had a guard with them. No one was to get anywhere near them until they were checked and even then they could only take a picture. Everything had it’s time limit. Everything had to be done within a certain hour of the day. They couldn’t go out at night anymore. Everyone had their own personal bodyguard now. They had two of them standing outside their dorm. Their lives have changed and they will never be the same again. 

 

Shownu stares at the ceiling of his dorm room. He has been lying in bed ever since he had been told by the police he could go home and rest. Everything was racing through his head. Shownu sighs heavily and crawls out of bed to go check on his team. When he opens the door he is met with the same gloomy presence that he has. Of course they feel the same he does. They all owed Ronnie their lives. They have bonded with him like no one would think they would. This is the second time they have lost him. Shownu was headed towards the living room with his phone vibrates. He stops in his tracks and notices that he wasn’t the only one that got a message. He look at the text.

From: Honey Bee  
Look out the window.

Shownu along with everyone else looks at Jooheon who seemed to be the only one that didn’t pull out his phone. 

“Jooheon, what the hell?” Changkyun said to the other rapper. 

“What?” Jooheon looked away from the tv and turned to look at the youngest. 

“Why did you just text us to look at the window?” Hyungwon asked annoyed.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t text you. I lost my phone remember…” the realization seemed to hit everyone.

“Where did you lose it again?” Hoseok asked cautiously.

“That night Shownu and I were attacked…Why are you guys being all weird?” upon hearing that Shownu ran to the window following behind him everyone else, even Jooheon who had no idea what was going on. Shownu looked out and searched for anything. 

“There!!” Minhyuk shouted. Right where he was pointing there was a man standing waving at them. The first thing Shownu noticed was the black curly hair. 

“Oh my god…it’s…” Kihyun started

“Ronnie…” Shownu finished for him. They all got another text. 

From: Honey Bee  
I finally took care of all the remaining gang members. You guys are 100% safe now. Well actually no one can be 100% safe. You’re safer than you were before. I told you guys I’d always be here for you. Anyway I can finally see you guys now. How about It? My treat!   
Maybe life wasn’t all that unfair Shownu thought as he scrambled to get his shoes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed. new fic suggestion are gladly accepted since i now don't have a life.


	12. Vote for another chapter or to leave it like this

Hello, I have a question for all of you. Would anyone want a chapter of how monsta x and Ronnie are doing. Obviously there will still be angst cause I'm a messed up person, but it will mostly revolve around Ronnie. He is the one in trouble this time and monsta x just wanna protect him like he did them. Vote Yes or no in the comments if you want this. Thank you~


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